Me, to my wife: They said that the Covid vaccines are safe and has no side effects.
My wife: Who did?
Me: Yep.
What happened to the guy whose left side was cut off?
Norway just made the decision to put QR codes on the side of all its war ships.
Now they can Scandinavian!
I was supposed to park on the east side of the lot...
...but I occidentally parked on the west
My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side
Without anything to secure it, and unbeknownst to the driver, the trailer careened off the side of the road
It went off without a hitch
I developed a successful chicken social network app to earn some money on the side.
I did it to make hens meet.
What did they call the London clock tower after it started leaning off to the side?
Do you think rowers have a favorite side to row on?
Or is it an either oar situation?
What did the right side of my head say to the left?
I couldn't decide on which side of the road I wanted to use my loom. On the northbound side the southbound side looked better. And upon crossing to the southbound side, the northbound side looked better. The cops soon arrested me for operating under the influence.
They said I was weaving all over the road.
I have a weird side-effect from Covid; it makes me want to grope an ethnic Belgian dwarf...
...I'm feeling a little Flemish. cough
I had an idea at work to make headphones that have two right sides
They said it would be all right
I saw my ex girlfriend standing on the opposite side of the museum hall, and I was too self conscious to say hello.
There was so much history between us.
I found a sack on the side of the road. I reached inside to see if I could figure out who it belonged to. I think it belonged to Santa.
When you see birds flying in a “v” shape, you’ll see more birds on one side than the other. Want to know why?
It’s because there are more birds on that side.
... I’ll see myself out.
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.
That was the highlight of my day.
He wood've turned out great too, had he not turned to the other side
Did you hear about the Lego piece that was 323 feet to a side? It was a huge tourist draw...
People were lined up around the block.
A comedian would do a set, each show, where he sprinted to either side of the stage with his mouth tied up.
Never go to a doctor who does standup comedy on the side.
He'll leave you in stitches.
Wouldn't it have been amazing if John Lennon had invented that device that you put in your front door to secretly see who's on the other side.
I mean, imagine all the peepholes.
Juan Vega, the clam diver, found an injured sea otter and nursed it back to health. From the moment the grateful otter was able to walk, it never left Juan's side. It even learned to dig for clams...
One day, a man went to Juan's house looking to hire him for a week.
His wife answered the door.
"Sure..." his wife said. "It will cost you $500."
"That much?"
"But you're getting my husband and his otter. They bring up more clams than anyone else in town."
"I just want Juan. I'll hire him alone for $350." the man countered.
"Sorry..." she shrugged. "You can't have Juan without the otter."
A friend of mine had a surgery to cut off his left side
Instead of going to the beach, many mathematicians are dividing the opposite side of a right triangle over the adjacent side
They say it's a better way to get a tan.
Murray Christmas Everyone!!! (Side note- I don't take credit for this, but it's too great not to share)
There are 4 sides to my brother’s personality.
That being said, the guy is pretty square.
Here is a song dedicated to all them dads such inside resisting their wild side.
Did you ever notice when geese fly in a 'V', one side is longer? Want to know why?
There's more geese on that side.
What did the meager bratwurst say to the superior side of roast beef?
What am I - chopped liver??
What’s the best side of a lion to be on?
I recently moved in with my rich dad to his house on the French country side. I’m afraid I’ll never be as successful as him and buy my own place.
I guess I’ll always live in my fathers chateau.
A cowboy and a Mexican were walking side-by-side by a beach in Mexico. The Cowboy asked to the Mexican if the Gulf of Mexico was an ocean.
"Sea, Señor," replied the Mexican.
I would like to thank my arms for always being at my side, my legs for supporting me, and my fingers because i could count on them
An unsatisfied chicken lays in bed smoking a cigarette next to an egg that rolls to its side embarrassed
Chicken: Well I guess we solved that riddle
Man walks into a butcher store and sees a side of beef strapped to the ceiling. As he approaches the counter he asked asks “Hey, what’s with the beef?”
Butcher tells him if he can jump up and touch it, he gets half off his purchase. If not, he pays double. The man looks up at the beef and says,
“Nah. The steaks are too high.”
A student decided not to copy anything written on the left side of the board.
I guess you could say he had a copyright strike.
Han Solo was very depressed when his son went to the dark side. All his friends were wondering. . .
What did the east side of the globe say to the rude north side
Hey, watch your latitude!
I used to make extra money by selling illegal tennis equipment on the side, but I was approached by some thugs who told me to stop.
I guess they control the Tennis Racket around here.
My wife pointed to a dent on the side of the plane and said, “Should we be worried?”
I said, “No. It’s just an....Airline fracture.”
My wife asked me to get in touch with my more feminine side
My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side
So I crashed the car and didn't talk to her all day for no reason.
My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side
My wife wants me to embrace my feminine side
Wouldn't it have been amazing if John Lennon had invented that device that you put in your front door to secretly see who's on the other side?
I mean, imagine all the peepholes!
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
