Breaking News: Archaeologists believe that they've uncovered a cache of pencils that belonged to William Shakespeare. A spokesperson for the dig said they're so badly chewed on the ends,
we can't tell if they're 2B or not 2B.
I broke up with my royal girlfriend...
Little known fact: William Tell and his wife were really good bowlers.
Nobody knows for whom the Tells bowled.
Freddie Mercury, Bruno Mars and Venus Williams all walk into the same bar.
Who is William DeFoe’s arch enemy?
The queen liked my girlfriend so much, she immediately made her an honorary member of the royal family...
She was really empressed!
William Shatner has discontinued his line of ladies lingerie.
Apparently Shatner panties was a poor choice of name.
What did the royal taster say after drinking the poisoned water?
A meat-loving king has a contest to find the next royal chef
A meat-loving king has a contest to find the next royal chef. He invites 3 renowned chefs from all over the kingdom to serve him and the favorite will become the new royal chef!
The first chef serves the king an enormous rack of ribs. "Very impressive," said the king.
The second chef serves a huge steak, cooked to perfection. "So satisfying," said the king.
The third chef gives the king a plate with small rocks on a bed of shredded cabbage. "What the hell is this," the king asks.
The third chef says, "These rocks fell from the sky into my back yard. Indeed, ribs and steak are very meaty, but asteroids are meteor!"
Dr William Archibald Spooner, the creator of spoonerisms was well known to be a smart fella.
William Shatner, Star Trek’s Captain Kirk, is said to be extremely disappointed after the collapse of his recently launched women’s underwear business...
Apparently, nobody was interested in buying ‘Shatner Panties’.
What type of music can the Royal Family not listen to?
How many Germans does it take to change a lightbulb?
One. They're very efficient, and not particularly funny.
Did you hear that Vanessa Williams got robbed the other day?
They need to stop Robin Williams
Sailing aboard the new cruise liner SS Penis is by invitation only.
It's an exclusive member ship.
It has recently been discovered that William Tell and his son belonged to a bowling league. But Swiss historians have not been able to determine the name of the league's sponsors.
We may never know for whom the Tells bowled.
What's your favorite Robin Williams movie?
Without a doubt, mine is Mrs. Fire.
Prince Harry and Meghan Markle were down on their luck.
They took one of their prized possessions—The Star of The Empire, one of the worlds largest diamonds—to a famous yet discreet pawn shop outside of Las Vegas to ask for a loan.
The pawnbroker said "So I talked to my buddy who is an expert in diamonds to get his opinion. I can give you $200,000 for it."
Prince Harry said "You must be joking, I had this appraised at nearly 2 million pounds! Don't you know who I am, I'm a prince! My mother is Queen of The United Kingdom, Elizabeth II!!"
The pawnbroker said "$200k, take it or leave it. When you wish to pawn a star, makes no difference who you are..."
William Otis showed his son his evolutionary invention.
He said, "Son, this is a ground breaking creation."
Where do royal British ducks live?
A platypus walks into a bar owned by a duck.
He orders a drink, and asks for the check.
Duck billed platypus.
Edit: Thanks guys.
I love a royal flush!
It means a great deal to me.
If Queen Elizabeth farts during dinner, all the other guests are supposed to pretend as if nothing happened.
Noble gases have no reaction.
I'm starting a business in airports selling bags with the faces of Sid James, Hattie Jacques, Kenneth Williams, Charles Hawtrey and Joan Sims on them.
It'll be called "Carry On Baggage".
I sat next to an insurance salesmen at the Robbie Williams gig last night.
And through it all, he offered me protection...
My dentist told me that I am a royal descendant
Did you hear about the Egyptian royal family that had harmonious flatulence?
They had a little toot-in-common.
Without a doubt, my favourite Robin Williams movie is Mrs Fire.
Edit: Thanks for my first ever Gold! I have no idea what it does but it sure is shiny =]
A friend of mine always carries around a scale with him no matter where he goes. Anytime he meets a new person named William he throws them right on the scale. So one day I finally asked, "why do you keep doing this?" He replied.
"because where there's a Will there's a weigh."
So my name is William
And my soccer coach in 7th grade asks me: Do you they call you Will or Bill?
Me: They call me both.
Coach: Okay, Both, nice to meet you.
I'm 42 years old, and that man's son still calls me "Both" to this day.
If you rearrange the letters in "Royal Mail"
They get extremely annoyed
Did you hear William Shatner was starting his own underwear line?
But “Shatner Panties” was not a good business.
I’m terrible with directions but my friend William always knows where to go.
When there’s a Will, there’s a way.
William is nervous about his life prospects
My daughter said she needs a book by Shakespeare for a class assignment. "Which one?" I asked.
I telephoned the tennis star Serena Williams for an interview and asked her, “What’s your favourite planet?”
Her: It’s Venus.
Me: Sorry Venus, would you put Serena on the phone?
Did you know William Tell and his wife were bowlers?
Noone knows for whom the Tell's bowled.
I have a pencil that used to belong to William Shakespeare. He chewed it a lot.
Now, I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B!
Freddie Mercury, Bruno Mars, and Venus Williams all walk into the same bar.
Freddie Mercury, Bruno Mars and Venus Williams walk into a bar
I have a pencil that was owned by William Shakespeare, but he chewed it a lot.
I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B.
Someone own a pencil that used to be owned by William Shakespeare, but he chewed it a lot.
Now he can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B.
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