Why won’t the dolphin apologize for splashing you with water??

Because he did it on porpoise...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/I_Luv_Dubstep
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
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So today my friend splashed some water on me, and then a car splashed him.

Now thats some good carma

Yea imma head out...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MilanTheUAVMan
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
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A parishioner at my church broke into the holy water tank and splashed some on his infant daughter, saying, "your are hereby baptized!"

That's just not rite.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
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Almost got splashed by the water.

One hot day, my friend and I were at the amusement park. We were just about to walk through the splash zone for a water ride when we saw the come down the track and spray water everywhere. By the time we reached the splash zone, all that was left in the air was a light mist. "I wish we would've gotten hit with the water, but it mist."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mbrdfld3
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2016
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the puppy test

Before you let your kids get a puppy, take the Puppy Test.

Best taken in the autumn or mid winter.

  1. Buy a lead and tie it to a big stone, walk around dragging the stone behind you.
  2. Get up at 5am, go out in the pouring rain and walk up and down a muddy path, repeating good girl/boy, wee wees...poo poos, quickly please
  3. Stuff your pockets with plastic bags and pick up all the poo you can find, obviously not your dogs as you have not bought it yet ??
  4. Start wearing your shoes indoors, especially during muddy times
  5. Collect leaves off the ground and spread them on the floor
  6. Carry sticks and branches indoors and chop them up on your carpet
  7. Pour cold apple juice on the rug and floor....walk barefooted over it in the dark
  8. Drop some chocolate pudding on your carpet in the morning and then try to clean it in the evening
  9. Wear socks to which you have made holes using a blender
  10. Jump out of your favorite chair just before the movie ends and run to open the back door
  11. Cover all your best clothes with dog hair, dark clothes with blond hairs and light clothes with dark hairs
  12. Tip all just ironed clothes on the floor
  13. Make little pin holes in all your furniture, especially chair and table legs
  14. When doing dishes, splash water all over the place and don't wipe it.
  15. Spread toilet paper all over the house when you leave the house and tidy up when you get back home
  16. Forget any impulse holidays and/or breaks
  17. Always go straight home after work or school
  18. Go for walks no matter what the weather, and inspect every dirty paper, chewing gum and dead fly you might find
  19. Stand at your back door at five in the morning shouting, "Bring Mr Bumble and Mr Lion in, its raining.”
  20. Wake up at 3am. Place a correct size bag of flour on top of yourself and try to sleep, whilst wiping your face with a dishcloth, which you have left next to your bed in a bowl last week.
    Repeat everyday over 6 months and if you still think getting a puppy sounds like a good idea, Congratulations, you might be ready for your kids to get your puppy.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/specklesinc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
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a joke my dad told that took 2 weeks to pay off

(the joke makes more sense in dutch)

My dad talking to my nephew about his pet horse he used to have.

"My horse was an oddball, wherever we'd go he'd look for water to splash around in. one time we went to the beach and he'd jump into the water and swim around."

Two weeks later we're hanging out and my aunt tells dad she heard the story about his horse, and asked what kind of horse it was.

"a seahorse"

(in dutch he talked about a dog, and a seal in dutch is "zeehond" (seadog))

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lewney
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
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Cool with it

Me and a classmate were working a fundraiser. He splashed me with the ice water from the drinks, and so I splashed him back. He said, "I'm cool with this."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Christine900
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2019
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dad joked my niece

So my niece was talking about how it was raining, and at her school they have these "tents", which are really just tarps, over the outside lunch area. Apparently water pools up on top of them after it rains.

Her: the janitor was pushing up with a broom underneath and the water was splashing off, it was intense! me: sounds like it was off-tents actually... her: facepalm

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πŸ‘€︎ u/plasticarmyman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2014
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Is your water pasteurized?

Dad: Hey, do you think that pool water is pasteurized?

Me: Why would they pasteurize the pool water?

Dad: If you scoop some up in in your hands and splash it on your face then it would be past your eyes!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Crankindownhourly
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2014
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