An accidentally overcooked Mennonite t-bone

Is Amish steak

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RAClef
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
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A lot of people say they don’t have a racist bone in their body

After all, racism is only skin deep

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ru5tyk1tty
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
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I swear I ordered the sirloin, yet they brought me a t- bone

Apparently I have been mistaken.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ManicMuncy
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
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I asked the guy at the meat counter for a couple of t-bones, but he gave me some sirloins instead.

He later apologized for his mis-steak.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HeyWhatsItToYa
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
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why couldn’t the vampire choose between ribeye, sirloin or T bone?

Because he was scared of stakes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thisispeculiar
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
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I just invested in a company that will pay me to keep t-bones and rib-eyes in my freezer to sell when the market improves...

I'm a steak-holder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
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I don’t know why I find bones so funny

I just think they’re humerus

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πŸ‘€︎ u/garboooge
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2019
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And if that doesn’t work, try the funny bone!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SkyeEDEMT
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2018
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My son gets really excited when we go to the natural history museum. When he gets near the prehistoric bones, he just explodes with excitement and I can't deal with is new strength.

I'm just not qualified to handle his dino-might.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/leniski1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2019
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Dogs can't see your bones.

But catscan.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quadruplebacon
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2019
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I have never heard a joke about bones that wasn't humerus
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubeykeebler
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2019
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I was going to buy some t-bones that were really expensive but I went with the safe choice.

The steaks were too high

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πŸ‘€︎ u/41d3n_P1355
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2019
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What do you call a leg bone that won't stop hating on your gods?

A Blas-Femur

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mopidozo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2018
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I thought I wanted a large unicorn t-bone on grill

but realised it would be huge myth-steak.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/doogy650
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2014
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What bone won't a dog eat?

A trom-bone.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NewGenRain
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2014
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Guy got his luxury car t-boned in an accident

Suppose he saw how the Mercedes-Benz

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
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It's just a pun, honest
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AspiBoi
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2020
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My friend recently got t-boned in his new car after winning the lottery. I asked him if he was a glass half full or glass half empty type of guy. He responded

Medium-well.

Edit: over-medium is for eggs

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πŸ‘€︎ u/UD_Gama_Reigh
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2019
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What would the Property Brothers show be called if they were alien skeletons?

E.T. Bone Home.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/static612
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
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Is this my pun-ishment
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iknowthisischeesy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
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The benefits of beer listed in bullet pints:

🍺 Beer is more nutritious than other alcoholic drinks.

🍺 Beer can help protect your heart.

🍺 Beer helps prevent kidney stones.

🍺 Beer lowers bad cholesterol.

🍺 Beer strengthens your bones.

🍺 Beer helps reduce stress.

🍺 Beer may help improve memory.

🍺 Beer helps cognitive function.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
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What is a skinny skeleton’s bones made out of?

Bone narrow!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RunningSomeMo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2021
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[Meta] The real purpose of dad jokes

Back in the before times, when sit-down restaurants existed, I used to order boneless cheese sticks and would just throw the word "boneless" in front of any appetizer with 100% corniness. The purpose of this isn't to make a good joke. It's not a good joke. The purpose is to make my dining companions catch some cringe splash damage and want to crawl into a hole and die out of embarrassment for my being horribly corny.

But there is a real, deeper purpose that I've discovered entirely by accident. People, especially young people, are so self-conscious and worried about saying or doing something embarrassing that it taints a lot of social gatherings. They go to a restaurant and are afraid to speak up even when their order is blatantly wrong. They'll tip well even when the food took an hour to arrive and the server has disappeared into the corn stalks behind a baseball field. It takes 2 hours of hanging out together before some friends finally stop nitpicking themselves, uncomfortable in their own bodies and brains, feeling perpetually judged, and begin to relax. These are the kinds of people who go to sleep every night replaying cringey moments from high school. Their last thought of the day is when the Burger King girl said, "Enjoy your meal!" and they said, "Thanks, you too."

It takes 2 hours and/or a lot of booze before they're comfortable enough to take conversational risks and truly reveal themselves. But if I come right out of the gate with a really dumb joke, then we can cut to the chase. There's less danger because someone in the group already shot themselves in the foot, right off the bat. They pulled a pin on the cringe grenade and then jumped on it.

