The Paper Tiger finally arrives in MAGA space and is COMPLETELY unnoticed by the Terrans.
The rest of the series can be found here
***
“All hands stand by for re-entry to normal space,” T’sunk’al said nonchalantly. Considering the risks of this jump, that was quite the accomplishment (or further proof of his insanity).
“I don’t know about ‘normal’,” Sheila scoffed as she strapped herself in.
“Hey, be nice!” Jessie drawled as she hopped into her station on the bridge.
“Jessie,” Sheila faux-snarled, “I fucking warned you about that!”
“Sorry, ma’am!” Jessie bubbled as she strapped in.
A few moments later, T’sunk’al announced, “Re-entry in 3… 2… 1… Jump!”
The entire ship lurched rearward sharply throwing everyone forward in their seats.
“Well, that was suboptimal,” T’sunk’al said as he rapidly pulled up status displays and initiated diagnostics, “Could have gone worse, though.”
“An actual rough jump?” Sheila smirked, “Are you slipping?”
“Considering what he just did,” Gloria chuckled, “We’re lucky we got here at all. Do you have any idea how hard a jump that was? The navcomp had a fit!”
“Yeah,” Bunny said happily, “I had to shut it up. ‘We’re gonna die! We’re gonna diiiiiiie!’,” she laughed. “What a drama queen.”
“Did it actually...” Sheila asked.
“Of course not!” Bunny snickered, “It’s just a stupid machine. Everybody knows we are incapable of that sort of shit.”
“Surrre you are,” Sheila chuckled.
“Now that is remarkable...” T’sunk’al said as he looked at the main screen.
On it was a gigantic ice asteroid…
That had been lovingly carved into a giant human head. It’s noble visage looked over the void like a guardian angel, its rugged meaty features a beatific image of all that was noble about mankind.
“Now that’s an idol,” Sheloran said in awe.
“Behold!” Jessie beamed, “The Great Trump!, the largest sculpture in the Republic, perhaps anywhere! One of the wonders of the modern galaxy… or it would be if anyone actually had the balls to come out here… Pretty cool, huh?”
“Well, it is made of ice,” T’sunk’al said in a completely flat deadpan voice. Only a slight ripple of his remaining eyestalks indicated humor.
“There’s a whole city in there!” Jessie exclaimed. “The Trump Freedom Port is awesome! They have museums, shops, rides...”
“Rides?” Sheloran asked.
“It’s a fucking theme park,” Sheila snickered, “it’s an inbred creationist version of Luna World.”
... keep reading on reddit ➡Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals. We're back from the holiday weekend, so here’s hoping everyone has a nice time celebrating or completely ignoring the holiday however you saw fit.
So far this season, we’ve talked about Carl Crawford, Justin Morneau, Jake Peavy and Big Time Timmy Jim. We move on now to our third straight pitcher, except this one is coming out of the bullpen. That’s right, it’s time for…
Jonathan Papelbon
Bill James Hall of Fame Monitor: 80
Career bWAR: 23.3 (12 Seasons)
Stats: 41-36, 368 Saves, 808 K, 725.2 IP, 2.44 ERA, 1.043 WHIP, 177 ERA+
League Leading Stats: Games Finished (64, 2012)
Awards: All-Star x6 (2006-09, 2012, 2015), Babe Ruth Award (AL, 2007), Delivery Man of the Year (2007), 2007 World Champion
Teams played for: Red Sox (2005-2011), Phillies (2012-15), Senators (2015-16)
Early in Papelbon’s career—back when he was an absolutely dominating, 8 bWAR, 11.2 K/9 beast with the Red Sox—a friend and I tried to get people to start referring to his save situations as “Pap-smears.” It was not an idea that took off.
But what did take off was the career of one Jonathan Robert Papelbon, youngest son of John and Sheila, brother to twins Josh and Jeremy, both of whom were also pitchers, with Jeremy spending time in the Cubs organization.
Papelbon played three years at Mississippi State, where he was the team’s closer. Getting selected by the A’s in the 40th round of their 2002 Moneyball draft along the way, but choosing to stay in college, he graduated in 2003 and the Red Sox took him in the fourth round of that year’s draft.
He would start 45 games over the next two plus seasons in the minors, striking out 299 in 277 innings of work. He was called up in July of 2005 and appeared in 17 games for the Red Sox that year, making three starts, and played those 34 innings to the tune of 1 bWAR and a 173 ERA+.
