SpongeBob may be the main character of the show.

But Patrick is the star.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2021
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A policeman was interrogating 3 guys who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guys a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The second guy smiles, flips his hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"

The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!!? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third guy and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?

He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."

The third guy looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses."

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.

"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file on his computer and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.

"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does, in fact, wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"

"That's easy..." the third guy replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/808gecko808
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2021
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I asked my date to meet me at the gym, but she didn't show up

I guess we aren't going to work out

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ImprudentGoose
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2021
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My favorite crime tv show has a duck as the main character.

He always quacks the case.

πŸ‘︎ 117
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πŸ‘€︎ u/T20J
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2021
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I gave my daughter a watch for her birthday. She thought it was so cool and when she showed it to the next door neighbor, he asked, "That's a pretty watch you've got there! Does it tell you the time?"

She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2021
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Recently watched an Australian cooking show where the chef got applauded for making meringue

Strange...usually Australians boo meringue

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yoru
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2021
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I made a graph showing all my past relationships

It has an ex-axis and a why-axis

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PeaPanties
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2021
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Why is the show called SpongeBob SquarePants?

Patrick is clearly the star.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AHoboInSpace
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2021
🚨︎ report
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....

But you have to prove your jokes can land.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dogmatic_Catalyst
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2021
🚨︎ report
What is the most popular sci-fi show in Europe?

Star Czech.

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAzrael2013
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2021
🚨︎ report
Batman invited all the superheroes for a discussion on Bitcoin. Superman didn't show up

Because it was Crypto-night

πŸ‘︎ 103
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iknowthisischeesy
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2021
🚨︎ report
Where can you find all the famous fish hanging out before an awards show?

On the red carp

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Strawbalicious
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2021
🚨︎ report
It took my friend a lot of balls to appear in the Reality TV show β€œEmbarrassing Bodies”.

Three, to be exact.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2021
🚨︎ report
Was planning a big announcement that I’m watching the new Marvel TV show.

But I’m keeping it low key.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vbloke
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2021
🚨︎ report
I don’t know how I feel about the new show Loki

I guess you could say I’m low key not loving it

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nbnicholas
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2021
🚨︎ report
An ice cube is widely used to show the changes of matter.

It's an solid example.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AungAlvin
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2021
🚨︎ report
It was my goal to bury the body during a break in the middle of the show.

It was my intermission.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pippingigi
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2021
🚨︎ report
If we have the show "X-Files", Chris Hanson's "To Catch a Predator" could be called "Pedo-Files".
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheSuitedHound
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2021
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Me: "Excuse me, can you show me where the self help books are?"

Librarian: "Well, that would kinda defeat the purpose, don't you think?"

πŸ‘︎ 526
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2021
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Jimmy Johns got my order wrong, I showed them the sandwich they gave me

Oops, wrong sub.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fez0321
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2021
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What will the frog say when you show him this post?

Reddit.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BellaLugosisChips
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Is 'The Vampire Diaries' even a good show?

I heard the Characters suck a lot

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/assastrix
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the new TV show called The Walking Dad?

It’s about dads who walk around the house all day turning off lights and muttering that they’re β€œnot made of money.”

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2021
🚨︎ report
My barber was kicked of the talent show

He didn’t make the cut

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/T20J
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2021
🚨︎ report
A parrot was going to go to a showing of Monty Python and the Holy Grail but forgot what time it was and showed up halfway through.

It was a late parrot.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fireburner80
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2021
🚨︎ report
I was standing in front of the bedroom mirror looking myself over, rather unhappy with what I saw. I told my wife "I feel horrible. I look fat. I'm ugly. When did my hair start retreating like this? When did this stretch mark show up? I could use a compliment honey, my self esteem is in the dumps."

She looked at me and replied "your eyesight is damn near perfect."

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ“…︎ May 12 2021
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Anyone who can spell the word drawer backwards...

..... Will get a reward.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2021
🚨︎ report
How do you track Will Smith in the snow?

You look for the fresh prints!

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2021
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A Nun is trying to become a radio show host. But it's hard because they are Trans.

I keep telling them that Trans-sister radio shows are just not in right now.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fawstar
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2021
🚨︎ report
There are only two white people in the movie Black Panther

Martin Freeman, and Andy Serkis.

They also play roles in Lord of the Rings.

I guess that makes them the Tolkien white guys.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jzagri
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2021
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Argon enters a bar, the bartender says β€œWe don’t serve noble gases here.”

Argon does not react.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dick_Squeakly
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2021
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"ground" the kid
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/freakynit
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2021
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What did the left eye say to the right eye when they got married?

'Eye-do'

This is my first post pls don't kill me lol.

The people in the comment section is why I love this subreddit!!

Cred once again my sis wants credit lol

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tieyz
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2021
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What tv show did the astronaut appear in?

Dancing with the stars

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/THPSROCKS
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a mom who turns into a dad?

Transparent

(sorry it sucks, it's like 2:30 in the morning right now and I haven't slept)

(Edit: holy shit! I wasn't expecting this to get so many upvotes. Also thanks for the awards guys, I really appreciate it!)

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bangtan_Pikachu
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2021
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What was a very common name in the middle ages?

I heard parents named their children lance a lot.

First post please don't kill me

Edit: i went to sleep and now my inbox is dead, thank you kind strangers for the awards!

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2021
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Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?

To get to the... Bottom...

(as told by my 5yo son, I'm so proud)

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wotmate
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2021
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What pan is the best to make sushi in?

Japan.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Most-Stomach4240
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2021
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The police just showed up at my house and arrested my bottle of water. They said he was wanted in 3 states...

Solid, liquid and gas

πŸ‘︎ 410
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brundonius
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
🚨︎ report
I said to my wife, "I need to call the doctor today." Concerned, she asked, "Which doctor?"

"No, the regular kind!" I laughed.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/808gecko808
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2021
🚨︎ report
I've just deleted all the German names off my pre owned iPhone..

it's Hans free now..

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2021
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I'm starting to hate shows like Chernobyl

I can count all 7 inaccuracies from the first episode on one hand

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ToasterTwit
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2021
🚨︎ report
We just bought our new dream house and as I was showing our daughter around for the first time, she asked excitedly, "What's upstairs!?" I chuckled and replied, "Awwwww sweetie...."

"Stairs don't talk!"

πŸ‘︎ 19k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know 10+10 and 11+11 are the same?

10+10 is twenty and 11+11 is twenty too

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2021
🚨︎ report
I showed up late to the Kleptomaniacs Anonymous meeting.

Needless to say, all the seats were already taken.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2021
🚨︎ report
Two drunk guys were about to get into a brawl. One of the guys grabs a stick and draws a line in the dirt and says "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face"

That was the punchline

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2021
🚨︎ report
A policeman was interrogating 3 guys who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guys a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The second guy smiles, flips his hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"

The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!!? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third guy and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?

He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."

The third guy looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses."

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.

"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file on his computer and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.

"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does, in fact, wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"

"That's easy..." the third guy replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
🚨︎ report
My date was supposed meet me at the gym but they didn't show up.

That's when I knew we weren't going to work out.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bryanBr
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
🚨︎ report
I invited my hot date to the gym for a training session, but she didn't show up.

That's when I knew that we weren't going to work out.

πŸ‘︎ 82
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlexJamesCook
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2021
🚨︎ report

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