How do you cut down the Roman Empire?

With a pair of Caesars.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/uhlsa11
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2021
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What can jump higher, the empire state building or a kangaroo

The kangaroo cause the empire state building can't jump

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nobody492
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2021
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Do u know how the roman empire was cut in half?-------How?-------With a pair of Caesars!!!!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/st0len_meme
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
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One administrator of Cloud City struck a New Deal with the Empire: Franklin DeLando Roosevelt
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheMus3
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
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How did the Roman Empire get split in two?

With a pair of caesars

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πŸ‘€︎ u/modular-emergence
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
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How do you track Will Smith in the snow?

You look for the fresh prints!

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2021
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There are only two white people in the movie Black Panther

Martin Freeman, and Andy Serkis.

They also play roles in Lord of the Rings.

I guess that makes them the Tolkien white guys.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jzagri
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2021
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What did the left eye say to the right eye when they got married?

'Eye-do'

This is my first post pls don't kill me lol.

The people in the comment section is why I love this subreddit!!

Cred once again my sis wants credit lol

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tieyz
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2021
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What was a very common name in the middle ages?

I heard parents named their children lance a lot.

First post please don't kill me

Edit: i went to sleep and now my inbox is dead, thank you kind strangers for the awards!

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2021
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What pan is the best to make sushi in?

Japan.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Most-Stomach4240
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2021
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I've just deleted all the German names off my pre owned iPhone..

it's Hans free now..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2021
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Did you know 10+10 and 11+11 are the same?

10+10 is twenty and 11+11 is twenty too

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2021
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Two drunk guys were about to get into a brawl. One of the guys grabs a stick and draws a line in the dirt and says "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face"

That was the punchline

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2021
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I threw up in the toilet
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2021
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The elderly wife in church turned to her husband and said, β€œI’ve just done a silent fart. What should I do?”

He said, β€œChange the batteries in your hearing aid”.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BritishTeeth11
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2021
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Oh the tangled web we weave ...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RogueDisciple
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2021
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Grandma is always saying to me ' Hey what's the name of that German guy again who keeps taking my stuff '

Alzheimer, Grandma, it's Alzheimer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2021
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I got dishonourably discharged from the Navy yesterday for accidentally boarding a different vessel.

Oops, wrong sub.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2021
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What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?

Attire

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RodimusMajor84
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2021
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What do you call the British Empire for ants?

British Antpire

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iamapersonmf
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
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What do cannibals serve at the beginning of dinner party?

handshakes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tarjuful_Tabeeb
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2021
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SpongeBob may be the main character of the show.

But Patrick is the star.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2021
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Whoever invented the knock knock joke should get a prize.

The no bell prize.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WittyOnReddit
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2021
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A policeman was interrogating 3 guys who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guys a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The second guy smiles, flips his hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"

The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!!? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third guy and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?

He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."

The third guy looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses."

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.

"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file on his computer and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.

"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does, in fact, wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"

"That's easy..." the third guy replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/808gecko808
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2021
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I asked my German friend if he knew the square root of 81.

He said no.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/superuglypotate
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2021
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What's the difference between Iron Man & Aluminum Man?

Iron Man stops the bad guy, Aluminum Man foils their plans.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2021
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How was the roman empire seperated?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/knorke3
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2020
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The one and only acceptable way of advertising
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πŸ‘€︎ u/supdawggg00
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2021
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Me: Sorry I'm late. I broke down on the way to work.

Boss: Is your car with the mechanic?

Me: Car?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAzrael2013
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2021
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Whats the difference between a dad joke and a bad joke?

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

The direction the first letter faces

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Samusftw
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2021
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My 5 year old son has started asking awkward questions about the human body.

I suppose the freezer wasn't the best place to hide it....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ExtraSure
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2021
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At the weekend, I like to play chess with elderly men in the park. But it's becoming increasingly harder..

..to find exactly 32 of them.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2021
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DAD JOKES ARE NOT DIRTY.

Go post NSFW jokes somewhere else. If I can't tell my kids this joke, then it is not a DAD JOKE.

If you feel it's appropriate to share NSFW jokes with your kids, that's on you. But a real, true dad joke should work for anyone's kid.

Mods... If you exist... Please, stop this madness. Rule #6 should simply not allow NSFW or (wtf) NSFL tags. Also, remember that MINORS browse this subreddit too? Why put that in rule #6, then allow NSFW???

Please consider changing rule #6. I love this sub, but the recent influx of NSFW tagged posts that get all the upvotes, just seem wrong when there are good solid DAD jokes being overlooked because of them.

Thank you,

A Dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Von_Bostaph
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2021
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Everyone has heard of the historical figure, Karl Marx.

But no one remembers his sister, Onya, who invented the starting pistol.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OwenJthomas89
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2021
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My friend was trying to feed her baby but he was having none of it. I said "Try the Airplane."

She said, "Airplane? What is it?"

"It's a classic spoof film from the 1980s but that's not important right now."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BellaLugosisChips
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2021
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Two women were sharing the same ID card

Because Sharon is Karen

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2021
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My 5 year old told me this today - Dad, how does a farmer count all his animals in the barn?

With a cowculator!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JonSnohthathurt
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2021
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Today, I'm attaching a light fitting to the ceiling. I've never done it before.

I'll probably screw it up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BellaLugosisChips
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2021
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What’s the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?

Black eyed peas can sing us a song and chickpeas can only hummus one.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/coadnamedalex
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2021
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Did you know that 10+10 and 11+11 are the same thing?

Because 10+10 is twenty and 11+11 is twenty too..

Edit: thank you for awards, I have never gotten one before. I apologize that this is a repost, I did see it on TikTok and thought that it was cute and wanted to share. In the future I will check the sub for similar content before I post anything.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lewzerman
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2021
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The Communist ....Party
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Saxonez
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2021
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Looking for just the right place to hang this.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Im_a_furniture
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2021
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Ah sorry i didn't read the name of the subreddit right
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2021
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Thankfully, hindsight is now empirically 2020
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThePowderhorn
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
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Can someone please tell me what the lowest rank in the Army is???

Every time I ask someone, they tell me "it's private."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GuyOnABison
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2021
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Bill and Melinda Gates got divorced. Melinda got the house...

But Bill kept the Windows

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ScubaPride
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2021
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I heard a kangaroo can jump higher than the Empire State building.

Actually, they all can. Buildings don't jump at all.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
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Can a turkey jump higher than the Empire State Building?

Of course it can! A building can’t jump at all!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoodChadAndUgly
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
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What’s the difference between a sharply dressed man on a bicycle, and a poorly dressed man on a unicycle?

Attire.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/atomicskiracer
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2021
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