Patrick Roy, perhaps the best goaltender of all time, was having a family reunion.

Being a wealthy celebrity, he'd volunteered to hold the proceedings at his home. The spread was excellent and Pat's father drew him aside as things were winding down.

"I have a feeling your team is going to do great this year!"

"Why's that Dad?"

"I feel like God can't help but root for a man who's a father, a son and a goalie-host."

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrobeOfWar
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
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What did the biologist say when he stubbed his toe at his family reunion?

Ow mitosis!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/J0hnn1B01
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2017
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Baby gender reveal at my family reunion

My brother’s wife has been pregnant for five months and decided that they wanted to reveal the gender of the baby at our family reunion of about 40 people.

One night, after just finishing up a BBQ, my brother and his wife stand up and announce to the family that they are going to have a little baby girl. Everyone starts cheering, naturally.

Once the cheers die down a little I shout out, β€œDo you have a name for the baby yet?”

My brother replies, β€œYeah. Liana Noelle.”

Everyone starts to β€œOoohhh” and β€œAhhhh” and proclaim how pretty of a name it is.

Then after a moment I shout, β€œHow the hell are you supposed to spell Liana with no L?”

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mzahit29
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
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My 5-year-old niece is a little shit.

We were celebrating my other niece's 2nd birthday, when my 5-year-old niece comes up to me and says, "Hey Uncle, wanna play a game?"

"Sure. What game?"

"You pick a letter and I say three words that start with that letter."

Since it was her sister's birthday, I picked "B", assuming that she’ll probably say "Birthday".

She was like, "Okay… B... B... BB..."

I sat there for a second in a moment of defeat...

"Yes. Those are all words."

You little shit.


Edit for the Dad-impaired: "Be... Bee... BB..."

2nd Edit: Awesome! Each of my nieces got me to the top of this sub! Here's the one about the 2-year-old.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ted_E_Bear
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2016
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World famous coleslaw

My daughter told me this joke, which I assume she made up on the spot: β€œThere’s this grandma who has a world famous coleslaw recipe. At her family reunion she makes a huge batch. But her grandson, who hates coleslaw, refuses to have any. The grandma gets angry so her grandson gives in, and she heaps a large amount onto his plate. He stares at it sadly and says β€œI fought the slaw and the slaw won.”

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moffitar
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2019
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A bit of a read for a pun but...

So, my grandfather by the name of Leonard might lose his foot soon, due to diabetes/infection. Not at all hilarious, sure, but me and him have an awesome sense of humor. He lost his toe a few weeks back and I asked him if they placed it in a jar. He said, "No, they made it into stew."

My mother was less than pleased with our toe jokes but that was not the groaning moment.

A series of texts about my grandfather losing the entire foot ensues between my uncles, mom, sister and I. It went like this:

Me: If gramps loses his foot, in the worst case of scenarios, how would I go around asking the OR to put it in a jar? (directed to my sister who's a nurse)

Mom: OMG. Bad.

Sister: Ew. Lol.

Sister: http://giphy.com/gifs/jar-AuSAduPrXkDgk

Me: Oh man, if in forty years I'm ever at a family reunion all drunk, I'd be doing that. "Come my niece/nephew/grandchild! Speak of all your woes to the foot!"

Mom: STOP! Bad Grandchild!

Sister: You need a nap.

Me: I'd put the foot in an estate so that it can be passed down for many generations. It'll be the GrandPAW of Leo!

Mom: OMG

Sister: Ha!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mof920
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2016
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Father's gag to his sister.

While packing after our family camp reunion, my father invites his sister, obviously my aunt, to come eat lunch with us at av restaurant on the way home.

Aunt: Oh no thanks! [husband] and I went to Wendy's on our way here!

Dad: oh nice!... How is she doing?

There was much Groaning.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/trilere614
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2014
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Cereal Joker

As a little background, my wife and I traveled to michigan for a family reunion. While packing, my wife packed a 'bag of tricks' meaning a bag of toys for our 5 month old baby. Today she is taking a day trip with the baby to visit one of her friends. She is getting ready to go, bring extra clothes and such, and mentioned to me "I wont be able to bring the bag of tricks." I replied "Well maybe you should just bring some lucky charms."

I love being a dad.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Russed
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2014
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Baby gender reveal at my family reunion

My brother’s wife has been pregnant for five months and decided that they wanted to reveal the gender of the baby at our family reunion of about 40 people.

One night, after just finishing up a BBQ, my brother and his wife stand up and announce to the family that they are going to have a little baby girl. Everyone starts cheering, naturally.

Once the cheers die down a little I shout out, β€œDo you have a name for the baby yet?”

My brother replies, β€œYeah. Liana Noelle.”

Everyone starts to β€œOoohhh” and β€œAhhhh” and proclaim how pretty of a name it is.

Then after a moment I shout, β€œHow the hell are you supposed to spell Liana with no L?”


Edit (10/22/2014): Probably won't be seen or noticed by anyone, but my baby niece was just born today! She's on the opposite side of the country, but I can't wait to meet her!

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ted_E_Bear
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2014
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