A list of puns related to "Thankful Food"
They made olive oil spread.
Because it's see-food!
my 11 year old daughter ran in here while cooking greens and dropped that knowledge on us. I couldn't be more proud lol.
edit: just wanted to let those of you who have is awards that I appreciate it! I told my daughter about them and she asked if she can keep telling jokes for me to put on here lol. should get fairly interesting.
thanks all. I hope you had a great turkey gobble day
Back in the before times, when sit-down restaurants existed, I used to order boneless cheese sticks and would just throw the word "boneless" in front of any appetizer with 100% corniness. The purpose of this isn't to make a good joke. It's not a good joke. The purpose is to make my dining companions catch some cringe splash damage and want to crawl into a hole and die out of embarrassment for my being horribly corny.
But there is a real, deeper purpose that I've discovered entirely by accident. People, especially young people, are so self-conscious and worried about saying or doing something embarrassing that it taints a lot of social gatherings. They go to a restaurant and are afraid to speak up even when their order is blatantly wrong. They'll tip well even when the food took an hour to arrive and the server has disappeared into the corn stalks behind a baseball field. It takes 2 hours of hanging out together before some friends finally stop nitpicking themselves, uncomfortable in their own bodies and brains, feeling perpetually judged, and begin to relax. These are the kinds of people who go to sleep every night replaying cringey moments from high school. Their last thought of the day is when the Burger King girl said, "Enjoy your meal!" and they said, "Thanks, you too."
It takes 2 hours and/or a lot of booze before they're comfortable enough to take conversational risks and truly reveal themselves. But if I come right out of the gate with a really dumb joke, then we can cut to the chase. There's less danger because someone in the group already shot themselves in the foot, right off the bat. They pulled a pin on the cringe grenade and then jumped on it.
You cringe at my dumb joke and then we're over the hump. Someone has already done something pretty stupid, so go ahead and order the hubcap of nachos and a massive chocolate shake because nobody is going to judge you poorly while they're all judging me.
In terms of price negotiations (haggling), there is a psychological concept called "anchoring". You throw out the first number and all subsequent numbers are compared to that number. This is the same idea. We've already set the humor standard pretty low at "boneless cheese sticks", so you can say the dumbest shit you want and, as long as it's not worse than my cheesy joke, it won't matter.
This is why, when you were a teenager and your dad took you and some friends out, your dad made corny jokes. He knew they were corny jokes. You and your friends un
... keep reading on reddit ➡A satellite dish
Rowan Atkinson is travelling through mexico , decides to have lunch at a local restaurant. He orders a burrito . when full Rowan still has a little bit of food left on his plate , he takes his plate up to the waitress and says "that is the nicest burrito I've ever had, thank you" The waitress points at Tthe left over food and says " but you missed a bean"
When she arrived at the zoo she went to see her manager and asked what she should do, the manager told her to first go feed the sharks, so she went off to feed them. Whilst she was shovelling the food into the pool a shark jumped out of the water and tried to bite her, as a reflex she hit the shark with the spade and the shark died. Worried about losing her job this soon the woman started brainstorming what to do, eventually she decided to feed the dead shark to the lions thereby removing all evidence and so that is what she did. Shaken but glad she had avoided detection the women went back to see her manager and asked if there was anything else that needed doing, she was told to go and clean out the monkey cage.. So off the woman went with a wheelbarrow and shovel to clean out the cage, as she was shovelling the poop into the barrow a monkey jumped down from the tree towards her! As a reflex reaction the women smashed the monkey with the spade and it lay dead. Thankfully she knew just what to do and so she threw the monkey into the lion cage. Shaken and ready to go home by now, the women went to see if there were any final jobs that needed doing: she was tasked with collecting the honey from the bees. So she got changed into her protective gear however she forgot to tuck in the back of her shirt so when it came to doing the bees, one particularly large bee came and stung her right on the behind! The woman screamed and started whacking the bees until many lay dead. By now she didn’t even have to think.. she collected the dead bees and threw them in the lion cage before going home for a quiet evening.
The next day there was a new lion in the lion cage. The new lion said to the other lions “so what’s the food like here??” The other lions responded...
“Actually it’s quite good. Yesterday we had FISH, CHIMPS and MUSHY BEES!”
"Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit juice and coffee?"
He declines. "Thanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now. It must be the Viagra," he says. "It's really taken the edge off my appetite.
At lunchtime, she asks him if he'd like something. "How about a bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?"
