Sons Of Soul Puns

One evening a big, rough, tough, gravel voiced Texan was travelling through a small town on his horse. He spots a local tavern and decides to get a drink. He ties his horse up, and heads inside.

He approaches the bar:

'Bartender! Get me a shot of your strongest whiskey'

He quickly knocks it back, and heads outside. When outside, his horse has gone. He storms back inside and announces to the punters:

'Listen up! I left my horse tied up outside not 5 minutes ago, and now she's gone. I'm gonna have 3 more shots of this here whiskey, and if she ain't back, I'm gonna have to do what I did back in Texas. And trust me, I do NOT want to do what I did in Texas. Bartender! Get me another whiskey!'

So he knocks it back, and heads outside to check. Still no sign of his horse.

'I'm warning you, 2 more drinks to go, and if my horse ain't back, I'm gonna have to do what I did in Texas. And believe me, I DO NOT want to have to do what I did in Texas.'

The punters sat there nervously, fearing what could happen if the horse doesn't turn up. He knocks another shot back and goes to check on his horse, but still no sign. He crashes back in to the tavern:

'This is your last chance. If my horse ain't there after this last drink, I'm gonna have to do what I did in Texas. And I repeat I DO NOT wanna have to do what I did in Texas. Bartender! Get me my last whiskey!'

So he sinks his last drink and heads outside. Much to the punters relief his horse is back! They all breather a collective sigh of relief.

As he's mounting his horse, one brave soul approaches him and ask 'Sir? If you don't mind me asking, what happened back in Texas?'

'Well son, back in Texas, when my horse went missing.... I had to walk home.'

I was puttering around the kitchen legit just now when my dad came in and said: "Hey, son; I got you a new--well, a used iPad."

I turn, really surprised, until he hands me a rather dusty and faded blue eye cover for sleeping.

"It's a used eye pad," he said, eyes full of that "I found a really bad dad joke" delight.

.....

.....Bless my dad's soul.