My wife was fighting me about doing our kitchen in granite or laminate. She finally told me that we just can’t afford granite right now.
I have to admit... it was a pretty good counter argument.
How do you find the right book in a library that was caught in a flood?
Using the mildewey decimal system!
What do you call pants that you don't wear right now?
I just told my dad that things were tense between me and my BFF right now.
He responded with "Wow. Things are so tents it yurts."
A kitchen sink that treats you right?
When i heared that they removed Trump from the white house after realizing he probably wasn't the right man for the job..
..all i could do was shake my head and mumble... "Unpresidented"
we all know that song, right?
But that’s not important right now
Walked right into that one.
I had an idea at work to make headphones that have two right sides
They said it would be all right
With all that's going on, I told my dad that finishing my degree in astrophysics may not be the kind of science the world needs right now.
He looked away from the TV long enough to say, "Black holes matter."
Sigh... "Yeah, Dad. They are."
At one point, I had so much acne on my face, that a blind person mistook my right cheek for braille.
I was so embarrassed. Boy, was my face read
I always yield to vehicles that look like they could crush my car. They have the right of weigh.
Freezer, built to do one thing, can’t even do that right!
FREEZER BUUUUURRRRRNNNN!!!
Son: Hey Dad, why do you have your ear right up to that computer?
Dad: I’m listening to A Dell
That's some sharp wit right there.
My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
There are so many businesses that deliver right now
but I'd really prefer to keep my liver.
My friend bet me a subway sandwich that I couldn't walk on a tightrope without falling. He was right.
The market right now reminds me of that N'SYNC song
Dad, is that a buffalo running right towards us?
Thats the truth right there
Dad, is it true that two wrongs make a right?
T-Rex was upset that nobody would swipe right
Dating is tough for online predators
The actor who played Bilbo is really upset that a supermarket opened up right next to his house.
Unexpected item in the Baggins area.
I have observed that people who always turn right are invariably on time.
The Sonic the hedgehog trailer has dropped right on the eve of Ramadan, this is a subtle nod to the fact that Sonic's gotta go fast
Every time I draw a pun I think "Thats it, the dumbest one, yet." I'm always right.
I saw a sign in the store that said "pants up to 50% off" so I ran right in and everyone had their pants on.
I told my boss that I needed a raise, because there’s 3 other companies after me right now.
The electric, gas, and water company.
That’s some colorful shit right there
What can you hold in your left hand that you can't hold in your right hand?
That’s right. Good day malady
Girlfriend accepts that I'm always right and we were talking about future kids
Me: "I dunno how I'll feel about it"
Her: "Whatcha mean?"
Me: "I'm not sure how I'll feel about kids who will only be half right"
Her: "..."
Me: "But it's okay I guess because they'll be half left too"
Her: "Oh my goodness"
It's so hot here in Australia right now that I have taken to leaving the toilet seat up...
... just to get those chilling, icy stares from my wife.
That time I beat my dad at his own game. In the middle of a heated lecture about not joining my friends' shenanigans, dad said, "Two wrongs don't make a right."
"Two Wrights do make an airplane."
"I'm proud of you. You're still grounded though."
My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
My wife is really mad at the fact that i have no sense of direction...So I packed up my stuff and right.
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