He declines. "The Viagra," he says, "really trashes my desire for food.
Come dinner time, she asks if he wants anything to eat. "Would you like a juicy rib eye steak and some scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?"
He declines again. "No," he says, "it's got to be the Viagra. I'm still not hungry."
"Well," she says: ""Can you now stop and get off me? I'm bloody starving!!".
Hey all! I'm writing a play for my third grade class all about healthy habits and it's full of TV parodies. One show is Game of Thrones. For example, one character is Jon Snowpea. Can you guys help me come up with some food or exercise puns for the full title of Danaerys: Daenerys of the House Targaryen, the First of Her Name, The Unburnt, Queen of the Andals, the Rhoynar and the First Men, Queen of Meereen, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Protector of the Realm, Lady Regent of the Seven Kingdoms, Breaker of Chains and Mother of Dragons”. Thanks!!
A doctor sees the man choking and springs into action. He runs across the restaurant, pulls the man out of his chair, pulls the man's pants down, and licks his butt. The man coughs hard, and the food is dislodged from his throat.
Grateful, he turns to doctor and says, "Thank God you knew the Hind Lick Maneuver!"
He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them.
As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking over and whispering.
Obviously, they were thinking, "That poor old couple...all they can afford is one meal for the two of them."
As the man began to eat his fries, a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple.
The old man said, they were just fine, they were used to sharing everything.
People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite.
She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.
Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them.
This time the old woman said, "No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything."
Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked, "What is it you are waiting for?"
She answered, "THE TEETH!"
...Thank you for visiting the two-wheeled, self-balancing personal transporter museum today; I hope you had a good time. Speaking of good times, check out the food court and gift shop before you leave.
Me: That's a Segway
when he saw two pathetic-looking men by the side of the road, eating grass. He ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate. He asked the men, "Why are you eating grass?"
"We don't have no money for food," the first man replied.
"Then you must come with me to my house," insisted the lawyer.
"But, sir, I got a wife and three kids here," said the man.
"Bring them along!" replied the lawyer.
The second man exclaimed, "I got a wife and six kids!"
"Bring them as well!", the lawyer proclaimed as he headed back to his limo.
They all climbed into the car, and once underway, one of the men expresses, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The lawyer replied, "I'm most happy to do it. You'll love my place. The grass is almost a foot tall."
Dad: There’s food in the kitchen. I’ll make something later. Me: Thanks, Dad. Dad: No problem, hungry.
So, I don't if this is the appropriate place for this, but I need a boat-load of cow puns for a D&D campaign. Any all and jokes are both welcomed and needed.
They can be as subtle or as obvious or as cringey as you'd like.
Examples:
A slingshot built from straps set up between the pair of Minotaur horns. A Bullista, if you will.
A character named Timothy Jacobs (Timoothy Jacowbs)
There is a ritual among Minotaur where they fight over the best food served. This is called a Cudstody battle.
Thank you for your help!
I saw a white, fluffy thing swinging through my local cake shop. Suspect it was a meringue-utang.
I was out driving the other day and I spotted two packets of cheese & onion crisps walking down the road. I said, “Do you want a lift”. “No thanks”, they replied, “We’re Walkers”.
I was in a cake shop the other day, they were all £5 apart from one that was £10. I asked why it was so expensive, the shop owner said “that’s maderia cake”.
Bought some cream, it said “store in a cool place”. So I left it in the Doctor Who studios.
Local ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
I used to love doughnuts, but I got bored of the whole thing.
A man says “I keep finding custard in one ear, and jelly in the other”. The doctor says “I’m afraid you are a trifle deaf”.
I bought a waffle iron the other day. Get really annoyed with wrinkled waffles.
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden
What do they call a man who abandoned his diet? DESSERTER.
Ice cream is exquisite… –what a pity it isn’t illegal.
The optimist sees the doughnut, the pessimist sees the hole, and the realist sees the calories.
Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple? Because it tasted better than Adam’s banana.
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom!
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it’s been sliced.
What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
A birthday greeting: For someone special as you, only ANGELFOOD would do. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Did you hear there are two suspects in Two Ton Charley’s death? BEN and JERRY.
Don’t eat too much fudge, or else you will have so much pudge you won’t be able to budge.
You know you’re a mom if… Popsicles have become a staple food.
Mexican candy makes my taste buds say “OLE!”
