Why are bathroom faucets so goddamn short? It can't be that much of an issue to add two or three inches to the faucet so you can put your hands in the middle of the bowl instead of up against the back wall.
I suppose I should mention that this happened in Ireland. Maybe that’s all I can tell you with absolute certainty. If you asked me now, I couldn’t even tell you what part of the city it was in, let alone the full address of the block. But I lived there for a short time, it exists in some sense at least, I know that much. I haven’t lost my marbles. I’m writing this from an internet café. I wanted to tell someone before I forgot, like the memory is somehow already becoming hazy or fading away. Like they are making me forget somehow.
The rent wasn’t suspiciously cheap, twenty or twenty-five percent below market rate. Not enough to raise a massive red flag but given the current housing market in [Redacted] maybe I should have been more cautious. But I couldn’t afford the luxury of caution, I needed a place urgently. My old landlord was kicking me out to ‘renovate’ the place, a loophole used to hike the rent higher than rent controls allowed for a new tenant. Unlike many people I didn’t have family or friends I could go live with. If I didn’t take this apartment I’d be out on the streets or in a shelter. I’d spent enough time in shelters and foster homes growing up. I’d never go back to that, ever. I’d worked hard to get educated, get a good job, crawled out of the gutter, I wasn’t crawling back in for anything or anyone, or so I thought.
I moved in two or so weeks ago. Physically the place was in perfect condition, a big upgrade on my old place. It was an old brick factory that had been gutted and renovated. The complex was pretty big, ten floors, I was on the seventh. Maybe a hundred apartments arranged in a square block with a common garden area at the center with a fountain. Unusually utilities were included in the price too, light, heat, broadband…I guess that last one should have raised my suspicions. But as I said, I was desperate.
I’d been working from home for most of the pandemic anyway so the change of location didn’t make much difference. The first week I didn’t really notice anything much a miss, other than the place was eerily quiet. No screaming babies, no loud house parties, for the size of the block I saw about one or two other people in the soft carpeted hallways on any given day. I was too busy finishing up some contract work before Christmas to notice much of anything, until two nights ago.
I was working late at my laptop when the lights flickered and went out. The only source of illumination now came from the glow of the l
... keep reading on reddit ➡I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
The nurse asked the rabbit, “what is your blood type?”
“I am probably a type O” said the rabbit.
The doctor says it terminal.
Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.
THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB
Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"
I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual
So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes
r/unclejokes for dirty jokes
r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC
r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes
Punchline !
Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub
Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat
Do your worst!
How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?
We told her she can lean on us for support. Although, we are going to have to change her driver's license, her height is going down by a foot. I don't want to go too far out on a limb here but it better not be a hack job.
Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.
But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.
They were cooked in Greece.
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
He lost May
Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.
Said if she ever hosts a gender reveal party, when it comes time to pop the balloon she'll spray everyone with water.
Gender is fluid.
Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"
Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"
Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
But let me give it a shot.
And now I’m cannelloni
Because she wanted to see the task manager.
He’s the new temp.
And boy are my arms legs.
But that’s comparing apples to oranges
Amy
Put it on my bill
Heard they've been doing some shady business.
but then I remembered it was ground this morning.
Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale
Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments
They’re on standbi
A play on words.
Calcium, nickel, neon
My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.
Pilot on me!!
