Two flies playing football on saucer. One says to the other.....
I am playing in the cup tommorow.
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︎ Oct 08 2020
I have a new hobby: studying flying saucers
...and making the matching teacups!
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︎ Dec 12 2019
What has 4 wheels and flies?
π︎ 1k
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︎ Jun 23 2021
My wife tried to tell our cat that we would all be flying to a new home, but the cat seemed unimpressed.
I explained that the cat doesnβt understand plane English.
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︎ Jun 14 2021
Dad turns to me after hearing a ambulance flying past the house.
'He's not going to sell many ice-creams driving that fast!"
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︎ Jun 29 2021
A man walked into a hardware store, picked up a can of fly spray and asked the assistant, "Is this good for wasps?" The worker explainedβ¦
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︎ Jul 02 2021
What's the last thing to go through the mind of a fly when it hits a windscreen?
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︎ Jun 10 2021
A Kung Fu student asks his teacher, "Master, why does my ability not improve? I'm always defeated." And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers, "My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun and their wings seeming like flames?"
"Yes, my master, I have."
"And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?"
"Yes, my master, I have witnessed it."
"And the moon, when it touches the calm water to reflect all its enormous beauty?"
"Yes, my master, I have also seen this marvelous phenomenon."
"That is the problem. You keep watching all this shit instead of training."
π︎ 12k
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︎ Jan 10 2021
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
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︎ Jun 03 2021
Why don't vultures check bags when they fly?
They're strictly carrion birds
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︎ Jun 17 2021
One time Chewbacca forgot to release the emergency brake before flying the millennium falcon
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︎ May 11 2021
Iβm making a new documentary series on how to fly an airplane
We are currently filming the pilot
π︎ 539
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︎ Jun 05 2021
Who was the first feline to fly in an airplane?
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︎ Jul 02 2021
What did one fly say to the other?
π︎ 3
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︎ Jun 27 2021
Whatβs the difference between politicians and flying pigs?
π︎ 276
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︎ Mar 08 2021
I live next to the rubbish dump and have a huge fly problem, the bloody things are everywhere. It's gotten so bad I've decided to sell my house and move...
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︎ Jun 04 2021
When you leave the church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster...
That's called A-pasta-cy
I'm proud of that one. I originally posted it to r/cleanjokes
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︎ Apr 14 2021
Why donβt seagulls fly around bays?
Because then they would be called bagels.
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︎ Jun 19 2021
Did you ever wonder why Peter Pan is always flying?
Itβs because he can never never land
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︎ Jun 05 2021
why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay, we'd call them bagels.
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︎ May 14 2021
A fly can walk but a walk can't fly (wingless fly in my garden LOL)
π︎ 16
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︎ Jun 24 2021
A family is flying to Japan on vacation. The son ask "dad, are we there yet" the dad replies "not yet son"
A few hours later the plane lands in japan. The dad looks at his son and says "okinawa here"
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︎ Mar 23 2021
Thereβs a giant fly in the house!
π︎ 8
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︎ May 09 2021
What's the difference between a mosquito and a fly?
A mosquito can fly but a fly can't mosquito.
My 11 year old daughter told me this one this evening lol.
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︎ Feb 02 2021
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting a
π︎ 8
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︎ Jul 16 2020
Why is Tinkerbell always flying?
Because she lives in Neverland!
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︎ Jun 05 2021
I went to the park the other day and saw a guy flying one of those tiny RC quadcopters.
I asked him about it and that was a mistake.
He just kept droning on and on!
π︎ 8
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︎ Mar 10 2021
The fly fishing tournament will not have spectators this year.
But it will be LIVE STREAMED.
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︎ Apr 08 2021
What type of owl is the worst at flying
π︎ 3
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︎ Apr 06 2021
Shamelessly stolen from the "Flying Pigs" comedy troop.
π︎ 5
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︎ Mar 12 2021
I found a flying mammal in my garden who wasn't looking well, so I took him to see Jon Bon Jovi.
He told me "Bat medicine is what you need Oh, oh, oh".
π︎ 5
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︎ Jun 15 2021
What language do things that fly in the sky speak....
Plane english
My 6yo laid this one on me and I hadn't heard it before so thought it might be enjoyed here
π︎ 23
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︎ May 01 2021
I can fly
π︎ 39
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︎ Jun 01 2021
Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a banana.
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︎ May 27 2021
Why did Han Solo refuse to let Chewbacca fly the Millennium Falcon?
Because he's still a Wookie.
π︎ 8
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︎ May 04 2021
What do you call a bagel that can fly?
π︎ 19
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︎ Jun 15 2021
Whatβs the difference between a baked sweet potato and a forcefully flying pig?
One is a heated yam, and the other is a yeeted ham.
π︎ 125
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︎ Jan 11 2021
What kind of bagel can fly?
π︎ 4
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︎ Jul 02 2021
I found out the other day that the flying spaghetti monster has a lot of anxiety.
I guess he suffers from impasta syndrome
π︎ 8
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︎ Mar 28 2021
A century ago, two brothers insisted that it was possible to fly ...
... and as you can see, they were Wright
π︎ 11k
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︎ Jan 18 2021
This morning Siri said "don't call me Shirley"
I'd accidentally left my phone in Airplane mode.
π︎ 6k
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︎ Jun 09 2021
so many choices
π︎ 5k
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︎ Jun 07 2021
Heard yβall like puns (flies were found dead, butter was found at the grocery store in the dairy isle)
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︎ Mar 07 2021
Flying high π§ββοΈ
π︎ 47
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︎ Apr 16 2021
What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk.
What do you call a fly with no wings and no legs?
A raisin.
π︎ 6
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︎ Jun 26 2021
Two flies are playing football on a saucer
Theyβre practicing for the cup
π︎ 2
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︎ Nov 11 2020
What has 4 wheels and flies?
π︎ 44
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︎ Jun 26 2021
I'm making a new documentary series about how to fly an airplane.
We're currently filming the pilot.
π︎ 13
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︎ Jun 06 2021
What kind of bagel can fly?
π︎ 6
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︎ Jun 29 2021
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