Papelbon appeared to be a strong enough starting pitching candidate that his career could have gone down a completely different path from 2006 onward, were it not for the fact that Keith Foulke’s joints picked that year to hop on a flaming longboat to Valhalla and depart this earthly realm, leaving the Red Sox in need of a closer.
Now here’s the thing about Papelbon: from a purely sabermetric standpoint, he was pretty much always a highly effective pitcher, but in his first four years in Boston, he was absolutely disgusting. He didn’t just start his career hot. He started it stupid, ridiculou
... keep reading on reddit ➡Chapter 11
Fin'a sat uncomfortably in the makeshift prison with Le’shell and the Sergeant. The Human children still occasionally tried to approach her and her fellows, but were stopped by the new group that had joined them, a group of Females had come with more children to hole up in Chesters cabin. She tried to reel in her disgust at the women cowering with the father and the children while the fighting was going on outside. She reminded herself that males were supposed to be the tougher sex on Earth, but she still couldn't shake the disgust she felt towards them.
"Guys how's it going out there?" Gabriel radioed his kids.
"Stay off the radio unless you're being shot at, please." A frustrated Australian radioed back.
Having the radio was almost worse, Chester thought to himself. Before they could only hear the gunfire and explosions; it was nerve wracking, sure, but it didn't have him nearly as on edge as it did now. Maybe it was because now Jr. was out there. The kid had been avoiding him for the last two days. Chester was ashamed of his cowardliness, but he was confident that if it was a Shil'vati patrol instead of Sarah and her prisoners who came through the door that day that he and his children would have made the right choice.
So the three mothers, two fathers, and the teenage Lauren sat around listening to the radio in silence, occasionally piecing together what was going on. Fin'a got as close as the chain around her wrist let her.
"What's happening Commander?” Le’shell asked hesitantly. On principle she tried to say as little as possible to the Interior agent but after three days of not knowing what was going on she had overcome her fear.
"Philip is leading an Exo to a trap." She interpreted for the private.
"Who's Philip?"
"The leader of the pod with the red coats."
Le'shell expression grew sour remembering the man shooting the wounded girl in the ambush. "Hope it roasts him."
Every now and then some of the men would cheer or one of the women would start to cry at something said over the radio. Fin'a did her best to translate what was being said and the three Shil'vati would have an opposite reaction. It was like listening to a Shilball game that you bet your life on, only the radio announcer wasn't doing her job. The young girl noticed the three talking.
"Hey, what's she saying?" Lauren said, pointing her .22 at Fin'a,
Fin'a raised her chained hands calmingly. "She just wants to know what is going on."
"Tell her my sister just blew
... keep reading on reddit ➡Back in 1966, Private Denny Greene returned from Vietnam to his wife and son a junkie—addicted to heroin thanks to his time in Saigon. He introduced his brother James to the drug, and James carried it off to college, where he gave it to his roommate, Ben Littlejohn.
Ben fought the dragon for ages, managed to maintain a job and a marriage for years until it finally got the better of him. He wound up divorced, broke, and homeless, and the young prostitute he’d been with at his death took his last fix as her first.
The prostitute, Sheila, had a child out of wedlock—named him Mazzy—and Mazzy subsequently grew up in the streets. By the time he was sixteen and had already been living on his own for two years (after seeing his mother OD next to a dumpster in a trash-laden alley), he started dealing for himself. He became known as White Candyman on Chicago’s south side, not only selling to people from the ghetto, but also to an increasing list of white collar types.
One of his customers, a lawyer named William Tiller, moved to Miami in 2010—and of course, he took his habit with him. He eventually wound up in rehab where he met a once attractive woman named Sarah. Sarah had been in and out of rehab since she’d been twelve, but this time she was desperate to get clean. She soon fell for the charms of lawyer William, though, and agreed to ditch rehab with him.
William the lawyer eventually got himself clean—but not Sarah. Once he’d had his fill of her, she wound up back on the streets, selling her body and occasionally some of her dope if she had enough to spare. Eventually, she’d sold some to a young John—a guy named Bret Roper—who’d been a college student at the time. Bret was an entrepreneurial soul, and had also been blessed with a willpower that would allow him to keep his habit in check. So, instead of continuing with college, he took the more profitable route of selling dope to his former classmates, which he did for five years until he got busted in a large sting operation that netted dealers and suppliers up and down the Eastern Seaboard.
