A woman at the bank asked me to check her balance yesterday

So I pushed her

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πŸ‘€︎ u/-TheManInTheChair
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2021
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A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, β€œGive me all your money or you’re geography!” Puzzled, the teller asks, β€œDon’t you mean history?”

The robber yells, β€œDon’t change the subject!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/808gecko808
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2021
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Did you know vampires are suckers for deals? What do you call a vampire who uses coupons? Discount. What's a vampires favorite currency? Bite coin. The only kind of bank a vampire trusts is a blood bank. They still never make deposits.

Inspired by a recent post.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PainTitan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2021
🚨︎ report
I got fired from my job at the bank today.

An old lady ask me to check her balance, so I pushed her over

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gwforeman
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2021
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The police managed to capture the bank robbers and free all nine hostages, thanks to one of the robbers who turned on his mates. When asked for a comment the officer in charge simply said...

A snitch in time saves nine.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeadOnDeparture98
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2021
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Did you hear about the man that robbed a bank while riding on top of a dolphin?

He did it on porpoise.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Silvawuff
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2021
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From my 9yo: Why did the coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MadCow-18
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy who tried to rob a bank with a statue?

It was a bust

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IronTemplar26
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2021
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Last year I attempted to prevent a bank robbery and was shot in the process

Luckily the bullet was deflected by the loose change in my breast pocket, you could say it was my life savings

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OwenJthomas89
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2021
🚨︎ report
I looked at my bank account and realized I could live comfortably for the rest of my life

If I die on Thursday

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Murder-I-Wrote
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2021
🚨︎ report
When closing on my new house I went to the bank with a sack of feathers...

...but they refused to accept my down payment.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tsvk
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2021
🚨︎ report
I lost my job at the bank...

Turns out you're not supposed to push customers if they ask you to check their balance.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BillyBob_TX
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did Darth Vader go to the bank?

To get a bank clone!

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wimpykidfan37
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2021
🚨︎ report
I lost my job at the bank on my first day

A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

πŸ‘︎ 504
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pantlesspatrick
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2021
🚨︎ report
So I lost my job at the bank today.

Apparently you can't take "leftovers" home.

πŸ‘︎ 147
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mr_ecstaticTTV
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2021
🚨︎ report
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller.

He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patty Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mama_Bear15
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did the clownfish go to the bank?

It wanted to reef-inance!

You know why it wanted to do that?

Its house was underwater!

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tedshif
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2021
🚨︎ report
I went to the bank to check my balance...

...and I fell off the damn roof.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bozo_dubbed_over
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the psychic little person who robbed the bank?

The headlines read 'Small Medium at Large.'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SuspiciousOrwell
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2021
🚨︎ report
(Bear with me its a long setup) A frog walks into a bank and asks a woman named Patricia Whack for a loan. "My father is Mick Matter" he says, placing a ceramic elephant on the counter. Patricia goes to her boss and tells him the story, asking "what is this?" And placing the elephant on his desk.

The man replies " It's A knicknack, patty whack, give the frog a loan, his old mans a rolling stone (also I meant Mick jagger my autocorrect sucks balls)

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a vampire whose car broke down three miles from the blood bank?

A cab.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Salsal_Azar
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2021
🚨︎ report
How did the banker feel alone in the bank?

LOANsome

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShivaKrishna999
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2021
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What did the broccoli say to the get away driver after robbing a bank?

Floret!

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoddamnCheetah
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you know you can borrow cheese from the bank in Utah?

Yeah, it's called a Provo-loan

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/snack_ary
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2021
🚨︎ report
A pastor, a priest, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank, and the nurse asks what blood type they are.

The rabbit says, β€œI’m probably a Type-O”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rmath12
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
🚨︎ report
I was outside the bank the other day ...

When an old lady walked up to me, gave me her debit card and PIN AND asked me to check her balence...

So I pushed her over.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/splee255
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2021
🚨︎ report
I lost my job at the bank today

My wife asked what happened, but I just can't TELLER

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πŸ‘€︎ u/snoopseanie
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2021
🚨︎ report
What would you call jar jar binks if he worked at the bank?

Jar jar banks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Baransuu
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2021
🚨︎ report
The nurse at the sperm bank asked if I wanted to masturbate in the cup

I replied: I know I am pretty good, but I don’t think I’m ready to compete just yet

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JayCola93
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2021
🚨︎ report
How did the bank robber choose his next target?

He used Google safe search!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Get_outside_
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2021
🚨︎ report
I lost my job at the bank today.

I gotta let my wife know, but I don’t know how to teller.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pippingigi
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the wanted posters say when the psychic midget robbed the bank?

Small Medium at Large

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElasmoGNC
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the obese psychic who worked at a bank?

She was a four chin teller

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ImprudentGoose
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the Reddit user say after detonating a bomb in a bank?

Edit: Wow, this blew up! Thanks for the gold kind stranger!

Edit: Credit to r/Teenagers for this

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ustydud
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Why couldn't the skeleton rob the bank?

It didint have the guts.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hmmm_er
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2021
🚨︎ report
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, β€œGive me all your money or you’re geography!” The teller replies, β€œDon’t you mean history?”

The robber says, β€œDon’t change the subject!"

πŸ‘︎ 597
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πŸ‘€︎ u/2040009
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2021
🚨︎ report
I got fired from the bank today.

A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TuttsMcGee
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance.

So I pushed her over.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2021
🚨︎ report
I got fired at the bank today...

An elderly woman came in and asked me to check her balance.

So I pushed her over.

πŸ‘︎ 146
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pivoters
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2021
🚨︎ report
I got fired from my job at the bank the other day

An old lady asked me to check her balance...so I pushed her over.

πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KlutzyTrip6389
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2021
🚨︎ report
A lady at the bank today wanted to check her balance.

So I pushed her over.

πŸ‘︎ 76
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Caleb-the-God
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to check her balance...

So I pushed her over.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MEDHATOVIC
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2021
🚨︎ report
I lost my job at the bank

A woman asked me to check her balance so I pushed her over

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ImprudentGoose
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend's dad lost his job at the bank the other day because an old lady asked him to check her balance,

so he pushed her over

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jade_Sabre
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2021
🚨︎ report
A lady in the bank asked me to check her balance ...

So I pushed her over.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrWulf360
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2021
🚨︎ report
A woman approached me in the bank and for me to check her balance…….

So I pushed her over

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bungle_bogs
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2021
🚨︎ report
I got fired from my job at the bank today. An old lady asked me to check her balance...

...so I pushed her over.

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jimjimjimjim69
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2021
🚨︎ report

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