Me, to my wife: They said that the Covid vaccines are safe and has no side effects.

My wife: Who did?

Me: Yep.

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What happened to the guy whose left side was cut off?

He is alright now

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rohan20201234
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Norway just made the decision to put QR codes on the side of all its war ships.

Now they can Scandinavian!

πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ValkornDoA
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I was supposed to park on the east side of the lot...

...but I occidentally parked on the west

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BiochemBeer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side

So I crashed my car

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Without anything to secure it, and unbeknownst to the driver, the trailer careened off the side of the road

It went off without a hitch

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jeromocles
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I developed a successful chicken social network app to earn some money on the side.

I did it to make hens meet.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yoav-bam
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
What did they call the London clock tower after it started leaning off to the side?

Big Ben Dover.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MGreenMN
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you think rowers have a favorite side to row on?

Or is it an either oar situation?

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/faux_real_yo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the right side of my head say to the left?

Comb over and hang out

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/uneeq33
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I couldn't decide on which side of the road I wanted to use my loom. On the northbound side the southbound side looked better. And upon crossing to the southbound side, the northbound side looked better. The cops soon arrested me for operating under the influence.

They said I was weaving all over the road.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I have a weird side-effect from Covid; it makes me want to grope an ethnic Belgian dwarf...

...I'm feeling a little Flemish.Β Β  cough

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I had an idea at work to make headphones that have two right sides

They said it would be all right

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/duffle_boi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw my ex girlfriend standing on the opposite side of the museum hall, and I was too self conscious to say hello.

There was so much history between us.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I found a sack on the side of the road. I reached inside to see if I could figure out who it belonged to. I think it belonged to Santa.

I felt his presents.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rlchv70
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
🚨︎ report
When you see birds flying in a β€œv” shape, you’ll see more birds on one side than the other. Want to know why?

It’s because there are more birds on that side.

... I’ll see myself out.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/toasterpoodle
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
🚨︎ report
The judge in our divorce ordered me to give my wife one side of the house /r/funny/comments/hsck8b/…
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/daakadence
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.

That was the highlight of my day.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PrisonMike1111
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
🚨︎ report
He wood've turned out great too, had he not turned to the other side
πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/i_like_miniwheats
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the Lego piece that was 323 feet to a side? It was a huge tourist draw...

People were lined up around the block.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
🚨︎ report
A comedian would do a set, each show, where he sprinted to either side of the stage with his mouth tied up.

It was a running gag.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Peteman22
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Never go to a doctor who does standup comedy on the side.

He'll leave you in stitches.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/prendrefeu
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Welcome to the Dark Side
πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/YoungAnimater35
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Wouldn't it have been amazing if John Lennon had invented that device that you put in your front door to secretly see who's on the other side.

I mean, imagine all the peepholes.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Juan Vega, the clam diver, found an injured sea otter and nursed it back to health. From the moment the grateful otter was able to walk, it never left Juan's side. It even learned to dig for clams...

One day, a man went to Juan's house looking to hire him for a week.

His wife answered the door.

"Sure..." his wife said. "It will cost you $500."

"That much?"

"But you're getting my husband and his otter. They bring up more clams than anyone else in town."

"I just want Juan. I'll hire him alone for $350." the man countered.

"Sorry..." she shrugged. "You can't have Juan without the otter."

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
🚨︎ report
A friend of mine had a surgery to cut off his left side

He’s alright now!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Wapoosh_a_Kill
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Instead of going to the beach, many mathematicians are dividing the opposite side of a right triangle over the adjacent side

They say it's a better way to get a tan.

πŸ‘︎ 77
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CyborgNumber42
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Murray Christmas Everyone!!! (Side note- I don't take credit for this, but it's too great not to share)
πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tchskippy25
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2019
🚨︎ report
There are 4 sides to my brother’s personality.

That being said, the guy is pretty square.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SteadyingRuck
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Here is a song dedicated to all them dads such inside resisting their wild side.
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/phildog2000
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you ever notice when geese fly in a 'V', one side is longer? Want to know why?

There's more geese on that side.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kpcent
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the meager bratwurst say to the superior side of roast beef?

What am I - chopped liver??

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bullhead20
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s the best side of a lion to be on?

The outside

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notaninfringement
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I recently moved in with my rich dad to his house on the French country side. I’m afraid I’ll never be as successful as him and buy my own place.

I guess I’ll always live in my fathers chateau.

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lukiiiiii
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
🚨︎ report
A cowboy and a Mexican were walking side-by-side by a beach in Mexico. The Cowboy asked to the Mexican if the Gulf of Mexico was an ocean.

"Sea, SeΓ±or," replied the Mexican.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FlumeHound9
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I would like to thank my arms for always being at my side, my legs for supporting me, and my fingers because i could count on them
πŸ‘︎ 184
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/InfinityTheW0lf
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2019
🚨︎ report
An unsatisfied chicken lays in bed smoking a cigarette next to an egg that rolls to its side embarrassed

Chicken: Well I guess we solved that riddle

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RKO-Cutter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Man walks into a butcher store and sees a side of beef strapped to the ceiling. As he approaches the counter he asked asks β€œHey, what’s with the beef?”

Butcher tells him if he can jump up and touch it, he gets half off his purchase. If not, he pays double. The man looks up at the beef and says,

β€œNah. The steaks are too high.”

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tkl15
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
A student decided not to copy anything written on the left side of the board.

I guess you could say he had a copyright strike.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/UrMamFat
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Han Solo was very depressed when his son went to the dark side. All his friends were wondering. . .

Why’s Han so low?

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the east side of the globe say to the rude north side

Hey, watch your latitude!

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AHotPocket3141
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
🚨︎ report
I used to make extra money by selling illegal tennis equipment on the side, but I was approached by some thugs who told me to stop.

I guess they control the Tennis Racket around here.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife pointed to a dent on the side of the plane and said, β€œShould we be worried?”

I said, β€œNo. It’s just an....Airline fracture.”

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me to get in touch with my more feminine side

So I crashed the car

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CoinMosquito703
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side

So I crashed the car and didn't talk to her all day for no reason.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Roland_248
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side

So I crashed the car

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Moony-7
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife wants me to embrace my feminine side

So I crashed the car

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chaotic_psychotic
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Wouldn't it have been amazing if John Lennon had invented that device that you put in your front door to secretly see who's on the other side?

I mean, imagine all the peepholes!

πŸ‘︎ 205
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2019
🚨︎ report

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