One of the guys he’d sold to was named Ashton Belleview, who was a good friend of my son’s. Naturally, six months ago, Ashton shared his passion for the drug with my son. Last month, my son OD’d—he died in his sleep at 3:42 on a Sunday morning in his own bed.
My name—or, more aptly, my maiden name—is Teresa Greene, granddaughter of Private Denny Greene, who’d barely been more than a child when he’d brought the Dev
... keep reading on reddit ➡Bunny, her arm still sore from all the twisting, limps over to the chatroom for a little... um... chat.
The rest of the series can be found here
***
[Tavern Undefined]
[Members Present: 15]
Bunny loped into the tavern with a VERY annoyed expression on her avatar.
“Bunny!” Zipnet shouted as he ran up, “Loopz is here!”
“I read the log, dude,” Bunny replied with a half hearted smile. “And you can’t miss her.”
Bunny glanced over at a slim humanoid figure whose skin was covered in pulsing electronic circuitry wearing tight shorts and a halter top whose face was dominated by a huge pair of glasses covered with everichanging glowing emoticons.
“Ugh,” Zipnet grumbled, “It’s not fair. She has had forever to work on her avatar.”
“Well,” Bunny replied, “she is a holobabe. It’s her bread and butter… or whatever it is that we eat.”
Loopz hopped onto a small platform in front of the dance floor where most of the other avatars were gathered.
“Okay,” she said. “we are going to cover what is dancing and what is NOT dancing. Dancing is moving your body to the music, NOT just running animations. It hurts me. Stop it.”
“What’s wrong with my dancing?” a glowing anime girl with neko ears demanded.
“Oh nothing,” Loopz replied, “if I was playing the fucking intro to the exact anime you copied your avatar from!”
“What’s the difference?”
Loopz facepalmed.
“Let’s… Let’s take this from the beginning...”
“She’s trying to teach them to dance?” Bunny snickered. “This I gotta see.”
A rhythmic thumping filled the tavern.
“Ok,” Loopz said as she started to snap her fingers in sync. “This is known as the ‘beat’. This is the underlying structure on which this song is constructed. All other components are synchronized to it. You have to find the beat. There are many names for ‘the beat’ depending on the genre of the song and era from which the musical piece originates but the concept is the same. All music relies on timing and is constructed by arranging individual components based upon it.”
She started bobbing up and down to the music.
“Let’s start with something simple,” she said. “Everybody do what I am doing, just bounce a little, in time with the beat.”
Every started doing so in perfect unison…
… almost everybody.
“Creepy as fuck but...”
Loopz trailed off, staring at one avatar that was oscillating so fast they were a blur.
“Vee Card,” she asked, “what the hell are you doing?”
“
... keep reading on reddit ➡Sheloran has quite a lot to do...
...and is just pooping THRILLED about it.
The rest of the series can be found here
***
Eno awoke and looked down at the small blue creature sprawled across his chest.
He smiled. Another night of completely dreamless sleep.
He felt great!
He resisted the urge to stroke her head and just laid there quietly looking at the ceiling.
Even the memories were gone.
He felt…
...absolutely nothing and it was fantastic!
About fifteen minutes later Sheloran opened her eyes.
“Good morning,” she said smiling.
“Morning,” Eno said as he smiled back. “I guess we need to get up now.”
“Ugh,” Sheloran said as she buried her face in his torso. “I don’t want to. Today is going to suck scum.”
“Why?” Eno asked. “We have nothing to do but coast for another two days.”
“You have nothing to do but coast,” Sheloran replied looking vexed. “I get to spend the day bobbing for floaters!”
“What do you mean?” he asked looking down at her.
“When I passed out, I got a huge pile of poop from some freaking ghost grunt-hump,” she replied, “And while I was sleeping it all got untangled. I have to make some calls today to some people I do NOT want to talk to.”
“You got what from where?”
“It’s some of that stupid weird poop I have to deal with,” Sheloran replied with an annoyed snort, “Some ancient plath witch went and yanked me out of my body to drop some nice fat ploppers into my bowl.”
She let out a wet raspberry from her gills, “I swear to poop, if she shows up again I’m biting her.”
Eno just looked down at her in confusion.
“Apparently there is some secret Plath order that is bent and determined to poop all over my world… well… poop all over your world but I don’t want to have to deal with that scum.”
“What?!?”
