Iโm bacon out here!
our conversation turned into a heated conversation
She wasnโt unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing. She would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around, then speak to them.
Generally, the people would respond negatively and she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money for something she carried in her bag.
The couple assumed she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didnโt know for sure they just continued to watch her.
After a couple of weeks the wife asked, โHoney, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?โ
He hadnโt and said so. Then she said, โTomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what sheโs really doing.โ
Well, the plan went off without a hitch, and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave. The man walked up the beach and met his wife at the road. โWell, is she selling drugs?โ she asked excitedly.โ
โNo, sheโs not.โ he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have.
โWell, what is it, then?โ his wife fairly shrieked.
The man grinned and said. โHer name is Sally and sheโs selling batteries.โ
โBatteries?โ cried the wife.
โYes,โ he replied. โShe sells C cells by the Seashore.โ
Microwaved hot dog
He picks up the ketchup bottle, glances at it and gives a hearty chuckle before slathering his brat in ketchup.
Puzzled, the woman watches as the next customer, a young girl, walks up to order her hot dog.
As she takes the container of relish, she bursts into a fit of giggles and walks off with her food, still laughing merrily.
A middle-aged man steps up next. Shoveling sauerkraut onto his hot dog, he laughs uproariously and walks away grinning.
When she reaches the front of the line, the woman asks the hot dog vendor,
โExcuse me, sir, but why does everyone laugh when they get their hot dogs?โ
โItโs simple, maโam.โ he says, handing her a piping-hot sausage. โIโm surprised you havenโt discovered for yourself.โ
Glancing at the mustard, the woman lets loose a peal of laughter.
โYa see, maโam? The real_jokeโs always in the condiments!"
Popsicles.
Get it? Met-a-four?
...its usually an ice day.
The swimming sPOOL.
His son said, "You know, you can use a rag to do this."
(Right before I leave)
Mom:Be safe driving over there
Me: Ok, Mom
Dad: Be safe deriving over there
Me: Goddamnit
I was bringing in a baked good that those who share my religious faith eat on special occasions. This was also the summer when the song "Hollaback Girl" was popular. As I'm leaving the car, my dad tells me, "If nobody eats the bread, make sure you don't bring it back, because then you'd be a Challah-back Boy."
Girlfriend: We should go to a 5 Seconds To Summer concert! [one of her favorite bands]
Me: We're too late. That would've been at 11:55:55 PM last night.
Girlfriend: ... oooOOOHHH because today is the first day of summer on the calendar!
...and never worry about the Fall
I'm bacon
