So today, a subreddit.
It will run till Friday.
So a subreddit.
The winner is the first person to cross the Finnish line.
It's something I see myself doing.
But I've already got a lot on my plate.
I’m not sure, but I think that they’re Tulips.
After all these years, he still doesn't know my name is Dave...
Runs until next Friday.
He was trying to see which way I was leaning
I guess she is more of a house cat
But they started screaming and complaining, so I had to take them down.
"It's this job! I hate it!"
Lunch is on me.
“Wherever you go, there are those darn cameras!"
It was in tenths.
Boy did I appreciate the cymbal-ism...
Teapot
He replied: I was going to charge you, but I noticed you had Frida Livery”
and I like my Corona without Lyme.
Sheesh, I didn’t know there was going to be hidden fees.
I was wrong on many levels
My mom: I didn’t like the idea of the mustache but I have to say it’s grown on me
Me: No mom, it’s actually grown on me
Getting pretty good at tossing salad
Three of the zoo employees were rushed to hospital with turd debris burns
I think they were laced or something
Unfortunately I ran out of toilet paper already so started using lettuce leaves. Today was the tip of the iceberg.
My understanding is limited
I am a bit proud of what I achieved today. I promise that this is spontaneous to me, even though I might have heard the word somewhere else.
So my older children are up and waiting for breakfast, and they started talking about a game variety of Parkour, and the word “legendary” is being thrown around casually. So I ask them if they know what legendary means, and my son says, after a minute of thinking, that it means very amazing. I answered, “No, legendary means super famous milk.” Took them half a minute to figure out and I got the biggest groans ever!
He started pointing them out to me.
"Llama, llama, llama, llama, llama, chameleon."
++++++++++++++++++
I thought of this today while driving and smacked my wheel as I giggled. My girlfriend stared at me, bemused and confused.
I like it. I'm proud of myself.
Him: "Nah, I'm not getting sick. It's all in the head. Like allergies. I used to be allergic to pistachios, but now I'm not!" starts eating some pistachios
Me: "Did you really used to be allergic to them?"
Him: "No, of course not. That would be nuts!"
W: Can you make a few copies of this key?
M: Sure, I'll do it when I run to Home Depot, they have a kiosk there.
W: Haha, a key-osk!
Had to visit a mall today. As I was standing on the escalator, someone coughed behind me. I turned around and noticed he was very near. We all know if you need to cough, you must cough far away. So I told him to FAR COUGH. And that’s how the fight started
"Ya know, Jesus drove a Honda but never liked to talk about it" "What are you talking about??" "Yeah he said 'I do not speak of my own accord.' And then there was Rachel. She lit off her own camel! She was the first woman in the bible to smoke...."
Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.
Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.
Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.
The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.
Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.
Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasn’t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.
One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.
Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.
“Well” said Jeff, “As I’m sure you know the convention comes to town later”.
The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.
“Yes of course” replied Trevor
... keep reading on reddit ➡He started clapping.
(Obligatory: actually happened today, my mom messaged me to complain about his bad joke. I thought it was fucking hilarious.)
"Start spreading the news, I'm leaving today."
So instead, a subreddit.
So instead, a subreddit.
Three of the employees were rushed to the hospital with turd debris burns.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
He answered, "It's this job man! I hate it!"