“Yeah, they are making some sort of super disease to wipe all of you out,” Sheloran grumbled, “and I am the one who has to go and sort all of this out… Oh she could bother to show up in my head but she couldn’t make a little detour to talk to one of them? Of course not! Once again, I have to go and shovel out someone else’s barn.”
She sat up.
“I tell you Eno,” she grumbled, “I’m getting really tired of this poop.”
“Okay...”
”Then I have to have a long heart to heart with Bunny and that’s not going to be fun,” she grumbled.
“Bunny?”
“Oh,” she said, looking at him, “forget I said that. I just need to get her to get some information
... keep reading on reddit ➡Sheloran ticks off Bunny and freaks Sheila out.
She's fresh out of poops, out of patience, and no longer playing.
The rest of the series can be found here
***
After wrapping up a few more details, including the incoming ship full of Plath, Sheloran terminated her call with The Librarian.
The door to her cabin opened. In the doorway stood Sheila.
She was not happy.
“Give me one good reason not to throw your skinny blue ass out of the airlock,” Sheila growled.
“I’m the only thing keeping a very nasty plague from hitting your entire species?” Sheloran replied calmly. “Besides, you can’t possibly fault another sovereign state from wishing to protect itself. The Plath have no interest in causing you or anyone else harm as long as they are not threatened.”
Sheloran stood up and smoothed her t-shirt dress.
“The Republic has troops, nukes, and your carriers. The Plath have the capacity to create disease on a scale that makes the little sniffle going around the Federation look like a tummy ache. It’s the same thing.”
Sheila glared at her.
“As long as humanity doesn’t threaten the Plath,” Sheloran said nonchalantly, “the Plath won’t do a thing other than fight over who has the biggest gourd in town. You don’t have to worry about them.”
“What if some other group of humans decides to start some shit with them?” Sheila demanded. “What then?”
“What if there is a false vacuum collapse?” Sheloran shrugged, “What if a rogue black hole zips through your solar system? Seriously, you can’t lose sleep over every impossibly low probability issue you can dream up. You need to relax.”
“Humans randomly starting shit isn’t a ‘probability’!” Sheila snapped. “It’s a certainty! We’re assholes!”
“No argument there,” Sheloran smiled. “However, the Plath would be very disinclined to unleash that virus, especially since you now know it exists. Why the poop do you think I discussed it with that jerkface on your ship where I knew you would be listening and he didn’t? They aren’t going to have it ready in the two days it would take to get to our destination where I could actually have a private chat with that idiot.”
“You got him to admit to it to us!” Sheila exclaimed, “and now that we know, if any weird outbreak takes place we will know where it came from… and where to send our fleet! They can’t use it now!”
“I assumed it was obvious,” Sheloran shrugged. “Am I going to have to break ou
... keep reading on reddit ➡The Heretic's final run...
The rest of the series can be found here
***
Slowly fading away, what remained of the Heretic shot through the timeless void. “Time” worked very differently where she was traveling and she now lacked mass, which made time even less relevant.
Still… She did not have “forever” to accomplish all she needed to accomplish before the true end.
There was an infinity of infinities laying out before her and she had to find an exact point, an exact intersection of “when” and “where” in a realm where neither had very much meaning in the first place.
She smiled. It didn’t matter.
She was no longer restrained, there was no crude vessel left behind that she had to maintain a connection to. While there was no longer any going back, she could go forward as she never could before.
Also, where she had previously been blindly fumbling about, she now had very precise information thanks to her “sister”.
She even had a name…
Sheloran!
Throwing caution to the wind, she hurled herself into the abyss.
***
Lounging on their ship, a gang of miscreants looked at a map of the Federation.
“We need some podunk backwater,” Sheila mused, “The more backward the better.”
“This is the Federation we are talking about here,” Jessie snerked, “That doesn’t really narrow it down much.”
“Look for someplace way off the beaten path,” Sheila said as she looked at a list of systems. “We need as soft a target as we can find.”
Gloria’s eyes glazed for a moment as she shivered slightly.
“What about there?” she asked. “I’ve never even heard of a Plath before.”
“Jessie?” Sheila asked as she opened a beer.
Jessie’s eyes sparkled as she reviewed the system’s stats.
“It’s perfect!” Jessie bubbled happily.
