I just had a new wash basin delivered to our house for our guest bathroom, but my wife decided that she hates the design so much she won't even let me bring it in off the porch. It has been sitting by our front door for a week, A ENTIRE WEEK.
People weren't happy with me for leaving the front door at work open overnight.
I walked into a chilly reception.
My wife went into labor today, so I read the front page of /r/DadJokes to her as a distraction from the pain. Unfortunately, she didn’t laugh once, was clearly not amused and I have no idea why...
It must have been the delivery...
Don't Stand in front of a running car!
You'll get Tired!
Don't stand behind them either!
You'll get exhausted!
My cell signal always drops when I work the front desk at work and I can't get calls.
At the grocery store the other day, the bagger asked the woman in front of me, "Paper or plastic?" She responded, "It makes no difference to me. You choose." The bagger explained that he isn't allowed to, and that she had to choose. This upset her quite a bit, which was confusing to me.
I thought it was common knowledge that baggers can't be choosers.
I paid off my new limousine up front, but now I can't afford to hire a driver. So much money spent.
And nothing to chauffeur it.
Wouldn't it have been amazing if John Lennon had invented that device that you put in your front door to secretly see who's on the other side.
I mean, imagine all the peepholes.
How did spiderman know it wasn't his Aunt May in front of his house?
There was an Ock at the door!
So I was driving uber tonight and I picked up a girl from the dorms at UNCW. She sat in the front and we were chatting when suddenly she sneezed.... Now. I didn't realize it while talking, but she had a glass eye, and when she sneezed her glass eye came flying out at me.
I caught it, handed it back to her and she popped it in and said thank you. I didn't know what else to say...
So, we rode in silence for the rest of the trip until we got to the bar. When we arrived at the bar, she turned and asked if she could have my number. I was flattered because she was so pretty, but I told her I was happily engaged.
She smiled at me and said, "That's a shame, you really caught my eye."
A rabbit used to come up to my front yard every day for food, but hasn’t shown up in a week.
Now it’s just some bunny I used to know.
My parents don’t talk about foreplay in front of me
They say it’s a touchy subject
Why didn't the man drink the cup of tea in front of him?
It wasn't his cup of tea.
During my trip to Madrid I was staying at this small motel when I grew pretty ill. Thankfully the people at the front desk sent the on call doctor over and he was able to fix me up real quick. I told him I didn't expect such a small place to have such a good doctor, to which he told me
Nobody expects the Spanish Inn Physician
I took my wife to a fancy restaurant where they make the food in front of you, but she wasn't very happy.
I told her next time she can pick the restaurant, if she really hated Subway that much.
I don’t always present in front of my crush, but when I do I use
I'll never fart in front of you. I don't even fart in front of myself...
Me: It's always behind me
Growing up, my brothers and I weren't allowed to sit in the front of the car
We were the back seat boys
You should shout back to people who don't know what the opposite of front is
A pirate was complaining about the ship's wheel stuck to the front of his pants. "Aye, I don't know how this wheel got here..."
"...but I tells ya this; it drives me nuts!"
I was upset in front of my geography teacher because I couldn't find a stream of water that flowed into the Sea of Azol
Girlfriend couldn't quite work out why I kept spinning in front of the oven
https://imgur.com/gallery/KLwqu
Checking in at a hotel and the front desk agent tells me they don’t have a bell hop for the night.
I told her they should get the Nobel Prize.
She just stared at me blankly for 8 seconds until she said.... “check out is at 10”
Why don't the backstreet boys have a front vocal?
Because if they did, he'd be a main street boy.
So I don't swear in front of the kids...
Something just popped up on my laptop and gave me a jump-scare. I said "Oh Fudge, what is that?" My GF replied with "It's a sweet made from sugar, butter and condensed milk".
"I don't know why people don't wear these anymore. They are so convenient and stylish. Everything you need-right there in front of you"
I don't want to buy a house without a front yard
Because it leaves a lot to be desired
Why don't more guys helicopter their penis in front of their girlfriends?
Because that's a dick move
Wouldn't it have been amazing if John Lennon had invented that device that you put in your front door to secretly see who's on the other side?
I mean, imagine all the peepholes!
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