It's the principal that counts.
Cantaloupe.
....it's like a high five for your foot.
Receding hare line
"No, I'm fairly certain it was my mother."
Credit to B.C. (comic strip), most likely paraphrased since I read it many a moon ago, though I'm fairly certain the punchline is very close to the original.
And then take 3 more.
Basically, keep walking until you've lost the weight.
Apparently "Really big and fast ones" was the wrong answer.
I thought, "Wow, I've never seen a Showaddywaddy Longlegs before".
I was a little afraid of speed bumps too, but I’m slowly getting over them!
UPDATE: Thank you so much for all the upvotes and amazing responses, fellow Dad Joke lovers. You make the world a happier place! 🤩
Evidently "Really big and fast ones!" was not the correct answer.
I'm going to start taking steps to avoid them.
...they are automatically promoted to babystander.
They’re always up to something.
“Really large ones” wasn’t an acceptable answer.
Big ones.
They work on many levels
They’re always up to something
‘Large ones’ was apparently the wrong answer.
I'd take steps to avoid it, but that's sort of the problem.
They console me.
So I wake up in the morning and I step outside and I take a deep breath and I get real high and I scream from the top of my lungs ‘WHAT’S GOIN’ ON?’
Edit: so happy that one of my home-made dad-jokes is so well-received :) thanks, everyone!
I think my life is turning into a joke
Save them to your Phone and always have witty jokes at the palm of your hand.
3.14 percent of sailors are pi-rates.
5/4 of people admit they’re bad at fractions.
A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.
A brain walks into a bar and takes a seat. “I’d like some wings and a pint of beer, please,” it says. “Sorry, but I can’t serve you,” the bartender replies. “You’re out of your head.”
A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve food here.'
A college education now costs $100,000, but it produces three very proud people: the student, his mama, and his pauper.
A couple of cups of yogurt walk into a country club. “We don’t serve your kind here,” the bartender says. “Why not?” one yogurt asks. “We’re cultured.”
A friend of mine didn’t pay his exorcist. He got repossessed.
A friend of mine is known for sweeping girls off their feet. He’s an extremely aggressive janitor.
A guy walks into a bar, and there’s a horse serving drinks. The horse asks, “What are you staring at? Haven’t you ever seen a horse tending bar before?” The guy says, “It’s not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place.”
A guy walks into a bar...and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.
A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender says, “What’s with the paper towel?” The pirate says, “Arrr! I’ve got a Bounty on me head!”
A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police ask him what happened, the shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”
Armed robbers—some say they’re a drain on society, but you’ve got to give it to them.
Barbers…you have to take your hat off to them.
Can February March? No, but April May!
Cooking out this weekend? Don’t forget the pickle. It’s kind of a big dill.
Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.
Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.
Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut!
Dad: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Son: No. What happened? Dad: The teacher woke him up.
Daughter: I have a lot of friends named Nathan. There’s Nathan Miller, Nathan Radcliff, Nathan Lewis… Me: When they are together, do you call them the United Nathans?
Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.
Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!
Did you hear about the aquatic sea mammals that escape
... keep reading on reddit ➡...he would be the artist formerly known as Prince.
I call him Papa squat.
It was a tack-xing experience.
An I think it goes all the way to the top.
That's why I take steps to avoid them
Im going to take steps to avoid them.
...they are automatically promoted to babystander.
...to overcome my fear of elevators.
Fucking huge ones!
I don’t trust stairs, they are always up to something!!
I’m taking steps to avoid them
So I’m taking steps to avoid them
They’re always up to something
Apparently, "extremely large ones" wasn’t an acceptable answer...
I said BIG ONES in the opposite direction of the fire....apparently the wrong answer.
that's why I will start taking steps to avoid them
