You can tell the gender of an ant by putting it on top of water. If it sinks, it's a girl ant. If it doesn't, buoyant.
Why couldn't the magician fit his top hat on his head?
Because his hare was too big.
Bob Dylan didn't seem surprised when a boulder fell off a mountain on top of his house.
He calmly said it was just like a rolling stone.
I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him fifty bucks that he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf.
He said, "No the steaks are too high."
I came up with the top ten reasons you shouldn't pee on an electric fence...
I put on 30 jackets all on top of each other. Someone called and asked if I was coming out, I said sorry I can’t...
I couldn't make it to the top of that huge tower in France....
Last evening I walked up the hill in the park to see the planets. Stumbled over a lip in the concrete and went down pretty hard. Ripped pants and skinned hands and knees. When I got to the top I couldn't see a thing.
The view was not worth the trip.
Why can’t the number 5 perform sexually when number 1 is on top?
My friend bet me 100$ I wouldn't be able to get the prime cuts of meat from the top shelf.
I was having a bad day so I bought a bottle of vodka,gin and whisky and put them in an elevator and sent them to the top floor. Didn’t have a good reason,
Just needed something to lift my spirits
My friend doesn’t think puns are funny, so I told him my top ten to see if any could make him laugh.
Wow I was a wreck last night -- t-shirt under sweat clothes, under two cotton sheets, under a polypropylene comforter, and a quilt on top of that! I could NOT get warm!
I can't imagine how miserable I'd be if I didn't have that can of Pringles in the cupboard....
My friend didn’t get why the top of the fence was so sharp
I said to him, “That’s the point”
"What's the client's name?" "I couldn't tell you off the top of my head."
I heard Jeremy Clarkson isn't coming back to Top Gear
My friend told me about a new type of yogurt that doesn't have liquid on the top when you open it...
I wouldn't say this is the greatest but it's up there. AskReddit post top answer, link in comments.
What are the top two reasons you shouldn’t drink water from a toilet?
Number 1)...and number 2)
A string walks into a bar with a few friends and orders a beer. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve strings here." The string goes back to his table. He ties himself in a loop and messes up the top of his hair. He walks back up to the bar and orders a beer. The bartender squints at hi
I can't believe the girls at school can't wear tank tops, it totally violates the second amendment...
Don't they have a right to bare arms?
Why can't Superman ever drive to the top level of the parking garage?
Because he always stays in the Lois Lane
Kill me pls
On mobile the r/perfect loops suggestion showed a wheel of ck that rotated between o and i. It said ick ock ick ock…obviously the T was cut off from the top. But watching it with out the the T made me think of Wild Bill
I was trying to get my wife to appreciate puns as much as me. I tried everything I could come up with and she didn't even crack a smile! So I googled the top 10 puns of all time. I read every single one to her trying to get her to laugh
Matt LeBlanc won't be very good as the new Top Gear host...
because he will always be stuck in second gear!
Top ten reasons you shouldn't use your computer in the tub
I saw a worker stacking shelves at Costco complaining, because the top shelf was broken and he couldn't keep it up...
I think he had a wrecked aisle dysfunction...
Why won't I ever make a water feature on top of a hill where a lot of baby horses are buried?
My mom taught me to never make fountains out of foal hills
I don't care what anyone says, on a digital clock, the lower horizontal bit on the 8 is better than the middle or top bit...
And that's the bottom line.
Why doesn't Kim Jong Un play top-down shooter games?
He did once, but he could not reach the Nuclear Throne.
I put on 30 jackets one on top of the other, someone calls me and asks me to go out, I said I can’t ...
I couldn't make it to the top of the tower in Paris...
I bet a butcher $20 that he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf...
He said "Sorry man. The steaks are too high."
I bet my butcher he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf. He said he wasn't going to bet with me.
He told me the steaks were too high.
I bet a butcher that he couldn’t reach the meat on the top shelf
He refused, because the steaks were too high.
My kid couldn’t reach the bowl of meat on the top drawer
Because the steaks were high.
I bet my butcher he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf. He said he wasn't going to bet with me.
He told me the steaks were too high.
I can't believe girls at school can't wear tank tops, it totally violates the second amendment
Don't they have a right to bare arms?
Someone bet me £1000 that I couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf
I told them that I couldn't take the bet, the steaks were too high.
I bet my local butcher $500 that he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf.
He replied, "No way man, the steaks are too high!"
I complained at my supermarket today, I couldn't reach some meat on the top shelf.
I told then the steaks were too high.
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