He’d laugh and say, “Son, you’re grounded.”
I really start to feel the pressure.
Oooohm
because he was a bad conductor.
Her: Are you okay?
Me: Yeah. It just Hertz a little.
You could say I'm ecstatic
I was shocked to find out it was an electric fence
They gave me another one. Free of charge.
I bought a T-Shirt the other day but it kept giving me static electric shocks every time I tried to wear it.
I took it back to the store and they kindly replaced it with another one free of charge.
If your onion sang hip-hop, would that be a rapscallion?
I used to be an astronaut, but I got tired of eating out of satellite dishes. I wasn't allowed to eat the Milky Way, even though I had to look at it every day. The worst thing was, I never got to visit The Space Bar. Then, when I was visiting the dark side of the moon, I was bitten by a parasite. Now, you might think it's crazy, but the doctor who removed it called it a lunar-tick.
If "womb" is pronounced "woom" and "tomb" is pronounced "toom", shouldn't "bomb" be pronounced "boom"?
China recently tested a new steroid. It basically turns you into The Hulk. The side effect is it could turn you into a crazed zombie that tends to rip the upper extremities from people. People are saying that this could be the zombie apocalypse. In my opinion, lips have nothing to do with it. I call it ARMageddon. The only way to stay safe now is to not let anyone close enough to disarm you.
I recently was going to join the railroad union. I decided against it because it's complicated. If I received instruction on driving the locomotive, would they call it engineering, or training?
I got a sad story about a flower. I don't know who the heck she pissed off, but damn, now she's a Black-Eyed Susan.
I finally figured out what makes leaves angry. Fall. They get so mad they change color. Some are yellow. They're just afraid and run from their problems. The other ones usually just leave.
I went parachuting with my military buddies once. We landed on a department store. I told him I think we're at the wrong coordinates. He said: "Nope. We're right on Target"
I asked a psychologist if Native Americans have strong emotions. He said "Oh yeah, they're intense".
If a psychotic person thought something made sense, would that thought be psychological?
If Matt Damon were searching for a secondhand store, would he be Goodwill Hunting?
My friend is a Marksman for the military. One day, he went to the armory and asked for 3 snipers. They gave him a candy bar. It was a 3 Musketeers.
I want to be there if Dwayne Johnson ever uses a pizza stone. That way I can smell what "The Rock" is cookin'.
Christopher bought a lemon, and the car broke down. Now Christopher Walken.
Have you heard about the latest bank battle on Wall Street? Capital One and Chase got in a fight and Capital One.
You know what a pirate says to his wenches when he sees the shoreline? "LAND HO!"
A man finds a lamp in the desert and dusts it off. Poof! A genie p
... keep reading on reddit ➡My buddy and I were texting a few days ago. He was complaining about the power at his place being out again (relevant, he’s lost power a few times already this winter season). Our exchange went like this:
Him: How about electricity? Wind storm knocked ours out around noon.
Me: No electricity? That’s not shocking.
I couldn’t help myself.
It is a shocking discovery
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Electricity
http://scienceline.ucsb.edu/getkey.php?key=4026
I'm a nanny, the family I work for typically hang out for 10-30 minutes before the parents leave me and baby alone, just to chat and catch up, as well as to mitigate any potential meltdowns from a sudden leaving.
Anyway, Baby has started walking and is very keen to investigate everything. Yesterday he was headed straight to the electrical outlet. So I said to him, "oh no that's not a toy! Our fingers don't go there,"
Dad says, "baby disagrees"
"That's shocking."
Dad, "That's better than any dad joke I've come up with"
It really grinds my gears when people say stick-shift is obsolete.
Most people like their music bass-boosted, but it seems like too much treble.
When an astronaut drinks tea, he takes a big space-sip.
The best electricity puns are live wires. Coppers really don’t know how to resist these in a coil. If you make enough of this type of pun you can really blow their fuses. You need to be smart about how you conduct these so you don’t overload your capacitors.
The only kind of rap I like is the wrapping paper on gifts.
Scissors always cut to the point.
Airplane puns always fly overhead. You have to be careful so you don’t stall out. Always use better judgement so you nose how to dive. When used correctly, this pun classification can really propel to infinity and beyond. However, if misused, the fall from grace is full of turbulence.
When working with electricity puns always make sure to be grounded to prevent shocking results.
