Team Meeting Puns

It was a stand up.

We have a 10 minute safety/health segment before each meeting, and one of the suggestions in the presentation was to reduce alcohol intake.

My boss, about a colleague who loves his drink but recently had liver issues -

"Yeah, Dave doesn't drink anymore...he just doesn't drink any less." WINK

Hi all, I'm part of a team at work that meets weekly to review the apps in our organization and we would love a funny or pun-related title for our team, preferably with the word "app" in the title. Right now it's the APProval committee, but I think we can do better. A Feather in One's App is our next choice. What are some good titles?

Wednesday (14th) is the Ides of March. As in "beware the Ides of March" when Julius Caesar was stabbed by his rivals. "Et tu Brute" and all that.

I have a team meeting that day and the manager will be biting his tongue not to add a pun or two. (Good friendly team. It will go down well.) So I'm trying to think of a couple of low key phrases I could mention to hint at the day, or setting him up so he can't help it.

Any suggestions?

I have a few starting thoughts but don't want to poison the well of creativity by sharing first.

Edit. I wrote puns and then posted. I should simply have said jokes.

This is a compilation from the internet, and a few I made or heard myself. Hope you laugh!

^((Elephant Jokes were a thing from the 1960s. You can read about them on Wikipedia.))

^((Each section should be read all at once, in order. Some sections also reference previous sections. ))

Mouse

Q: Why did the elephant run from the mouse?

A: Because it had a bazooka.

Q: Why did the mouse chase the elephant?

A: To steal the bazooka.

Toenails

Q: Why did the elephant paint its toenails red?

A: So it could hide in a cherry tree.

Q: Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?

A: Works, doesn't it?

Q: How can you tell if an elephant is hiding in a cherry tree?

A: Tickle the cherries and see if they laugh.

Q: What's the loudest sound in the jungle?

A: A giraffe eating cherries.

Q: How can you tell if there have been elephants in your fridge?

A: There are footprints in the custard.

Q: Why do elephants paint their toenails yellow?

A: That's not paint, it's custard.

Q: Why do elephants paint their toenails red, blue, green, orange, yellow, and brown?

A: So they can hide in a bag of M&Ms.

Q: How did the mouse break his back?

A: He tried to carry a bag of M&Ms home from the store.

Oak Trees

Q: How do you get an elephant on top of an oak tree?

A: Stand him on an acorn and wait fifty years.

Q: What if you don't want to wait fifty years?

A: Parachute him from an airplane.

Q: Why isn't it safe to climb oak trees between 1 and 2 in the afternoon?

A: Because that is when the elephants practice their parachute jumping.

Q: Why did the elephant fall out of the oak tree?

A: Because it was dead.

Q: Why did the second elephant fall out of the oak tree?

A: It was glued to the first one.

Q: Why did the third elephant fall out of the oak tree?

A: It thought it was a game.

Q: And why did the oak tree fall down?

A: It thought it was an elephant.

Q: Why is it dangerous to walk in the forest between 3 and 4 in the afternoon?

A: That's when the elephants fall out of the oak trees.

Q: What is a furry alligator?

A: A bear that crossed the woods at 3:30 in the afternoon.

Under the Bed

Q: How can you tell if there’s an elephant under your bed?

A: Your nose is touching the ceiling.

Q: How can you tell if there's an elephant in your bed?

A: He has a big 'E' on hi

Alas, I'm not a very good poet.

In fact, my manager told me he's never seen such a wretched scribe of scrum and villanelle.

Hey everyone, not a dad yet, but Im getting ready for when the moment comes.

Earlier today we had a team meeting and one of my colleagues was telling us about her experience going to Pompeii the previous week, so I saw an opportunity and took it.

Me: While you were up there, did you close your eyes?

Her (visible confusion): N..no, why?

Me: Because, apparently, when you close your eyes it almost feels nothing changed at all.

Whole room: silent

10 seconds later: groans and laughter.

Felt amazing.

On Teams Chat Boss: “When should we meet tomorrow?” Me: “Morning works best for me” Boss: “10-4” Me: “I don’t think it needs to be 6 hours”

I'm sitting in a conference room with a couple of team members. When people for the next meeting start milling about outside the conference room, some people get antsy and start peering into the room through the window when it's almost time to vacate the conference room.

I just joked that it's a new form of peer pressure!

She was telling me about how they worked and stuff and then says,

"Everyone has to wear their meet suits to the competitions."

So I respond, "I bet there was a lot of beef between you and the other team!"

...She groaned and said she didn't want to talk to me for the rest of the car ride.

So I work at a fertilizer plant and we have a weekly team meeting. This one maintenance guy brings in a bearing that failed the week before to show it to us.

My supervisor: "Ahh I see you've come with gifts."

Me: "No, he's come bearing gifts."

Room was filled with laughter and groans.

A coworker of mine is telecommuting today because his daughter has the flue. We have an hour long team meeting today and I figured it'd be a pain for him to call in and sit and listen to a meeting that long while dealing with a sick kid so I let him know he didn't have to dial in but I told him he could if he wanted. Then comes this:

Him: My daughter is asleep at the moment, but I hear her stirring, so I'll probably duck it.

Me: What's she doing cooking if she's that sick?

This just happened. We have a daily meeting in the morning where we discuss what we did the day before, what we're doing today and if we're having any issues. When the meeting was wrapping up, we started talking about what we're doing for team lunch this afternoon. We started talking about Indian food and how there is one over by a deli. So I ask "Is it a New Delhi?"