Why arenโ€™t there any running jokes about snakes?

Maybe because it doesnโ€™t have legs.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/gone__boi
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
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What did the sheep, idiot, and snake say when the dad told a joke?

Ba dum, tsss

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Sonicxwwe
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
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Did you hear the joke about the snake?

Itโ€™s actually a long tale/tail.

-I donโ€™t know how puns work in written form.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/curefortheruns
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
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Including snakes in your joke always makes it better

At the very least it adds more scale

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/King-of-the-Snekes
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 25 2019
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A snake walks into a bar...

Bar tender goes, howโ€™d you do that?

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Fahimifire
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
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A snake walked into a bar

The bartender said โ€œhow did you do that?โ€

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ollieb4
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
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My daughterโ€™s first joke

Knock knock.

Whoโ€™s there?

A snake with a sore head!

(Because he has no arms)

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/geoswede
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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A sheep, a drum, and a snake fall off a cliff...

โ€œBa-dumm-Tsssโ€

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/streety22
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 08 2020
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Snakes ๐Ÿ
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Bongnazi
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 14 2018
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So a snake walks in to a bar

The bartender says, "How'd you do that?"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/X-pertNinja
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 31 2017
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What do you call a snake thats 3.14 meters long?

A ฯ€thon

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Cat_of_death
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 30 2017
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What kind of shoes do frogs wear?

Open toad

Edit- got this off the back of a cereal box but damn love raking in this new text post juicy karma.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Driddle07
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 21 2016
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At the zoo i said a mildly innapropriate Dad Joke to my wife and 12 year old son.

The zoo tour guide told us that one of the snakes was sick. I blurted out "he must have a reptile dysfunction".

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/aceoftrachs
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 19 2014
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Longest pun in the world: 10,784 words. 55,996 characters. longestjokeintheworld.comโ€ฆ
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/knestleknox
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 14 2016
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Willie Lump Lump and the Mongoose

Many years ago, ย Red Skelton ย told the following joke using his inebriate character, Willie Lump Lump.

Willie explained to the young lady, โ€œI keep a mongoose in my coat pocket. ย  That way, when I go home after drinking, and there are snakes all over the lawn of my yard, I let the mongoose loose and he kills them all, so itโ€™s safe for me to enter the house.โ€

The young woman sadly tried to explain, โ€œIโ€™ve got news for you, Mr. Lump Lump, those snakes are imaginary!โ€

Willie Lump Lump replied, โ€œIโ€™ve got news for ย you, so is the mongoose!โ€

http://red-skelton.info/articles/jokes/willie-lump-lump-and-the-mongoose/

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/tfraymond
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 05 2019
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My uncle is something else

So my uncle picked me up from my boyfriends after work tonight, and asked how my day went. I explained to him that there was a snake and one of the dogs I take care of was protecting me and trying to warn me about said snake. This is how everything went down:

Uncle: it was probably a gopher snake.

Me: very true. We had a lot of them in Texas so Iโ€™m not too worried.

Uncle: you know, thatโ€™s how you ask for it.

Me: what do you mean?

Uncle: when you ask for something to eat you say โ€˜I could GO-PHER snake right about nowโ€™.

Needless to say we finished the ride with more horrid dad jokes.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/yjohnson259
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
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[Request] Snake Puns For Game

I'm making a video game involving snakes and I'd like a random snake pun/joke to appear on each loading screen. Help Plz! I'll credit r/puns in the game.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/BloodyPommelStudio
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 21 2017
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Story time!

A baker and his wife had a child. A lovely, healthy boy. Since the wife was mad about history, she wanted to give the boy a name suitable for a man destined for great things. Jokes were made, names proposed, but in the end the decision was made - they named the boy Attila.

Attila showed great potential from an early age - he excelled at sports, grew strong, but his other capabilities were astonishing as well. He learned and went through encyclopedias like a fire through forests. Surely enough, he was bound to become a great man some day.

Apart from being an exceptional young man, he loved animals as well. He was kind and compassionate, equally cherishing all forms of life. Since his parents loved him so much, they bought him all he ever wanted - but he did not ask for much, he was never greedy.

Growing up, he has received many animals as pets - there were cats, dogs, hamsters and even exotic animals - tarantulas, snakes, scorpions, you name it.

Their home became a sort of an animal sanctuary, and Attila took care of all animals with love and passion. But, the family business was starting to suffer when his father the baker got ill.

Being the amazing young man he was, Attila stepped up and started learning secrets of the trade - he started baking like no one else.

But, since he devoted his time to the bakery, the animals were starting to be neglected. He tried feeding them, petting them, but nothing helped.

