My wife is kicking me out because she's fed up with my South American animal puns

"OK", I said, "Alpaca my bags".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2021
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*Triggering britishers*
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/potato_patataa
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2021
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TIL many Central and South Americans suffer from an ocular infection called Eye Carumba /r/ShittyTodayILearned/co…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ItsMichaelRay
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2021
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Ancient South American owls always worked together secretly.

They were Inca hoots.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kartenhouse
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2021
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How many South Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A Brazilian!

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πŸ“…︎ May 18 2021
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Did you hear of the film where a woodcutting cult on a small farm in the south?

It's called the Texas Chainsaw Mass-acre.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAzrael2013
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2021
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Where do all the super heroes in South Africa come from?

Cape Town

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πŸ‘€︎ u/deepBlueCheese
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2021
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An American wants to enter a nightclub

Together with some friends from abroad, an Afghan, an Albanian, and Algerian, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguan, an Argintine, an Armenian, and Austrailian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djibouti, a Dominican, a Dutchman, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorean, an Egyptian, an Emirian, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinea-Bissauan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an I-Kiribati, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Irishman, an Israeli, an Italian, an Ivorian, a Jamaican, a Japanese, a Jordanian, a Kazakhstani, a Kenyan, a Kittian and Nevisian, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz, a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Liechtensteiner, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourger, a Macedonian, a Malagasy, a Malawian, a Malaysian, a Maldivan, a Malian, a Maltese, a Marshallese, a Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Monacan, a Mongolian, a Moroccan, a Mosotho, a Motswana, a Mozambican, a Namibian, a Nauruan, a Nepalese, a New Zealander, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerian, a Nigerien, a North Korean, a Northern Irishman, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Palauan, a Palestinian, a Panamanian, a Papua New Guinean, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Pole, a Portuguese, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Lucian, a Salvadoran, a Samoan, a San Marinese, a Sao Tomean, a Saudi, a Scottish, a Senegalese, a Serbian, a Seychellois, a Sierra Leonean, a Singaporean, a Slovakian, a Slovenian, a Solomon Islander, a Somali, a South African, a South Korean, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Sudanese, a Surinamer, a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Syrian, a Taiwanese, a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a Togolese, a Tongan, a Trinidadian or Tobagonian, a Tunisian, a Turkish, a Tuvaluan, a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, a Uruguayan, a Uzbekistani, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese, a Welshman, a Yemenite, a Zambian

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/leemhuis
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2021
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An anthropologist was cataloging south american folk remedies with the assistance a local tribal elder who indicated the leaves of a particular fern were the best cure for constipation. The anthropologist had doubts.

But the elder insisted "with fronds like these, you don't need enemas."

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2021
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Why are crimes in the 'Deep South' so hard to solve?

There's no dental records & all the DNA matches...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Altar-83
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
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People act like the North and South poles are exactly the same

...but really, there’s a whole world of differences between them.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrindoc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
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Dad dropped this one the morning after the South Carolina-Clemson game last sunday.

Dad: You hear it took the Clemson team 8 hours to get home last night?

Me: Why? was traffic that bad?

Dad: They had to go real slow since they didnt want another turnover.

(For those that didnt see that game, Clemson had 6-7 turnovers)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PiKappaFratta
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2013
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Why do Birds Fly South?

Cuz they can't walk

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HydropowerEnergy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
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Do you guys know what the most popular car in South Boston is?

A Wicked Smart car

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πŸ‘€︎ u/souphead420
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
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Carolina Reaper is one of the spiciest peppers in the world. But they are not scary.

For the wise men once said: Don't fear the Reaper

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rpdaca
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
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Seven Year Old Hit Me With His Best So Far

Driving home after a long week and had been driving for five hours or so on two lane roads through NM and AZ. Hour south of Petrified Forest and see four sheep on the side of the road.

Me: Son see those sheep? There must be a break in the fence and they are wandering away from their ranch.

Son: Well, that sounds baaaad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BrodyTuck
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2021
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Homegrown dad joke

I was driving from Tennessee to North Carolina the other day and right after I crossed over the Eastern Continental Divide, there was some road construction. A sign there said, "Fines Higher" and I thought to myself, "Huh. Probably because of the elevation."

Then I was disappointed because I was by myself and there was nobody there to tell.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fullinversion82
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2021
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Which African country is TESLA founder Elon Musk from?

Mad-at-gas-car, obviously.

(It just came to me and I had to share it. I'm so sorry)

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/painfool
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
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South Korean scientists created an artificial star for 20 seconds...

It's a whole new take on Asian Fusion.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JustStargazin
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
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Where do South American frogs live?

Chile Pad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ILikePVT
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
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A man has been arrested in South Africa for shooting a giant chess set

Goddamn those big game hunters

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PissYourTits
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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When ducks are flying south, they fly in a V formation. But one side is always longer. Do you know why?

There's more ducks on that side.

(As told by my father)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RMiller517
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
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TIL about the 1860's guano wars in South America.

They were bat shit crazy.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bunbarian
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
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The bear couldn't decide whether to go north or south for the winter

He was a bipolar bear

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotA_Drug_Dealer
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
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I don’t like discussing North and South in polite company.

I find those topics to be quite polarizing.

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
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What do you call a polar bear that faces North and a polar bear that faces South?

Polar Opposites.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xoriatis71
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
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There's a South American country where they have a rare pepper. Instead of being hot when you eat it, it makes your mouth feel cold.

It's called the Chilly Chile Chili.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlessedBigIron
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
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How many people live in South America?

At least a Brazilian.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iiooiooi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
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My wife is mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction.

So I packed up my stuff and right

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kiwiboy0419
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
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Apparently someone gets stabbed every 48 seconds in South London.

Poor bastard.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theultimatetaff
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
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There were no mines in Soviet Russia

They were called ours

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hessim20
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
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Apparently a town in South Wales is having greater lockdown restrictions imposed on it....

.....and it wouldn't have happened if people there had done things more Caerphilly.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KCL80
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
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6:30 is the best time

Hands down

πŸ‘︎ 99
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Camaschor
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
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My little Pony

Why could the little pony not talk...?

Because he was a little hoarse...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LostBoyNav
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
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Why can't redheads be in blues or jazz bands?

They got no soul.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PNWKiwi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
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What’s the best thing to ever come from Oklahoma?

I-35 South.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WCBrann
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
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My wife is kicking me out because she's fed up with my South American animal puns...

'OK,' I said, 'Alpaca my bags.'

πŸ‘︎ 75
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do birds fly south ?

Cause it’s too far to walk

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedMusical
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
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Why do birds fly south for the winter?

It's too far to walk.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kaneywest
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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How many South Americans does it take to change a light bulb?

A Brazilian

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aaronclark384
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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Why do birds fly south for the winter?

Because they can't swim.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hedges_101
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
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How many South Americans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A Brazilian

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trtlman
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do birds fly south for the winter

It's too far to walk

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tjeters
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Why Do Birds Fly South?

Because it's too far to walk!

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Poodyepi
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
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