I just met the happiest girl ever...
I toured the USS Missouri today…
In the ship I saw the Master at Arms’ office and weapon storage was right near the ship’s bakery. It struck me as odd, until I realized that the Navy followed the same principles as the Army having the US gold in Fort Knox, surrounded by an armored force.
You have to be able to guard the dough.
I was out on a safari when i saw this big, fat, grey animal limping painfully toward a muddy pond. I asked the tour guide if it was injured...
He said, "No, it's just a hip-hurt-potamus"
What did the cheetah say when the gazelle started running away?
This may not be the place to post this but I’m heartbroken that my girl broke up with me due to her hallucinations.
We’d be the only people in a room and she’d tell me that she’s seeing somebody else.
It's the girl neck's door
Why was the Egyptian girl upset?
Because her Daddy was a mummy
I met the grungiest girl the other day...
Her name was Allison Chains
You can tell the gender of an ant by putting it on top of water. If it sinks, it's a girl ant. If it doesn't, buoyant.
What is the difference between a tribe of pygmies and a girls track team?
The first is a cunning bunch of runts.
I met my dream girl the other night.
My girlfriend and I were just touring the farmer’s market - she said one of the tables had some red hot chilli peppers, and asked if I wanted some.
I said, only if they’re givin’ ‘em away, givin’ ‘em away, givin’ ‘em away now.
One night the girl heard a hushed gravelly voice coming from the stables.. Seeing an old man, she screamed "Who are you?"
"They call me the hoarse whisperer"
I think the girl at the Airlines check-in just threatened me.
She looked me dead in the eye and said, “Window or aisle?”
I laughed in her face and replied, “Window or you’ll what?”
I finally told the girl I like I thought she was hot
She told me to turn on the Air Conditioner
I went on a date last night with a girl from the zoo
It was great. She’s a keeper.
Last Halloween a girl dressed as the grim reaper came to my door with messy hair and asked me politely to fix it.
That night, I had a brush with death.
Bought a circus ticket to see the gypsy girl's dancing bear.
Who is the official tour guide for the Vatican?
Did you hear about the girl who tried to smuggle drugs in her bra ?
Police said, it led to a bigger bust.
What did Spanish freshman guy said to the final year girl?
Why was the cheetah bad at hide and seek?
Wherever she hid she was always spotted.
I met a girl on Tinder and we were going to go to the gym on our first date, but she stood me up.
I suppose we aren't gonna work out.
A boy who enters a fandom is called a fanboy. A girl who enters the fandom is called a fangirl. What is a non binary person called then?
A girl came into my bookstore and asked "What are the chances you have a book on curing eating disorders with religion?"
Slim to Nun?
(Incidentally this is a true story and I got yelled at)
What's the difference between a boy clock and a girl clock?
A boy clock goes "tick tock, tick tock, tick tock" and a girl clock just tocks...and tocks...and tocks.
I went out with a girl the other night, she wore this real slinky dress...
She looked great going down the stairs.
Met a beautiful girl over Spring Break in Mexico, but she constantly talked about the end of the world.
Which Spice Girl can hold the most petrol?
Who do the Spice Girls speak to when they have an issue with one another?
What do you give the girl who’s got everything?
So the doctor sat me down and gently revealed to me me that my child is a boy trapped in a girls body...
...Until my wife gives birth that is. Only three more months to go!
What does an adolescent cheetah in the open say?
What did the cheetah say when she was falsely accused by the lioness?
You've got to believe me, I'm not lion!
I tried to plan a tour of the worlds oldest library
Unfortunately it was fully booked
I was on a safari in Africa when one of the tourists asked our guide, “Is it difficult to spot cheetahs?”
He said, “No, they usually come that way.”
Did you hear about the girl with bee's in her head?
Yeah, she's got a hive mind now.
The girl is the middle of the tennis court
The deaf girl didn’t show up to her court case yesterday
In college, I used to live on a houseboat, and started dating the girl next door.
Eventually we drifted apart.
What do you call it when a girl's butt looks hot but is really cold to the touch?
I met a girl on Tinder and we were going to go to the gym on our first date, but she stood me up.
I suppose we aren't gonna work out.
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
