my friend just told me, 'I hope you die in a deep hole filled with water'.

I know he means well.

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
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This sub is going downhill
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BradC
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2020
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My 10 year old came in with a piece of paper and said β€œDad, I’ve got a joke for you.”

Then she ripped it in half and said, β€œNever mind, it’s tearable.”

I feel like I’ve succeeded as a dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rodunk
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2019
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Dad and son create a pun fueled, food map [x-post /r/interestingasfuck]

http://imgur.com/a/j9cGL?gallery

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2015
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Did you know that your eyesight actually gets better as you get older?

It's called adult supervision.

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2015
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I went to the doctor yesterday. He said I have onomatopoeia. I asked him if it was bad.....

Doctor: It's exactly what it sounds like.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bluebugs23
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2015
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What is your favorite dad joke?

My personal favorite is: "Hey did you hear about the guy who got his whole left side cut off?" "Oh, don't worry. He's all right now."

It lets you add a lot of different flare, especially if you're looking at your phone and you make it sound like a news story or something.

So what's your favorite dad joke?

EDIT: Thank you everyone, I've gotten a good chuckle out of all of these! It's been a rough couple of days, but these all cheered me up. I'm going to be recycling them... My girlfriend eyes are gonna be rolling overtime tonight. I'd feel sorry, but my girlfriend probably doesn't want me feeling anyone but her.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cawblade
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2015
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Dad dropped this gem yesterday discussing plans for the holidays...

Me: How would you feel about a holiday cruise?

Dad: That sounds good, we can start at Christmas Island and go to Easter Island.

Me: (shakes head)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zrockstar
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2017
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Hot Dog Puns

a friend's text to me: I have eaten three mini hot dogs

my response: Frankly, that sounds delicious

I declare you the weiner of the food contest

I hope you dance your buns off

I relish the opportunity to ketchup at a later date


I feel like I could have done more - any other good ones out there?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wowmomlol
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2015
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The hidden puns of LexisNexis

Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.

Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":

  • Bucyrus International caters to those who mine their own business.
  • It would be logical for Mr. Spock to boldly go to Vulcan International for rubber products. He might even live long and prosper -- in comfortable shoes.
  • What do manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel (EMD) and 1970s band Grand Funk Railroad have in common? They both want you to do the locomotion!
  • Peter Piper can pick more than a peck of peppers or pickles from B&G Foods.
  • Toray Plastics America could sing "foam, foam on the range, where the polyester and polypropylene materials are made" all day.
  • Break out the Tums, because things are awfully gassy over at Air Liquide America.
  • If a tree falls in a Weyerhaeuser forest, someone is there to hear it -- and he has a chainsaw.
  • Although not a pushover, you can walk all over Wilsonart International.
  • Here's a HEICO haiku: HEICO companies/ Providing for jet engines/ In flight or on land.
  • American Italian Pasta Company (AIPC) uses its noodle in many different ways.
  • The golf industry doesn't mind when Aldila gives it the shaft.
  • Rat-a-tat-tat and a ringa-ding-ding. What's that? Answer: The sounds emanating from Pearl, one of the world's foremost makers of drums and other percussion and musical instruments.
  • Saint-Gobain Ceramics & Plastics deals powders and crystal, but there's no need to call the cops.
  • Pamida Stores Operating Company offers more small-town values than a bandwagon of Republicans on the campaign trail.
  • Like a tight end, offshore drilling contractor Transocean dreams of going deep but doesn't mind eating a little mud.
  • Rittal me this, Batman!
  • Utility Trailer Manufacturing is spreading its own brand of reefer madness.
  • Who is the Fresh Prince of Sullair?
  • If GrafTech International were a bard, it could wax poetic in an ode to the electrode.
  • When it comes to adhesives and vibration control products, LORD knows.
  • You might say that Deere & Company enjoys its customers going to seed.
  • Pfizer pfabricates pfarmaceuticals pfor quite a pfew inpfirmities.
  • Stripping is OK at Spraylat.
  • Don't think Seton is
... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2016
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