FORGET LOVE… I’
... keep reading on reddit ➡I'm a college kid that works fast food part time to pay the bills. However, I managed to get two of my friends jobs there aswell, and our manager is pretty cool. So we have good times there and it's never quiet.
Anyway, I was bagging up an order, and my manager thought it would be funny to follow me and tell me exactly how to do everything; open the bag, put the box in the bag, receipt in the bag, blah blah blah and so on. Once I had handed out the order, she was like,
"Alright job, thanks to me".
I responded,
"Oh yeah you were great. They should promote you to micromanager."
Got a good laugh out of everybody, and it will be on my life's highlight reel if I have anything to say about it
Why couldn’t the witch have children? Her husband had a hallow weenie.
Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man!
Friend: What are you gonna be for halloween? Me: Drunk!
For Halloween I’m going to write “Life” on a plain white T-shirt and hand out lemons to strangers
This Halloween, the only Candy I’m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
“Halloween” = an excuse for girls to dress up like sluts.
Thank goodness for Halloween, all of a sudden, cobwebs in my house are decorations!
I’ll be your trick if you’ll be my treat.
How do Rednecks celebrate Halloween? Pump kin!
When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims? On Fry Day
What’s a monsters favorite desert? I-Scream!
What do you call a Halloween boner? Petrified wood
What do you call a dancing ghost? Polka-haunt-us
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow-weenie!”
Did you hear about the wild party at the haunted house? The whole vibe was anything ghost (goes).
How do you write a book about halloween? With a ghostwriter.
I’m going to celebrate Halloween the same way I always do… by murdering a bunch of teens by the lake. Sincerely,
Two monsters went to a Halloween party. Suddenly one said to the other, “A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?” The other monster replied, “Be a gentleman and roll them back to her.
The lesson of Halloween is that pretending to be something you’re not will lead to a sweet reward.
I remember when Halloween was the scariest night of the year. Now, it’s Election night.
I want to be something really scary for Halloween this year so I’m dressing up as a phone battery at 2%.
Why dident the skeleten go to the halloween party? Becuse he had no body to go with.
What did the bird say on Halloween? Trick or tweet!
What do Italian’s eat on Halloween? Fettucinni Afraid-o (Ha ha ha)
Why can’t the boy ghost have babies? A. Because he has a Hallo-weenie.
What do goblins and ghosts drink when they’re hot and thirsty on Halloween? A. Ghoul-aid!!!
What do ghosts eat for supper? Spooketi
What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house? Hope it’s Halloween!!
What is the most important subject a witch learns in school? Spelling.
So I was working in the soup and sandwich area of the food chain I work for. A man comes up and asks what soups we have today, which is a common occurrence.
Me: We have chicken noodle, cream of broccoli and...that's it.
Him: oh, I'll have that's it.
It took a minute to realized I just got hit with a dad joke and cracked up. When I hand him his food I made sure to tell him "Here is your that's it" we were both grinning ear to ear from it.
He basically made my night do a 180° with that joke. Thanks random dad for making my night!
My girlfriend and I are starting our food truck next year and we have been trying to come up with a great name for the truck. We are looking to make it a Pun hence the hopeful help of the Sub-Reddit. We will be serving chicken wings with a bunch of different sauce recipes and all we've really come up with so far is 'Lord of the Wings' but I was wondering if the creative minds of the internet could think of something better.
I'm not sure if I'm breaking any rules here or not, I just thought what better place to find the answer than here? Thanks!
I was out with some friends, we were grabbing some food at a local coffee shop. Their prices were fucking sweet, like three bucks for a sandwich. Anyway, I placed by order:
The cashier nods and says, "Thank you, that'll be $8.10"
I replied, "It's about to be ea-ten"
I'm pretty sure they spit in my food...
A church is cleaning up after a service, and they hear a noise in the back. They go to investigate, and they find a bear.
"Have no fear, I will not harm you."
"How can we tell?"
"I was just here to say a prayer."
"Go on."
"Dear lord, thank you for this food."
Going through Chick-Fil-A drive through-
Young Drive Through Lady: (Hands us a whole bunch of food)
Dad: Thanks
Young Drive Through Lady: Would you like some sacks? (Since there was a lot of food and for some reason she didn't put any of it in a bag)
Dad: Yes sex would be fine. (Staring at drive through lady)
Drive Through Lady: Sorry sir we don't sell that here. (Smiles and hands sack)
Dad: (Drives off laughing)
Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.
Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":
Went and got some food yesterday and happened to have a coupon for a free extra value meal, but the cashier needed a manager's code. It took like 3 or 4 minutes for her to come up. After she typed in the code she apologized, explaining that she was in the walk-in freezer.
As she walked away I raised my voice loud enough so she could hear me and said, "Thanks for doing that, you seem really cool."
She actually turned around and gave me a little scowly smile like, "that's not funny wait why am I smiling."
Working as a waiter, I have a couple of wonderful/awful/wonderfully awful jokes when customers place an order. For example...
"Can I please have the rabbit pasta?"
"Oh I'm not sure I'd recommend that, there have been numerous complaints about a hare in their food."
And for the steaks...
"How would you like that cooked?"
"Well done."
"Thanks, but I'm just doing my job."
I either get laughs, confused looks or groans; most of the time I get a combination of the three. But since I'm childless (19 seems a tad young) I have to get my dad jokes out somehow.
Having Irish grandparents, my grandmother is obsessed with making sure everyone has plenty of food on their plate. As soon as we are done with dinner, the conversation normally goes like this.
Grandma: Was that alright?
Dad: Yeah, it was.
Grandma: would you like some desert?
Dad: Do you have any?
Grandma: I do!
Dad: No thanks.
Gets me every time.
I work at a zoo on weekends. We were feeding the King Vultures their meat diets today.
The female almost always gets her meat stolen by the male, so we have to keep the male away while she eats the meat off the exhibit floor.
The other keeper wondered aloud why the male would want her food when he has the same thing waiting on his perch. I said "He must prefer ground beef."
Thank you.
At a function after graduation and the servers were bring around food. Server "would you like a Danish?" "no thank you, but I'll have a swede if they're going" - dad Poor girl didn't miss a beat. "sorry we're out of swedes at the moment"
Today we were discussing using a fork and knife to eat food that usually don't require it.
Me: I have to have a fork and knife. I can't eat a chili dog using just my hands
Dad: me neither. I usually have to eat it with my mouth
Thanks dad.
I work at a tearoom and we do some hot food, one of my coworkers cam with a simple order and I used a simple dadjoke
Co-worker: Bacon Sandwich, Well done.
Me: Thanks but I haven't even started yet.
We ordered for our food and we asked for extra plates for our two kids. The waitress leaves and comes back with four little plates and sets them down on the table. In the most enthusiastic voice, my husband gives a thumbs up and says "Thanks! These look delicious!"
Just after taking our seats, as we're passing around the food, my dad would ask his dad "Want a roll?"
Grandpa's reply: "No, thank you. I just sat down!"
Every year :)
My coworker offered me their sandwich because I forgot my food and they had already eaten.
A friend dropped off a snack, but it wasn't enough to hold me over through my shift. The sandwich coworker was going home and handed me his sandwich before he left saying, "you better eat this whole thing."
So, I ate it during that shift. I walked in and saw him the next day. He asked, "did you eat that sandwich from yesterday?" I said "Yeah thanks" he said "Good, because you didn't have a choice, i would've been pissed if you wasted it" to which i responded, "Yeah it turned into a duty"
So my family goes out to dinner at a restaurant. My dad orders the rockfish and after the food gets to the table my grandpa says, "Hows the rockfish? Is it one big boulder or a bunch of little stones?" He then receives a bunch of sighs from my family and thanked my younger sister for actually laughing.
Whenever we're going somewhere that requires a substantial amount of driving time (at least two hours) my family stops at a McDonalds or something for food. My dad will always order a coffee and be a little unclear about his order so the server will have to ask if he wants sugar in his coffee to which he will reply "no thanks, I'm sweet enough".
Whenever me and my siblings would go to McDonald's or something with my mom.
"Drive-thru person: Here's your food, do you need anything else?
Mom: No thanks, I think we're fine!
Drive-thru person: Would you like a cupholder?
Mom: No thanks, I brought my brought my own! nods her head in our direction"
Followed by the groans of her 4 embarrassed children in the back seat.
I was cleaning out the fridge at work and noticed some of the tuper ware had dates on them. Me "hey you, thanks for dating your food" Them "ayy no problem" Me "when are you guys getting married??"
My sister is getting her wisdom teeth out today, and so last night I was trying to encourage her to not worry. As anyone else who has gotten wisdom teeth out likely knows, it's tough to eat solid food for a few days, so to make her feel better:
Me: Look on the bright side! You get to lose a few pounds!
Her: You're right! These teeth weigh 2 or 3 pounds each!
Thanks Jackie.
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