Ten Stories Puns

A guy sees a sign in front of a house:

"Talking Dog for Sale."

He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the mutt replies.

"So, what's your story?"

The mutt looks up and says, "Well, I discovered my gift of talking pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

The owner says, "Ten dollars."

The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him, so cheap?"

The owner replies, "'Cause he's fucking liar. He didn't do any of that shit."

I notice the woman is hysterical and the rabbit, well let's just say he's had better days.
I think to myself "Can I render first aid ? "
Then it hits me, I can fix this.
I go to the boot of my car and grab a can of spray. So I spray this onto the rabbit and sure as shit he jumps up and hops away.

As he is hopping away every ten steps he stops looks backs and waves at us !
He repeats this until he eventually was out of sight.

The women then asks me "what was that can of spray you used?"

I look and it is hair restorer with a permanent wave.

I wish to add no Rabbits were harmed in the telling of this story

... It was over ten stories tall.

He walks up to the teller. Her nametag says "Patricia Wak". He says, "Hey there, Patty, I'd like a loan." She replies, "Okay, for how much?"

"Ten dollars."

"I'm sorry, but I can't authorize that."

"Really? Well, what if I give you this?"

He hands her a clam with a top hat and googly eyes.

"Um... What is this?"

"Alright, alright. What if I told you my dad was Mick Jagger?"

"I can't give you a 10 dollar loan, it's simply against policy."

"Alright, I'll tell you what. Go talk to your manager, and bring the clam with you. He'll let you give me a loan."

Patricia walks into the back office and tells the manager the story. He immediately says "Alright, give him the loan."

"I'm sorry, but why this time?"

"Well (picking up the clam), it's mainly because of this, and also because of his dad."

"What is it exactly?"

"It's a knick knack, Patty Wak, give the frog a loan! His old man's a rolling stone!"

My dad's favourite.

First off, I'm new here. I've only been a dad for a few years but, I'm not sure i'll ever be able to top this and the circumstances of the set up were so chance and specific, I will never be able to use this again. This is what inspired me to seek you out and tell my story.

So, like most thanksgivings, we went to a relatives house and had very large but unusually early dinner. We went home and by nine or ten o'clock we had the little one off to sleep and my wife and I were getting hungry and wanted something simple. She asked for fast food and I was willing to oblige.

I drove to Taco Bell and it was closed. I called my wife, "sorry Taco Bell is closed. What do you want from BK?". I then drove to BK and discovered it was also closed. Called the wife "Sorry honey, BK is closed. What do you want from McDonald's?". You might see were this is going and, if you haven't already guessed it, Micky D's was closed too."Ok, I'm just going to the gas station. What do you want?" She asked for cheddar fries and I was willing to oblige. Got in side, no cheddar fries! I grab her funyuns. She like funyuns, it will be fine. As a joke (not the one we are leading up to) I called her on my way home and told her the gas station was closed too.

I got home, told her the truth about the gas station and gave her the back up back up back up back up back up plan bag of funyuns. She joked around about the number of times I had failed her in one outing (keep in mind, I had been giving her a hard time through this whole event) and then asked me for a soda from the fridge. So is This when the magic happened. I was opening the fridge when the gravity of the situation and what was at stake here suddenly struck me. I closed the fridge, got out a glass and filled it with water. I brought it back to her in the living room. She says "why did you bring me water?"

THE FRIDGE WAS CLOSED!

The post (blacked out my college's name for the sake of secrecy)

The story: Night before college graduation = wayyyyy too much champagne. And let's just say that the hedges were in as bad of a shape as I was the next day.

Felt nostalgic and shared the photo on FB. He's probably been planning this joke for the last ten months.