Did you hear about the no-armed man who entered the masturbation contest?
Poor guy didn’t come anywhere.
My dad saw an ad for game with heavily armed animals. He asked me what they gave the naked mole rats.
I told him stealth gear and a go bag. He is an exposed double agent.
Where did the one armed man go
Are the guards at the Paralympics armed?
Or is that considered cheating?
I was tried for armed robbery, but the case was overturned on a technicality.
My father always said I lack conviction.
What is the best armed country in the world?
How do one armed people go about the it daily routines?
What do you call a depot where the armed forces store their camouflage?
Who is the healthiest person in the Armed Forces?
Have you heard about the one-armed bandit? ...
He has already robbed five banks single-handedly.
What did the driver with the cockney accent tell the one armed, three headed hitchhiker?
'Allo, 'allo, 'allo! You seem 'armless enough. 'Op in!
I heard they don't allow confectioners in the armed services anymore...
Watched the news the other day about an armed robbery...
...of course it was armed. Kind of hard to rob a place with no arms.
Whats the best way to survive an attack of armed clowns.
Why are they called the armed forces?
Because it's hard to fight a war with just your legs.
Why do the Norwegian Armed Forces have bar-codes on the sides of their ships?
So when they get back home, they can Scandinavian.
Did you hear about the one armed man who went fishing?
Told me he caught a fish thhhhiiiiisss big (Whilst holding up one hand)
My wife laughed, "The lottery is a tax on fools who can't do math!" I shrugged and said, "You never know! Anybody can win the lottery." Folding her arms, she asked, "Do you even know the chances of a person winning the lottery?" I shot back, "Yes!! 100%!!"
My brother broke his arm at the aquarium
We had to fetch a sturgeon.
What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in the ocean??
Have you heard the one about your arm bone?
I mean a deaf person with one arm the other day...
The conversation was pretty one-sided.
It's the little things that count (also a T-rex's arms)
https://www.instagram.com/standup.trex/
https://preview.redd.it/9449vyyyj4f61.png?width=620&format=png&auto=webp&s=4f5d46a86d95447af0958da58a8583a00398e36f
Watching the Superbowl and they mentioned Brady has a good arm.
Bet he could really throw a Tom ato
Did you hear about the guy that walked into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm?
He asked the bartender for a beer, and one for the road.
So I’m at dinner with the fam, telling the joke about what the kid with no arms got for Christmas (we still don’t know because he hasn’t opened them yet)...I set it up...a friend of mine at work has a kid...no arms...and deliver the punchline...
And my 10 year old son, completely deadpan, tells me
‘Dad, I knew that story wasn’t real because you don’t have any friends’
👻👻💀💀☠️☠️ It took me a solid 5 minutes to stop laughing.
I have achieved Dad level 10 at raising my kids
What do you call 2 guys with no arms and no legs standing in the windowsill?
Why did sally fall off the swing? She had no arms.
Knock Knock "who's there" Not Sally
What did the seal with a broken arm say to the shark?
"Do not consume if seal is broken."
I meet guy with a deer on the end of each arm.
I went to the doctor because my arm hurt. He took an Xray and told me I have a humerus fracture.
Personally, I didn't find it funny at all.
We are doing a jigsaw puzzle of the human anatomy, and I hid the upper arm.
Nobody else finds this humerus.
Wife after the gym: "Ugh I can't feel my arms"
reaches out and touches her arm "Oh that's ok, I'll feel them for you!"
Anyways I'm divorced now.
I went to the doctor and I told him I broke my arm in two places.
He said stop going to those places
What is a guy with no arms, no legs, to the wall?
My rooster is an artist. He draws on plates and I add arms and numbers, but for the life of me I can’t tell if he’s drawing snakes, mountains, teepee’s, etc., so I finally asked him and he said:
Did you guys hear about the guy in that horrible car accident? Lost his left leg and left arm
Don’t worry, he’s all right now.
What do you call a man with no arms or legs in the middle of the sea?
I broke my upper arm falling down the stairs.
It's quite humerus if you think about it.
Did you hear about the poker player who lost his arm and got a prosthetic replacement?
He's finding it hard to deal with.
Why was the clock not worried after getting an arm amputation?
Because it had a second hand.
Why can't you give credit to elbow for bending the arm?
Because it's a Joint effort
Another no-arms, no-legs joke to add to the database...
French woman with Covid?
La Wheez.
So I heard the guy who wrote the hokey pokey died recently...
Nice funeral and all, but they had a horrible time getting him in the casket. You know when they tried to put the right arm in....
I got in a bad accident and the doctors had to remove my left leg and arm
At that moment I realized I had nothing left to lose
When you see a person person at the bus stop with no arms and legs don’t start a conversation with...
“Hi, how are you getting on?”
I have three different levels of tan on me. One level is my arms and legs from wearing a shirt and shorts. The next level is from not wearing a shirt at the beach. And the last is under my shorts.
Did you know the Apollo 11 astronauts arm wrestled to decide who would be the first man on the moon?
The weatherman for our local TV channel broke both his arms and his legs in a car accident.
He is calling in from the hospital with his four casts.
Everyone tells me I have the right to bear arms...
But I don’t want to fight a bear for his arms.
A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm and asks the barman....
“Can I have a drink for me and one for the road”
I happily hummed as I attached the final arm to my dead girlfriends torso...
Check out the battle scar on my arm. Made from scratch.
My brother broke his arm at the aquarium
We had to fetch a sturgeon.
What do you call A bloke with no arms or legs floating in the sea?
An arm told a joke to the other arm
The other arm found it very humerus
Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and left leg in an accident?
Why did Sally fall off the swing. She had no arms. Knock knock who's there
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