I told my kids that "fortnight" was a stupid name for a video game.

It's too weak.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yakcall
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2021
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I'll never vaccinate my kids, that's stupid, irresponsible, and dangerous.

I'd get the doctor to do it.

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mr_world_thin
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
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My kid said "I left my backpack in the STUPID car!

I replied "don't call the car stupid! It passed it's emissions test!!!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shortbusaz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
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Concrete evidence that kids are indeed stupid.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EpicBro16
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2019
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A technique that has been used for decades
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AM10_
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
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As I put my car in reverse, I thought to myself...

β€œThis takes me back.”

πŸ‘︎ 15k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
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I asked my son to go get me a phone book. He laughed, called me a dinosaur, and handed me his iPhone.

The spider is dead, the iPhone screen is cracked, and my son is furious!

πŸ‘︎ 15k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sierrasport
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
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Accidental Dad Joke

Story time:

So over the holiday, while visiting my mom, she asked me to run and pick up some groceries she had on her shopping list. So of course, I pack up my kids and we are off to the store. As I am perusing the juice aisle, my daughter squeals, "ELSA!!!!" Sure enough, there was Elsa, on the label of a bottle of apple juice. I thought, "Apple juice is on the list and it will make my daughter happy? Boom getting it!" Fast forward to putting groceries away at my mom's house.

Mom: "Did you get everything on my list?"

Me: "Yes mom."

Mom: as I am handing her the Elsa apple juice "Oh I wanted you to get the frozen apple juice"

Me: my face shifting from a look of irritation to a stupid-cheesy smirk "That IS Frozen apple juice..."

Mom: fighting the urge to smack me while rolling her eyes "OMG."

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ehrivei
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
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My son is starting school soon and thinks the other children will pick on him because of his name...

I said, "Don't be silly, Someoneyourownsize! Why would anyone pick on you?!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2018
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DadJokes are proof that comedy skips a generation.

http://imgur.com/gallery/3GUE8

This was a group text from me to both of the kids. The younger was born exactly nine months from the Tuesday in question. The older one responded with a thumbs down.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ty10drope
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2017
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A woman pregnant with twins was in the hospital with her brother as she went into labour.

She gave birth to a boy and a girl but the delivery was very intense and she went into coma for a few days. When she woke up the doctor told her about the twins and that as she was in coma for long, her brother named the kids. She said,"Oh God! Not my brother, he is a stupid idiot."

The doctor told her that he named the girl Denise and her mother said,"well that's not too bad, what about my son?"

The doctor replied the boy is named DeNephew.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/man_nowhere
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
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Because of this sub...

I now carry a scrap of paper in my back pocket that has the word "Otherwise" written on it.

Last night my mom was telling me how well my daughter did in the nursery at church, i pulled the paper out and firmly stated "This says Otherwise."

She took out her glasses, carefully unfolded it, then started laughing while handing it to my dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SilverStryfe
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2015
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A Knock knock joke...

As a dad I use this on kids all the time... And it always makes me laugh.

Dad: "I know a good knock knock joke but you have to start it."

Mark: "Ok... Knock knock"

Dad: "Who is there?"

Mark: stands their stupid....

Dad: "Bwaa hahahaha."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SquidThumbs
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
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The award for the best dadjokes 2018 goes to...

… u/ebkbk for this post: Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian. made on 24.11. with 38.9k upvotes

[also already made by u/Tface on 25.03. for 16.9k upvotes]

Let's move on to the top 3 of each month:

January:

  1. Is this sub still active? by u/I_Fart_Liquids on 01.01. with 36.4k upvotes

  2. Gonorrhea would have been a great name for diarrhea medicine by u/daugarten on 20.01. with 30.8k upvotes

  3. An open letter to the mods of r/dadjokes: by u/Alfie_13 on 27.01. with 18.9k upvotes

February:

  1. Was watching Star Wars with my daughter. She asked why Luke was climbing inside a Tauntaun, I said to keep warm. by u/jakeisbill on 05.02. for 20.3k upvotes

  2. My daughter asked me what I'm posting on Reddit... by u/madazzahatter on 25.02. for 18.3k upvotes

  3. When a woman is giving birth, she is literally kidding. by u/ownworldman on 23.02. for 17.7k upvotes

March:

  1. I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth, we can read maps backwards!" and I thought... by u/madazzahatter on 21.03. for 22.2k upvotes

  2. Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. by u/Tface on 25.03. for 16.9k upvotes.

  3. [When I reach home, my 1.5 y.o. son rushes out to the gate to sit in my lap while I park the car. Then he just grabs the steering and starts shaking it with brrrmmm brrrmmm sound. His cute antics always make me forget that he's suffering from a rare disease.](https://www.reddit.com/r/da

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Skormes
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
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Wife hated it

Was talking with my step-mother-in-law. She said "The kids are being quiet. They must be misbehaving." I followed with "That's sound logic..." I thought it was hilarious and she laughed once but my wife just thought it was stupid.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/milhouse728
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2013
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Don't know if this one has been posted, but my dad's favorite.

Me: Dad what are having for dinner?

Dad: Food.

Me: Yeah but what kind?

Dad: The kind you eat.

Got me multiple times with that one. I must have been a stupid kid.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/T0mpkinz
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2014
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Sports Dad Joke

I was playing a stupid little game with around a dozen kids on each team. One kid on my team tripped a kid on their team, and started yelling "Foul!" So I replied

"Ref, that team is using foul language!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Coffeechipmunk
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2015
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I dad-joked my dad when I was a kid.

Kid me: Dad, what is a nant? (put emphasis on the space between a and nant)

Dad: Ummmm....I think its some term for computer memory, like part of a byte or something. (this was the late 90s and he worked for a computer company so he was trying to sound smart)

Kid me: No, stupid, an ant, like the things that run around on ant hills.

Dad: Haha (internally wishes I was dead)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AxeEffect3890
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2015
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Dadjoked this morning. Cue sporadic fits of laughter.

Me: I feel bad for Mitt Romney. Mitt is such a stupid name. What kind of parent names their kid Mitt?

Dad: Well gee, I think it fits like a glove!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2014
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IT DOESN'T, MAKE- (sigh) never mind.

As a kid, I can remember having petty fights with my brothers about something stupid (like about finishing the last reese puffs) Anyway, one time while arguing my brother yelled, "THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!"

My dad somehow walked into the perfect moment to say, "It makes 10 cents."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kingcroak
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2013
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