The Ex Girlfriend Puns

We broke up because it turned out she was a cheetah

She hates when I call her that.

She doesn't like me calling her that, however.

I wonder what she is up to now.

We didn’t work out.

There was so much history between us.

Turned out it was just catatonic.

Then she vanished into Finn Air.

It was a 'once in Bloom moon' experience.

When I told her she was my world, she decided to break up.

A 22 year-old man was obsessed with tractors, so much so that he had no social life outside of his fascination with farm machinery. His mother eventually intervened, forcing him to throw away all of his tractor merchandise and ordered him to find himself a girlfriend.

The man went to a bar that night in search of a partner and encountered a beautiful blonde. After exchanging pleasantries, the two moved outside in order to have a proper conversation away from the music. As they ventured into the smoking area, the woman complained that she hated the cigarette fumes which had engulfed them. Without flinching, the man took a huge, deep breath and inhaled all of the second-hand smoke in the vicinity.

Staring on in amazement, the woman asks how he could possibly have removed the smoke from the room.

The man turns back to her and replies: "I'm an ex tractor fan"

"We should have named you Rohan"

"Dad, why would you name me Rohan?"

"So I could refer to your ex-girlfriends as 'The Riders of Rohan' "

I was at my ex-girlfriend's grandfather's funeral just kind of standing on the side of the room. her sister's husband walked over to me and introduced me to his father. I noticed that his tie had whales and dolphins on it and he said it was his favorite tie. I learned over to my ex and said "at least he wears that tie with a porpoise."

(needless to say, she didn't speak to me for a while)

I'm explaining problem solving to my HS freshmen physical science class and I get to the part about the formula, which I call a "relationship". I say that I, personally, am in a long term relationship with my ex-girlfriend. "I thought you were married" a bunch shout out. I am, my wife used to be my girlfriend.

Groans ensued, but the best part was one young lady shaking her head saying "I hate you so much Mr. RichardCranium_"

Couple years ago -

My now ex-girlfriend was talking about her friend Samantha and how she doesn't left the church choir to take care of her dad on weekends.

Me: oh.. so.. Sam doesn't sing anymore? Her: no. Me: so... Sam sung?

Family was discussing how my brother's ex-girlfriend's grandmother is being transported to RI to be buried after passing away in Florida.

Me: Isn't it sorta weird... you know.. that there could be a dead person flying in a plane en route to Rhode Island.

Dad: No, not really. I'd say the guy she was sitting next to would be the only one a little creeped out.

I sometimes wonder what she is up to now.

There was just too much history between us.

There was too much history between us.

I wonder what she’s up to now.

I wonder what she is up to now.

We didn’t work out.

Then she just vanished into FinnAir.

My ex girlfriend is standing at the opposite end of the museum from me!

I want to say hello but there's just too much history between us.