Mr. Tea says, ”Don’t be a fool, stay in school!”
i c e i c e w a t e r
Architecture is an aspiring career path.
‘Pun’ puns don’t add up. The are starting to get negative receptions.
I’ll do algebra. I’ll even do calculus. But graphing is where I draw the line.
Plants should always rooted in the ground.
Never argue with people when they are right or nobody will be left hanging out with you.
Rocks make boulder moves. This means they are pelite and not jagged. Don’t take these puns for granite.
Cheese puns are grate because you don’t have to ask for parmesan to use them.
Eskimos have cold personality. It is an ice society, but some of their history chills my spine.
My dog died a few years ago. It was really ruff.
I am not a fan of wind turbines.
Life is like driftwood. You never know where you will float.
Christmas lights stick together. When one goes out, they all do.
Puns about communism are only funny if everyone gets them.
Rocket scientists cannot fuel around or something bad can happen.
A baker is someone who kneads to make baked goods.
I sometimes wear stripes to avoid being spotted.
Sponges are great at absorbing liquids.
Contrary to the name, relationships have nothing to do with boats.
There was a train operator who had a really bad temper. Nobody liked him. He would always bark at people and be aggressive towards them. One day an 18 year old girl tried to get on his train near its departure time, but being the man he was, he started moving the train, she fell under it and died. The man was immediately hauled off to court where he was sentenced to desth by electric chair. So they strapped him in and pressed the switch, but nothing happend. Baffled, they let him go. The operator thought long and hard about his actions and decided to improve his life. So when an old woman tried to get on his train near the departure time and seeing her, he waited for her to get on. Unfortunately she tripped, fell, and died. He was hauled off to court again and due to his past reputation, he was sentenced to death by electric chair again. This time when they pulled the switch he was shocked and he died.
Why did it work this time, but not the first time? The first time he was a bad conductor, but the second time he was a good conductor.
My friend asked this on her wall on facebook.
Anyone else suffering from electricity shortage?
Dad: Nope. That would be shocking! Or revolting.
Me: Ohmm...These puns are so ampty..needs to be more electrifying
Dad: OP, Watt??
Dad: The puns are the current thing.
Me: I hope nobody breaks the circuit of these puns.
Dad: Wire you worried about that? They'll just socket to ya!
Me: This is such a Polarity moment. Say Cheese, Brofs SPARK
Dad: Don't be negative. Try alternating. It's not terminal.
Me: You have bested me, You win. #dadjokes too good
The Dad is strong, too strong.
I am but a lowly fiance and my humor undeveloped. I require your help in the way of PUNishment for my fiancee who informed me that she had an incident with electricity whilst changing a car battery whilst I was at work... How shocking
I was shocked!
So true story, I rewired an electric chain hoist at work today, and I followed the Wire diagram as it was laid out. But when I went to try it, I got a nasty shock. Turns out a customer had tried to rewire it themselves and swapped the ground and the live wire in the controller... mean practical joke? I don't know. But it woke me up!
I was demonstrating for a physics lab today and we were doing an electricity experiment, building circuits and measuring voltage and current with various configurations of resistors.
One pair asked me to look at their results so I picked up the paper and started to shake my head with a scowl on my face.
Girl: What is it? What's wrong?
Me: It's these results.... they're shocking...
After a second of being genuinely worried, they realised I was laughing and looked at me angrily.
Guy: That was terrible.
Me: Sorry, I just couldn't resist.
Cue Groans
My dad at the doctor after experiencing a severe electric shock at work.
Doctor: Have you ever smoked?
Dad: No, doctor.
Doctor: I bet you did then.
So a group of guys come into the shop, in various costumes. One of them is wearing a dressing gown and holding a fork and disconnected plug socket thingy.
I asked him what he was, and he said he was a child that stuck a fork in an electrical socket. He was annoyed that nobody could guess it, so I replied:
"I know, it must've been pretty shocking for you."
My colleague sent me to stock out after that.
I currently work in a deli and a coworker and I were doing some deep cleaning behind our fryers. We noticed a bit of grease build up on the electrical plugs. She unplugged them and I mentioned I wonder if grease conducts electricity. She blurted out, "It would shock me if it did."
Me: Did you hear that electricity story on the news??? Wife: No, what happened? Me: People said that it was SHOCKING!
(Wife proceeds to make a gun to her face motion with her hands)
