It could be worse
Watt?
One connects to your computer and accesses all your data, and the other is an IT industry standard.
This is because they are shocked.
It was suffering from low self esteem, which started as a hatchling as it was considerably smaller than the other chicks. Itβs schoolmates were not kind, either. They would point out itβs skinny legs. They would make fun of it for getting scared easily. But most damagingly, and this was no fault of its own (for this chicken lived in the UK at a time when agricultural regulations were of a less than ideal standard), they made fun of his manboobs. For years the chicken wallowed in its own misery, only able to get little morsels of satisfaction by reading jokes on reddit, until one day it decided that it had had enough of the reposts. He would go to the gym, sign up, pay the membership fee, andβ¦ work on his pecks.
Each prisoner received brand new planks and nails for fear of cross contamination.
The average person is a mean person.
Discuss.
So they could use pro-nouns rather than standard-nouns.
Just 52!
No pun in ten did.
Because paper beats Rock.
Mine's 1920x1080.
no pun in ten did
That folks is why they're dad jokes...
He was playing On the Road Again.
β Dada, the bread is the YEAST of my problems!β
As my smile stretched from ear to ear, I gave him a hug. True story.
He called it Kohl's Law.
I was disappointed when I got there, the toilet was very bog standard
Despite having all of standard replies, it only answers maybe.
because it lives well below its mean.
But in the end, it was a tie.
That's the spirit!
He suspected one of the congregants may have stolen the bike but he didn't want to falsely accuse anyone. He decided to go to a local rabbi for advice. The rabbi advised the priest to give the next sermon about the 10 Commandments and when he gets to "thou shall not steal", look around to see if anyone is nervous.
A week later the rabbi sees the priest on his bike. The rabbi said "So I see that my advice worked out as intended". The priest replied "actually I didn't need to go through all of them. When I got to "thou shall not commit adultery", I suddenly remembered where I put my bike.
As it turns out, it's a rather standard deviation.
...
Hopefully that term rings a bell.
"Where do you see yourself in 5 yrs?"
I replied, "With perfect vision!"
You get someone who makes you an offer that you can't understand!
will forever be known as the stepfather.
Bang galore!
(Modified from a tweet I read, but can no longer find)
That is what the beer was for.
Because it's a mini soda
Just their standard naan disclosure agreement.
He only retrieves tennis balls.
A UK bee carries pollen, a US bee carries data
He went completely off script.
Because she wouldn't date a Miner.
I always include a dad joke on the schedule for my employees (which this sub helps out with when I can't think of one, thank you). Next Friday is my last day, and this is the last schedule I'm sending to them. We work in a bookstore, and my final, cringe inducing joke to them is:
After careful consideration, I've decided to leave my job at the bookstore. It's time to turn the page to a new chapter in my life
Pretty bad even by my standards, but it felt right.
An Instagram
WHO could take care of this?
By a man called "Ray Flection" who apparently keeps following him around the house and copying everything he does.
Daughter is incandescent with indignation that he HAS to know its just a mirror - but with 3% of her wondering if her Dad is just really an idiot.
Dad work done for the day.
A pirate walked into a bar with a ship's wheel for a belt buckle.
The bartender asked him; "That's a neat buckle, but don't you find it hard to walk around?"
The pirate replies; "Arrrrr, It's drivin' me nuts!!!
Finally, I cracked the case.
A pool table
(I'm sorry, I'll let myself out, I know it was absolutely terrible even by dad joke standards)
She took my breath away.
Seems like a weird standard for a measurement of distance but ok
and immediately crashes it, killing several people.
At the trial, the man is found guilty of multiple murders and sentenced to death.
Before he faces his sentence, heβs offered a last meal, and asks for a single banana, which is given to him.
The next day, heβs led to the electric chair. They strap him in, pull the switch, and... nothing happens.
Thereβs never been a failure before. But because you cannot punish a person twice for the same crime, the court is forced to let him go free.
Within a weekβs time, naturally, the man, who is obsessed with trains, goes and steals another one.
He doesnβt care that he canβt drive it or that he failed catastrophically before; he is obsessed with trains and his only desire is to operate one. As before, he crashes it, and kills several people.
Again, he stands trial, and again, he is sentenced to death, showing no remorse, only delight that he got to operate the train.
His last meal request is a single banana. When he goes to the chair, the executioner pulls the switch, but nothing happens. He goes free again.
The train-obsessed maniac, once more on the loose, wastes no time in hijacking a train and crashing it.
His trial is speedy, because this has already happened twice, and he is sentenced to death.
They ask him what heβd like for his last meal. βA single banana,β he says.
βOh, no you donβt, you son of a bitch. Weβre on to you, now. We know all about your little banana trick, and youβre not escaping this time!β
The guards refuse his request, and instead serve him a standard last meal of steak, potatoes, and berry cobbler.
The next morning they strap him into the electric chair, pull the switch, and... nothing happens.
βDid you give him the banana?β demands the head guard.
βNo, sir! He asked for the banana but we didnβt give it to him, we swear!β says one of the guards.
Turns out the banana had nothing to do with anything. He was just a really bad conductor.
Because heaven has high standards
But no pun in ten did
But no pun in ten did.
