Why can’t you do Schrodinger’s experiment on the surface of Mars?
Because Curiosity killed the cat.
We must create artistic compositions made of various materials glued on a surface for my Art 419 class project...
I guess I'll give it the old collage try.
I was midway between the bow and the stern of my 120 foot yacht when suddenly I was surrounded by submarines that just surfaced...
Why did the student throw a 64 pack of Crayola crayons at his art teacher after he was done with his test?
He wanted to pass with flying colors.
I thought of that myself.
I ate some food coloring the other day and didn’t feel well. I went to the doctor but he told me I was fine.
I still feel like I dyed on the inside.
A couple of tourists were dining at a fine restaurant in Paris.
After waiting for an hour, the husband finally was able to catch the waiter's eye. "I want a bottle of your best wine," he ordered.
"What year?" asked the waiter.
"Right now!"
the husband said
It's never a good idea to overdo the energy drinks before buying fine dinnerware...
You don't want to be a Redbull in a China Shop.
My son grows a lot of fur and manufactures products of art or craft on nights when the moon is full...
Did you hear about the band that got cancelled by PETA for their album art featuring trees made of flesh?
They caught a lot of meatwood flack
I got a $1000 fine for taking a picture of myself.
It was an expensive self fee.
Two drunk guys were about to get into a brawl. One of the guys grabs a stick and draws a line in the dirt and says "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face"
I crossed the border into Mexico without much hassle. Crossing it a second time was fine too, but on the third time a guard stopped me and said “Sorry
Grandma is always saying to me ' Hey what's the name of that German guy again who keeps taking my stuff '
Alzheimer, Grandma, it's Alzheimer.
What do cannibals serve at the beginning of dinner party?
SpongeBob may be the main character of the show.
It's weird being colorblind in an art gallery. Everything's a pigment of the imagination.
Why did the art thief’s van run out of gas as he drove away from the museum?
Because he had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh
I asked my German friend if he knew the square root of 81.
The one and only acceptable way of advertising
One day, Anne decided to create some pencil and paper art. So she grabbed some of her chopped Terra Cotta and decided to create her art at a comedy club. There,
I was excited to get a large can of fine meat from Amazon.
But it turned out to be spam.
My friend was trying to feed her baby but he was having none of it. I said "Try the Airplane."
She said, "Airplane? What is it?"
"It's a classic spoof film from the 1980s but that's not important right now."
Everyone has heard of the historical figure, Karl Marx.
But no one remembers his sister, Onya, who invented the starting pistol.
Old man Art was planting flowers in his front yard. The homeowners’ association fined him $100.
Yard Art is strictly prohibited.
Ah sorry i didn't read the name of the subreddit right
What do you call the fine line between a statement and a joke?
Two brokers met on the sidewalk. "How's it going?" Said the one. "I'm fine," replied the other. "Well, gotta run," said the one. "Okay," said the other, "I'll see ya later." "All right. Bye."
So we all know that you find H2O inside a fire hydrant, but what do you find on the outside of a fire hydrant?
What is the opposite of isolate?
I need someone to repair the stone wall in the front of my house, but I don’t have a lot of money.
Incidentally, Free Masons are not what they sound like.
All hail the holy antlers of the deer god
My wife started making art by putting paint on her wheels and driving them all over the canvas.
not to brag, but they all look like van Gogh's
Even though the art thief and the photographer were friends,
Neither had ever taken the other’s picture.
It just occurred to me that the opposite of Artificial Intelligence is …
The CEO of IKEA has been elected Prime Minister of Sweden.
He's currently assembling his cabinet.
True story, just happened, proud of myself: Dog starts barking furiously out of nowhere. Come to the door to see she's startled a pair of guys from a roofing company who've come to fix a hole where squirrels are getting in.
"Sorry about her. Her specialty is also roofing."
Blank stares. My talents are so wasted without kids.
I got my wife a copy of the Pixar movie Up when it came out a long time ago, but she dropped it while opening it. She dropped it so many times over the years that the box is very damaged and the disc is no longer playable. Her other movies are perfectly fine, but not this one.
She did not hold Up well.
The Adventures of the Mathmagician (an educational and punny comic).
How do you determine the mass of a red hot chili pepper?
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now
Why was the dog fined after she had puppies?
I'm fine with alcohol and weed, but cocaine is where I draw the line !
A man went to the doctor’s and told him, “I feel like such a failure. All five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up.”
He said, “Wow, that’s the worst case of parking son’s disease I’ve ever seen.”
The invention of the shovel was just touching the surface of what today's is groundbreaking technology can achieve.
What's the opposite of ladyfinger?
the very peak of my existence about 6 months ago today
What is the hairiest side of a gorilla?
If someone told me tomorrow is the start of a new month...
The cast of “Friends” got stuck at sea in a boat, but thankfully nothing happened.
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