The big bad wolf converted to Buddhism and there was finally peace in the forest. But suddenly, the air was filled with screams of terror! A bear asked the animals running past him, "What's happening now?"
"The big bad wolf!" a goat shouted. "Is meditating!"
"So? Isn't that a good thing? questioned the bear.
"Noooo!" the goat bleated. "It's become aware wolf!"
How is the British child of an Australian bear and a Antarctic sea animal like a Tupperware?
They're both koala-tea-seals!
Why is it spelled "Color" in the US but "Colour" in Britain?
Because after the revolutionary war, the freed United States told Britain defiantly, "We're getting rid of you".
Thousand and thousands of years ago, during the last ice age, there lived an animal that excelled at trigonometry, geometry, and could recite Pi to 100 decimal places. It was known simply as.....
.....the mammothematician.
What is the colour of wind?
Which name for a man is the most colourful?
I've just bought my wife a new coat, that's all the colours of the Spectrum.
Black, with grey rubber buttons.
Did you hear about the chameleon who couldn't change colour?
He had a reptile dysfunction.
Did you hear about Roger Daltrey and Pete Townshend breaking into an animal shelter and releasing a bunch of huskies into the wild??
Turns out it was The Who that let the dogs out
A man walks into a zoo. The only animal in the entire zoo is a dog.
I won the top prize in a lottery themed around the world's tallest terrestrial animal
I guess a picked a pretty lucky giraffle ticket
According to ancient Japanese lore, the colour of a person’s aura changes when they die.
What's the full name of somebody who loves Japanese animation?
Which animals are the biggest nerds?
Fish, because they spend all their time in schools
Imagine being held at gunpoint by (bear with me) a literate animal, and the only hope of rescue is (BEAR WITH ME) posting a coded message on social media.
wHo the hEll would beLieve such a thing can hapPen.
I was out on a safari when i saw this big, fat, grey animal limping painfully toward a muddy pond. I asked the tour guide if it was injured...
He said, "No, it's just a hip-hurt-potamus"
I had to throw an entire box of animal crackers away.
Did you hear about the guy who makes comics out of tiny colourful plastic discs?
He is a sequintial artist.
We’re you aware that the NFL has a rule on professional athletes and the animals they can own as pets? They are prohibited from owning a duck as a pet!
Zebras are the least morally ambiguous animals.
They are literally black and white.
What is the cheapest animal?
A male deer, its only one buck. A female deer is more expensive doe.
Which animal has the biggest breasts
What's the strongest animal in the sea?
What animal is the best at preparing for trips?
Elemphants, cause they are pachyderms.
Who always gets blamed for letting the farm animals out of their pens?
What’s the dumbest animal in the jungle?
The CEO of IKEA has been elected Prime Minister of Sweden.
He's currently assembling his cabinet.
My dad saw an ad for game with heavily armed animals. He asked me what they gave the naked mole rats.
I told him stealth gear and a go bag. He is an exposed double agent.
True story, just happened, proud of myself: Dog starts barking furiously out of nowhere. Come to the door to see she's startled a pair of guys from a roofing company who've come to fix a hole where squirrels are getting in.
"Sorry about her. Her specialty is also roofing."
Blank stares. My talents are so wasted without kids.
Why are fish the most educated animal?
Thy spend their whole life in a school.
How do you determine the mass of a red hot chili pepper?
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now
If a speck of colour on your clothes is called a stain,
Is paintball a form of Enterstainment?
the very peak of my existence about 6 months ago today
The cast of “Friends” got stuck at sea in a boat, but thankfully nothing happened.
You know the animal that kills the most people in the world?
A man walks into a zoo. The only animal in the entire zoo is a dog.
....
It was a shitzu.
EDIT: For those who say it's "stolen", i had no idea. A friend of mine told me this one yesterday and i just had to post it. That's it :)
The most important part of a mail pun, is the delivery.
What kind of bird doesn’t know the words to their own song?
A sales guy tried to sell me on a new preparation to wash my hair with, which supposedly contains the excrements of some very special rainforest animal or whatever.
My Roomba accidentally went out the front door, and the neighborhood animals immediately started attacking it.
When I was in florida I saw signs saying "animal sanctuary 5$." so I decided to follow them but when I got there it was just a middle aged couple with hundreds of house cats and one dog in a cage.
You know what animal has the hardest life?
Dogs have it pretty ruff.
One of my daughters wants to marry the mailman...
A man walks into a zoo and the only animal inside is a dog.
According to ancient Japanese lore, the colour of a person’s aura changes to cyan before they die.
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