Waiter: “How do you like your steak, sir”?
Sir: “Like winning an argument with my wife”.
Waiter “Rare it is!”.
Guy tries to board a plane with a dead racoon. The flight attendant says, "sir, you're going to have to check that"
"Don't worry," he replies, "It's carrion."
Doctor: Sorry sir but your body has ran out of Magnesium
Plant Got Back - Sir Mix-a-lot
I was sitting in a restaurant when the waitress walked up and asked how did you find your steak sir?
I said I looked at the mashed potatoes and the steak was right next to them.
I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, “I don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”
I told him, “I don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”
Banker: sir, why is your land deed covered in... grease???
Ordering KFC, and I ask for a chicken wing. Cashier asks, “ok sir, and which side?”
I replied I had never thought about it before, but I suppose I’ll take the right side.
Cashier: “sir, I meant mashed potatoes, corn, or beans.”
Doctor: “Sir, I have some bad news, I’m afraid your DNA is backwards”
Sir, I'm afraid your DNA is corrupted.
Man walks into a shop and picks up a can of bug spray
The man asks "is this good for wasps?"
The cashier says "no sir, it kills them"
Magical Creatures Rights Activist: Sir, are you aware of how wizards and witches deal with Boggarts?
Daughters boyfriend introduced himself to me he said "Hi sir I'm david, nice to meet you".
He put out his hand and I said "David are you nervous?" He said no so I grabbed his hand looked him in the eyes and said "then why are you shaking?"
A waiter asks the "How did you find your steak, Sir?"
Me: I just looked next to the mash potatoes and there it was!
Source: tedthestoner2.0.
Doc: "Sir, you've caught a very rare disease. "
Me: "How rare?"
Doc: "You pick the name.
Cashier: Sir can I have your card again?
Me: its a sweater and no you can't have it.
Some say it’s sad that so many kids are shuffled through foster care.
Others might call it reWARDing.
I know. I’m sorry.
If your name is Foster you're probably an orphan.
Because your parents are Foster parents.
The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
Once, when working in a store, a man dressed as a a wizard approached the counter...
He said "Do I get any money off for having this big stick?"
I said "No sir, we don't offer staff discount".
Hey Sir, police jokes aren’t funny!
My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives
I replied, no, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine.
Did you read about the new group that was created to foster dialogue between Wiccans and Jehovah’s Witnesses?
It’s called the Witch Tower Society.
I went to the beekeeper to get 12 bees. He counted and gave me 13. "Sir, you gave me an extra."
What did king Arthur say to sir Lancelot?
Lance is an uncommon name nowdays
But in mediaeval times people were called lance a lot
A vulture was boarding a plane and he brought with him a dead racoon. The flight attendant, mortified by the sight and stench, pointed at the carcass and asked "Sir why did you bring a dead racoon with you."
The vulture said. "Oh this? This is my carrion luggage."
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
I never understood the invention of circles
Officer: Sir, why are you carrying pillows?
Because I’m resisting a rest.
I was checking out at the grocery store today and the bagger was holding my stuff over the shopping cart and asked: “sir, would you like to go out with the cart?”. To which I replied “oh, no thanks I’m actually married”. My poor son looked mortified. Dad joke status ACHIEVED.
A photon checks into a hotel. "Need any help with your luggage sir?" asks the porter.
"No thanks " replies the photon. "I am travelling light."
Man #1: "Sir, would you like a pamphlet about our organization?
Waitress: "Are you finished sir?"
Dad: "No, I'm actually Norwegian. So close though, you're pretty good at that!"
As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said...
"You know, one would have been enough."
What is the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
One is heavy one is a little lighter.
"What’s your name, son?"
The principal asked his student. The kid replied, "D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir."
"Do you have a stutter?" the principal asked.
The student answered, "No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk."
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
I’ll see myself out.
One night I got pulled over. The cop walked up to my window and said “do you have a police record, sir?” I said:
Why did Dwayne Johnson’s family get tested for covid?
They couldn’t smell what the rock was cooking
A drunk dude decided to drive and get more beer. After being pulled over and questioned by the cop, the cop said “ sir I’m going to have to put you under arrest.” The guy then said
Personally, I don't believe in bros before hoes, or hoes before bros.
There needs to be a balance.
A homie-hoe-stasis, if you will.
Waitress: How did you find your steak Sir?
I just looked next to the potatoes and there it was.
How did you find your steak, sir?
Right next to the potatoes.
The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
I went to a beekeeper to get 12 bees.He counted and gave me 13.
"Sir, you gave me an extra." That's a freebie.
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