Slowly, one by one the animals passed away leaving behind only the most resistant ones - the snake and a few spiders.

The spiders were easy to take care of, but the snake wouldn't eat, no matter what. Saddened, Attila came to his mother and asked for advice as he was all out of ideas. Of course, being the caring mother she always was, she passed on her knowledge to Attila:

"This anaconda don't want none, unless you got buns, Hun."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/DeviantClam
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 13 2016
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Puns for Kids

The funniest and shortest puns for kids, you always remember while teaching children puns, try to choose the short ones because they are easy for them to remember and register.

Puns for Kids

Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!


What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon!


Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.


What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court room? Odor in the court!


Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.


Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.


The streets in the capital of Afghanistan are paved with Kabulstones.


How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? Pleased to eat you.


What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? An egg roll!


No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.


Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasnโ€™t chicken!


What musical is about a train conductor? โ€œMy Fare, Ladyโ€.


A man drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.


What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.


What animals are on legal documents? Seals!


Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny!


Why did the bumble bee leave the house? It heard the school was having a spelling bee.


Being struck by lightning is really a shocking experience!


How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans!


Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!


Dockyard: A physicianโ€™s garden.


What did the angry mother say to the boiling pot of spaghetti? Simmer down!


The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.


โ€œWhatโ€™s purple and 5000 miles long?โ€ โ€œOoh! I know! The Grape Wall of China!โ€


Every calendarโ€™s days are numbered.


This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. โ€œFour bucks,โ€ says the bartender. โ€œPut it on my bill.โ€


I used to be twins. My mother has a picture of me when I was two.


What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch!


When does a well-dressed lion look like a weed? When heโ€™s a dandelion (dandy lion).


Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a-salted.


A bicycle canโ€™t stand on its own because it is

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Punsville
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 25 2017
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Collection of dadness

I am not a dad at the moment, but I've learned the art of pretty clever puns in college. Some are mine, some are spins on inspirations, others are more on the joke side of dad.

What does a radioactive cat have?
18 half-lives

Ventriloquists are like psychiatrists, they both talk through things.

What is my vision?
To make the world 10% better?
No, it's about 20/20...

The invention of the shovel was truly a groundbreaking discovery.

Dad: I invested in some uranium, but I lost money.
Friend: What happened?
Dad: The Profit decayed.

We have received a report of a hole being discovered in the ground, our investigative team is looking into it.

There was an explosion at a local film manufacturing company, the story is still developing as we speak.

A local theater put together an act about jokes.
It was a play on words

Sรธ, I hรชรกrd yรถลซ lรฌkรซ fรถrรฉigรฑ aรงฤ‡ฤ“ล„tลก

As an airline mechanic would say, the job has lots of ups and downs.

My New Years resolution will probably be 25 megapixels, or 4K, not sure yet...

There was a river in Egypt no one believed existed, it was known locally as De-Nile.

Dad-Epitaph:
I thought I'd never live to see this day come.

There are two things that are guaranteed to open doors in life.
Push and Pull!

(How to keep an idiot in suspense)
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

A man builds robotic snakes for a living, I guess you could say he was a... python programmer!

A researcher's obsession with mixing stone, sand, lime, and water has yielded concrete results.

A madman once attacked a rider on his horse.
The rider had to goto hospital, the horse remains in stable condition.

A man bought a paper shop, it blew away in the wind last night.

Science is all about learning the rules, setting off an absurd amount of explosives, and then writing down what happened.

It has recently been discovered that scientific research causes cancer in rats.

Dad: Did you pick up your room?
Kid: No, I tried but it's too heavy.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/techtornado
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 13 2018
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Got my wife twice

She made some comment about thinking about snakes right before bed (she hates snakes).

Me: "But you speak Parsel Tongue"

Her: "No I don't!"

Me: Sure, I've seen you talk to the UPS guy

Her: (groan)

A few minutes later she stated singing (to the tune of "Bad Boys")

"Dad joke, dad joke

Whacha gonna do?

Whacha gonna do....

Uhhh"

Me: "When we pun for you!"

I don't think she's talking to me anymore tonight.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/SgtBrowncoat
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 10 2015
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The importance of scales.

My mom's boyfriend and I were talking about weighing the new kittens and I walked into a joke.

Him: Put her on the weighing scale.

Me: What do scales do besides weighing things?

Him: Protect lizards and snakes..

Me: ...

Him: And make fish pretty.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ohhoneyno_
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 18 2015
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What do you call a snake that's 3.14 meters long?

A ฯ€thon

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/nickyno
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 14 2017
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