I just realized that my calculator is missing the minus button.
But on the plus side, it still works.
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︎ Apr 08 2021
What is a beehive that doesn't have an exit?
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︎ Apr 11 2021
What is the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster that just got a boob job?
One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean
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︎ Apr 19 2021
So apparently when you die, the last part of your body that stops working is your pupils..
Itβs because they di-late
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︎ Apr 04 2021
That costume is too small to be a harp!
Are you calling me a lyre?
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︎ Apr 14 2021
Everyone knows that Switzerland's flag is a big plus.
But damn.
Japan's flag is spot on.
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︎ Apr 12 2021
If the stork is the burd that brings babies, what is the bird that prevents babies ?
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︎ Mar 30 2021
And children that is how Watt was invented
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︎ Mar 16 2021
The wife and I were at the marriage counselor. "Your wife says you never buy her flowers. Is that true?" The marriage counselor asked glaring at me.
I look at my wife frustratingly and shout "You never even told me you sold flowers!?"
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︎ Feb 09 2021
Boxers donβt have sex before a fight. Do you know why that is?
They don't fancy each other.
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︎ Apr 08 2021
Did you know that Olive branch is a symbol of peace. People were using olive branch during the history to declare truce by giving it to their enemies
If you are wondering how I know this, it's because olive random trivia
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︎ Apr 05 2021
LPT: If you are trying to stay in a hotel thatβs completely booked, just tell the receptionist that your name is βimprovementβ.
Because thereβs always room for improvement.
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︎ Feb 27 2021
This pun is so painful maybe that's why it's on a window pane
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︎ Mar 19 2021
We all know that 6 is scared of 7 because 7 8 9 but why did 7 eat 9?
Because you need 3 squared meals per day
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︎ Apr 06 2021
I'm worried that the supreme court will lack empathy now that Ginsburg is gone.
Without her they're ruthless.
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︎ Oct 30 2020
Yes that is my face
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︎ Mar 26 2021
The great thing about 'reddit' is that it tells you when you've finished reading it
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︎ Mar 29 2021
Me: Son, that Scarecrow over there is the best you can get. Son: How do you know that?
Me: Because heβs out standing in his field.
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︎ Apr 16 2021
Which is the bird that can do the things that you can do, as well?
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︎ Apr 10 2021
I have a friend who is convinced that you can find water on the moon.
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︎ Apr 19 2021
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
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︎ Mar 21 2021
It is so hot in my city that I decided to meet my ex
She gave me a cold shoulder.
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︎ Mar 28 2021
Let's not talk about operation barbarossa. That topic is very offensive
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︎ Mar 25 2021
Did you know that Diarrhea is hereditary?
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︎ Feb 13 2021
What Do You Call Award-Winning Hummus That is Past its Expiration Date?
π︎ 6
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︎ Apr 14 2021
Have you heard the news that Liberty University is suing the founderβs son and former university president?
That Jerry doesnβt Fall Well.
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︎ Apr 18 2021
Some people think that adding the letter "s" to inane is normal.
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︎ Apr 16 2021
I'm a border collie. My master says that my main purpose is to gather sheep for him.
That's what I herd, anyway.
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︎ Apr 04 2021
What's the dog breed that is addicted to internet?
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︎ Apr 12 2021
How does a military dad alert his son that a hot lady is nearby?
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︎ Jan 02 2021
To understand this pun you need to know that the book in the first photo is called Apolodor
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︎ Feb 26 2021
I have created living numbers! In fact, one of them is psychic and told me that certain things will continue to happen for a long time.
At least for the four-seeable future.
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︎ Mar 10 2021
My friend Earl has a wife that is a bit obsessive about finding the total number of things in her everyday life...
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︎ Apr 14 2021
What do you call the act of rummaging around in a purse by a warthog that is good at talking to women?
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︎ Apr 16 2021
It is rumored that the worst secretaries have typo blood.
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︎ Feb 20 2021
What do you call a flamingo that is standing still?
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︎ Apr 13 2021
Why is that fighter smiling?
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︎ Mar 13 2021
I can prove that a person is the opposite of a box
If you are paid to drive a person in your car, you're in the livery business.
If you are paid to drive a box in your car, you're in the delivery business.
Q.E.D.
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︎ Mar 25 2021
I'm going to tell my kids that farting is called...
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︎ Apr 05 2021
What do you call a rabbit that is closer to the sunrise than you?
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︎ Apr 02 2021
Wow! A ship that is 269 meters long in 1911?
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︎ Mar 06 2021
It is that level of cringe when you have to laugh
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︎ Mar 01 2021
Ok this needs a bit of context: η« is a Chinese word that is read as 'mao'
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︎ Jan 31 2021
My wife claims that a man in camouflage is really sexy.
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︎ Mar 17 2021
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
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︎ Mar 09 2021
I borrowed materials from my friend years ago who is a chain link enthusiast. During a heated conversation, I exclaimed that wood is superior...
I didn't expect it but he took a fence.
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︎ Feb 26 2021
My neighbor is a farmer and asked for name suggestions for her new born calf that start with the letter J.
π︎ 5
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︎ Apr 01 2021
Did you know that diarrhea is hereditary?
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︎ Jan 31 2021
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