My friend today is intentionally staring at the sun to cause eye damage.

Look on the bright side, today will be the last time he sees 2020....

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/RasberryOnline
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
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Why shouldn't you stare at the Sun?

Because you'll get Corona Iris.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/abydocomistdad
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 09 2021
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Dont stare directly at the sun during the eclipse

You'll make it feel uncomfortable

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/deez_treez
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 21 2017
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Being vegan is so easy.

I literally just stare at the sun and I'm full. Thanks photosynthesis.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/coop0606
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
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Nihilist Dad Jokes

Why did the scarecrow win a prize? Because he stood alone in his field! He stood there for years, rotting, until he was forgotten.

I tell my kids, youโ€™re allowed to watch the TV all you wantโ€ฆ Just donโ€™t turn it on! This way they will begin to understand the futility of all things.

How does a penguin build a house? Igloos it together. Like all animals, it is an automaton, driven by blind genetic imperative, marching slowly to oblivion.

Why donโ€™t skeletons go trick or treating? They have no body to go with them! The skeletons are like us: alone, empty, dead already.

I donโ€™t really like playing soccer. I just do it for kicks! Like all of humanity, I pretend to enjoy things, and others pretend to care about my charade.

You hear about the moon restaurant? Good food, no atmosphere! If you eat there, you forfeit your life, which would make no difference to the universe as a whole.

Why did the blonde focus on an orange juice container? It said concentrate! She realized that societyโ€™s depictions of her were like the juice: formulaic, insipid, fake.

My wife told me to put the cat out. I didnโ€™t know it was on fire! By the time I could act, it was incinerated, a harbinger of the path we all must take.

How come the invisible man wasnโ€™t offered a job? They just couldnโ€™t see him doing it! This man stands for all of us: unseen, misunderstood, irrelevant.

Today I gave away my old batteriesโ€ฆ Free of charge! No one wanted them, so I became angry and threw them in the yard. The battery acid now leaks into the soil, killing a colony of ants. A sparrow eats their bodies and is poisoned. Somewhere in the Serengeti, a lion devours his rivalโ€™s cubs. Then the lion is shot by a poacher and sold to an unloved rich man whose father was an unloved rich man. In five billion years, the Sun will become a bloated giant, boiling the oceans and consuming our pointless cruelties with flames. I wake sweat-drenched and screaming, staring at the visage of a faceless god. โ€œWHAT HAVE I DONE?! HOW COULD I BRING A CHILD INTO THIS WORLD!?โ€ But this god, like all gods, is nothingโ€”just my sonโ€™s Wilson baseball mitt, sitting on my dresser, mocking me.

Will February March? No, but April May! Soon we become ash, and time forgets us.

Source: https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/nihilist-dad-jokes

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/vorschlaghammer
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 03 2019
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Dad just walked into the room...

Dad just walked into the living room shielding his eyes.

Me: What are you doing?

Dad: My parents taught me not to stare at the sun.

Me: What?

Dad: Because you're my son.

Mom and dad both literally had to leave because they were laughing so hard.

EDIT: Formatting.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/saketssn
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 30 2013
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Got an old man at the a sports bar with this one.

He had asked to borrow the Toronto Sun I was browsing, as I gave him the newspaper I told him 'just don't stare at the Sun too long.'

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/linktothenow
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 16 2014
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