Tantalus Media Puns

With match select and the tourney proper on the horizon, we have our first (of hopefully many!) exhibition matches! These have no stakes so the loser won’t be eliminated, but otherwise this is a full tournament match experience, with strats, voting, delibs, and a write up!

Scenario: Piraeus, Athens, Greece — 4:16 AM

The shipyard of Piraeus was almost calm at night, a shocking contrast to the sheer bustle there had been throughout the day. One or two ships still docked, flanked by a few souls slinking around the decks and fiddling with containers, but it was a quiet affair, little noise or artificial light cutting through the fog blanketing the harbor. The fog hung softly and gently over the shipyard that night, almost as though the overcast sky were reminding anyone still there at such an hour of one thing:

They should really be asleep.

The Zverska Izložba operative codenamed “Stuhać” was among those few souls walking the docks during that ungodly hour. Elliot silently cursed Frederick, more out of principle than anything else. It was an easy assignment, and odds were good he’d be out for a walk this time of night anyway. The only reason he was stalking a shipyard in Greece instead of the streets of Belgrade was that the higher-ups at the Millennium Collection had reported a series of cargo thefts from their ships in the area. They’d saddled “Juno” with figuring it out, who had in turn passed the job down to Frederick, who’d turned it over to Elliot.

Officially, Frederick had said it was because Elliot was the least conspicuous and volatile of their available operatives, which was largely true by comparison to DG, Marione, and Marissa. More likely, Elliot thought, Frederick just wanted him out of his hands for a little while. Whatever. A job was a job, and he’d get it done with no outward complaints, and hopefully no… ‘incidents’. The ice he walked on was thin enough as it was.

He’d tailed some shady characters here, and his patience had paid off. He knew a real vagrant from someone moving with purpose, and these individuals were planning a raid. As he watched from the edge of the docks, Elliot saw that these raiders’ MO seemed to match the information that had filtered down to him through “Juno” and Frederick.

…with one rather jarring exception.

The ship they were sneaking onto didn’t belo

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB

Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"

I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual

So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes

r/unclejokes for dirty jokes

r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC

r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes

Punchline !

Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub

Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat

Do your worst!

How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?

Mathematical puns makes me number

Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.

But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.

We told her she can lean on us for support. Although, we are going to have to change her driver's license, her height is going down by a foot. I don't want to go too far out on a limb here but it better not be a hack job.

They were cooked in Greece.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

He lost May

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"

Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

And now I’m cannelloni

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

But that’s comparing apples to oranges

And boy are my arms legs.

Put it on my bill

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

BamBOO!

They’re on standbi

A play on words.

Calcium, nickel, neon

My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.

Pilot on me!!

Christopher Walken

Nothing, he was gladiator.

The bartender says, "Sorry, no minors”

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

Or would that be too forward thinking?

Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.