My wife swiped our debit card on my butt crack.

She said "transaction denied, insufficient buns."

👍︎ 83
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📅︎ Aug 06 2019
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I was riding to a beach in this remote part of the district and stopped at this run down petrol pump

A kid was manning the pump and I asked if they take cards He replies with a straight face : No we give it back after swiping

👍︎ 7
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📅︎ Sep 16 2020
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True story

I went to return a T-Shirt to Banana Republic today. The item wasn't on my receipt so they asked me to swipe my credit card to see if they could find it in my purchase history.

Cashier: "Hmmm, that didn't work. Sir, would you mind re-swiping, I want to try your card again." Me: "It's a T-Shirt, not a cardigan" My 13 Year Old Son: 🙄

👍︎ 179
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📅︎ Sep 25 2017
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My dad at a fast food place

Cashier: swipes Dad's credit card. hands it back.

Cashier: looks at register. Sir, can I see your card again? It didn't work the first time.

Dad: I'm not wearing a cardigan.

👍︎ 382
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👤︎ u/thevach
📅︎ Sep 01 2013
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While buying something with a credit card...

I was getting my card ready to swipe, and the cashier said "strip facing me" and I said "you want me to do WHAT?" He nervously laughed and my wife was very disappointed in me.

Full disclosure: I am a dad

👍︎ 223
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📅︎ Oct 07 2013
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Checking out at the register

I was ringing out a son and father at the register. I tell him his total is "seven forty seven" and the father replies "I didn't buy a plane!" and looks at his son to get a quick laugh, but his son wasn't having any of it. Meanwhile, I'm trying to hold my laughter because i know this is a typical dad joke. But that's not the best part.

He swipes his credit card and reads the credit card reader out loud, "Sign Below". He ends up writing "BELOW" as his signature and says out loud to me and his son "It told me to sign 'Below' and so I did". His son responds with "Dad you are so embarrassing" and I'm chuckling out loud cuz I've never seen anyone do that the 3 years I've worked there lol

TL;DR Dad writes "Below" as his signature because he took it literally as any days would.

👍︎ 17
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👤︎ u/deepholes
📅︎ Nov 05 2013
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Dad joke at Sonic

Ordered two frozen drinks at Sonic, go to swipe my card and the card-reader is out of order. Girlfriend asks if I have any cash, so I open the ash compartment in my car and pull out a 5 dollar bill.

"I didn't even know you kept money in there!"

"Well you aren't supposed to know about it, just like any good slush fund."

👍︎ 6
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📅︎ May 09 2014
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How my dad pays for groceries... every time

Credit card reader says Please Swipe Card

My dad, "Why would I swipe it, I already own my card"

👍︎ 8
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👤︎ u/Pattastic
📅︎ Jan 14 2014
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My mother relayed this story from Christmas shopping with my father.

They get to the register, and comes the time that he's gotta use his debit card.

Clerk: You can swipe it now.

Father: Well, I thought I'd just pay for it.

👍︎ 2
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👤︎ u/silentxem
📅︎ Dec 25 2014
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