You cringe at my dumb joke and then we're over the hump. Someone has already done something pretty stupid, so go ahead and order the hubcap of nachos and a massive chocolate shake because nobody is going to judge you poorly while they're all judging me.

In terms of price negotiations (haggling), there is a psychological concept called "anchoring". You throw out the first number and all subsequent numbers are compared to that number. This is the same idea. We've already set the humor standard pretty low at "boneless cheese sticks", so you can say the dumbest shit you want and, as long as it's not worse than my cheesy joke, it won't matter.

This is why, when you were a teenager and your dad took you and some friends out, your dad made corny jokes. He knew they were corny jokes. You and your friends un

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Permatato
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
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Have you heard about the Grizzly zoo that couldn't afford to pay the keepers?

It's pretty bear bones, now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TokyoGhoulFreak
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
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My 5 year old came up with this one. What is a skeleton's favorite weapon?

A bone and arrow (Kid loves to play minecraft sooo... yeah)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/emilytaege
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
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I think I’m hilarious. My SO does not.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OneMeterWonder
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2018
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What does a skeleton call his best friend?

His bone ami.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nyaasa14
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
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Many years ago there was a vicious viking named RΓΌdoff.

RΓΌdoff was one of the best fighters in his village and a terrifying opponent on the battlefield. He would often return from battle, so drenched in his opponent's blood that he became known as "RΓΌdoff det rΓΈde", meaning "the red".

After years of wars, and regular battles, RΓΌdoff finally grew old, and decided that his fighting days were behind him. He became the best farmer that his village had ever known and people would travel from.far away to ask him about his crops and to predict the weather, as he was quite proficient at it.

One morning he wokeup, and looked out the window, the skys were clear and the sun was shining, but RΓΌdoff could feel the pressure in his old bones and battle scars

"It will Rain soon", he said to his wife while she made breakfast. She glanced outside and told him he was nuts, it was bright and sunny.

He simply hiked up his pants and reminded her:

RΓΌdoff The Red knows rain, dear.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/smoffatt34920
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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There's no justification for holding a knife while flirting

Not even if it's a boning knife.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedArmyBushMan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
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Two skeletons we’re fighting

One of them said: i’ve got a bone to pick with you!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RangerJbro
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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I admit I was wrong about how good my chiropractor is.

I stand corrected.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2018
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What's common between strippers and giants?

They both grind men's bones to make bread

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Schrodingers_liar
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
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Which city has the most skeletons in it?

Lis-bone πŸ‡΅πŸ‡Ή

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rozsaszin
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
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What’s a skeletonβ€˜s favorite porn site

Bonely fans

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πŸ‘€︎ u/qwesrst
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
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How do you make a dog happy?

You give it a funny bone

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
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You want to know the way to my heart?

A scalpel and a bone saw.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
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What did the skeleton waiter say to his table?

Bone AppΓ©tit

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Th7rtyFour
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
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My friend has no arms and loves to make jokes about it. They're never any good though.

He doesn't have a funny bone in his body.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Swanbrother
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
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What did one skeleton say to the other skeleton when they bumped into each other and fell apart?

Well, it looks like I have a bone to pick with you!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/saint_davidsonian
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
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How does a French skeleton say hello?

Bone-jour.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/howiewu0402
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2020
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My anatomy class is currently covering the skeletal system and my professor is being unreasonable with the amount of material we need to know so I made an office hour appointment to speak with him.

You can bet your ass I have a bone to pick with him.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
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What did the skeleton say to his wife when he wanted to adopt a child?

I have some bones to pick with you.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Doomage007
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
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Her anger jumped discontinuously at that point in time.

Me: My love for you is 0/0 Her: Aww, infinite? Me: Nahh,Undefined. Her: Why are you like this, is there no limit to your stupidity? Me: Umm, now that you say it, I should've applied a limit to it. Her: I want to break your bones, ugh. Me: So are you saying that I'll have to re-visit the l'hospital?

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
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How do skeletons reproduce?

They bone.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DiamondChocobos
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2021
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What to giants and strippers have in common?

They both grind men’s bones to make their bread.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tsmyth15
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
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