Need help with a good pun using cats, coffee or mugs, and saying thank you for joining us as!

Wedding party favors are cat mugs

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👤︎ u/NateTrib
📅︎ May 05 2016
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A woman asks her husband in the morning regarding breakfast.......

"Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit juice and coffee?"

He declines. "Thanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now. It must be the Viagra," he says. "It's really taken the edge off my appetite.

At lunchtime, she asks him if he'd like something. "How about a bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?"

He declines. "The Viagra," he says, "really trashes my desire for food.

Come dinner time, she asks if he wants anything to eat. "Would you like a juicy rib eye steak and some scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?"

He declines again. "No," he says, "it's got to be the Viagra. I'm still not hungry."

"Well," she says: ""Can you now stop and get off me? I'm bloody starving!!".

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📅︎ Jul 18 2020
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Dadjoked a cashier

I was out with some friends, we were grabbing some food at a local coffee shop. Their prices were fucking sweet, like three bucks for a sandwich. Anyway, I placed by order:

-$4.50 for a grilled cheese (heavenly)

-$3.00 for a small shake

-$0.60 tax

The cashier nods and says, "Thank you, that'll be $8.10"

I replied, "It's about to be ea-ten"

I'm pretty sure they spit in my food...

👍︎ 54
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📅︎ May 16 2014
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Every time we eat out with my dad

After we're done eating, as the waiter/ress came over

Waiter : "Would you like anything else? Coffee, desserts?"

Dad : "No, thanks"

Waiter then brings the bill

Dad : "What are you doing? I said I didn't want anything else"

Cue my dad's laughter (obviously, only him)

:EDIT: My english sucks

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👤︎ u/lumino6
📅︎ Jan 08 2014
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Thanks!

This is just a thank you for a well timed joke. Read the one the other day about tiramisu and laughed. I never thought I'd be able to use it as we never have it in the house. Then, at the end of the day, the wife comes into the house with a large tiramisu cake. I saw the opportunity and I took it. She laughed for several minutes straight. I had to eat a piece even though I'm not a big fan of coffee so she won in the end.

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👤︎ u/Dokpsy
📅︎ Dec 28 2014
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Coffee shop with dad

me: I think ill have an iced coffee

Dad: well you wouldn't want a MEAN coffee would you?

-_▪ thanks dad.

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📅︎ Oct 12 2013
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