Swollen Eye Puns

My soccer inflicted ingrown toenail has been giving me serious grief, exasperated by an infection. Swollen, purple and painful, my wife told me I needed to buy an expensive set of nail scissors and clippers to trimming down the offending nail.

I replied with "For toepiary?"

I think i must have failed in the telling of my 'dadjoke'. She did NOT roll her eyes but actually laughed!

I guess the journey is long in this game.

So last night I was with my brother, and he had a slightly swollen eye which he showed me. It looked a bit red, so I asked him, “Do you need to go to the doctor?”

He replied, “Nah, it’s fine. It’ll probably get better anyway.”

To that I said, “Well, I sure hope it does. Keep an eye out for it!”

What the hell. I’m not even a dad. I’m 16 years old.

Disclaimer: I'm not a Dad.

Yesterday my sister posted on facebook that her son had had a collision with a coffee table, the result of which is 6 stitches next to his eye, and his eye has swollen up.

My facebook response: "Sounds like he'll be eyeing the coffee table sideways for a little while."