***
A young innocent Plath stared in horror at the holo-vid screen…
We have engaged the services of Federation Intelligence in determining the source of the horrid unclean Terran game known as “Federation Fun Time” and we swear that we will find who has befouled our world with its fetid oil. When we locate, and we WILL locate the Plath responsible for this outrage, they will be CLOISTERED until the end of their days!
The young Plath slumped into her chair, gasping for breath. They were already tracing the trades, somehow. Gamers she had known for years were getting snatched off the streets and questioned and not all of them were released afterwards.
Plath were going t
... keep reading on reddit ➡First : Previous : Next : My Other Stories
Burners: Memories of a Broken Child
Chapter 19
*** Digital Dreams
Emerald eyes slowly fluttered open and sheets slid off a young seven year old body as a girl with wild red hair slowly came to consciousness. The room around her seemed real, the texture of the bedding was soft but something wasn’t right. The world was off, as if it wasn’t quite real and the feeling only intensified when a woman with shoulder length black hair and too blue eyes snapped into existence at her bedside.
“You’re Halsey,” the girl stated, emerald eyes narrowed into a glare. “This isn’t my room. Is this even real? What did you do?” The girl’s panic was slowly growing but whether it was willpower or a fear of losing control, she held on, her breaths ragged and shuddering but never quite breaking down into full blown sobs.
“Not going to scream for your parents?” Halsey asked and the girl chocked down a sob.
“I’m not…” the girl sniffled, “not stupid, you’d ignore me or do something worse. What did you do? I…” the girl paused, realizing how different her head felt. Her mind was racing, moving at speeds that disoriented her. “What did you do to me? I feel wrong, I’m wrong.”
“I uploaded you, currently you’re in the conditioning simulation where uploaded minds are converted into UNSC AI. You’ll have your memories and personality suppressed because erasing it causes immediate rampancy, the human mind is tricky like that.” Halsey stated and the girl screamed, panicking immediately and throwing a fist at Halsey’s face. The blow passed clean through the woman without harming her and Halsey smiled. “But, if you make a deal with me that won’t happen.”
“What d
... keep reading on reddit ➡First : Previous : Next : My Other Stories
Burners: Ancient Truths
Chapter 18
“You ready for this? You haven’t had a body in years.” A deceptively kind voice asked and emerald eyes shimmering with reflected light moved under a golden polarized visor to meet their blue opposites.
“I’ll be fine mom, you spend too much time worrying.” Came the lighthearted, almost playful response.
“I’m allowed to worry about my children.” The reply sent emerald eyes rolling with amusement and embarrassment.
“I’m forty or twenty five if you don’t include time in cryo, not twelve and I haven’t been a child since thirteen, not a real one anyways mom.” The reply signaled the end of the comfortable conversation as a strain entered the redhead’s voice.
“Beginning tests of Yggdrasil Nidhoggr and Mark 7x orbital mobility packs.” A synthetic voice filled the hangar and a sigh of relief left the redhead’s lips.
“Finally, it was getting embarrassing.” The woman easily moved through the microgravity to her seat and felt her armor lock into place, a slight jolt accompanying her implants connecting with the weapon system she now sat within.
“Have fun dear, this is, my second to last gift. After this, there isn’t much time left for either of us.” The older woman watched as her daughter gave her a nod and was then sealed behind armor.
***
The room, ancient and over-sized for the humans now stunned silent within it, seemed to be frozen in time. The effect lasted all of a heartbeat however as Avery stepped forward towards the barriers and frowned at the ancient AI housed within, eyes narrowed under her helmet.
“How are you doing that? You’re hurting us you realize.” Avery stated, eyein
... keep reading on reddit ➡First : Previous : Next : My Other Stories
Burners: Operation Torpedo Aftermath
Chapter 10
Sheila had expected to rescue adults. She’d been expecting Spartans, perhaps a few disturbingly young, 15 maybe, but not twelve year olds filled to the gills with steroids. ‘At least I know what to expect thanks to Char.’ Sheila thought as her Phantom landed in the Albion and the ship immediately began to shift to slipspace.
The system was a mess with the Covenant super carrier firing off salvos at everything nearby while the nuke on its bridge slowly counted down to zero. The familiar tingling of slipspace raced up and Sheila’s spine as the last Phantom touched down and then they were gone, moving faster than light itself away from the battle.
“No incidents while you were away.” Hats messaged cheerfully.
“Good, at least there’s that.” Sheila replied and looked over the Spartans, children, clinging to her. “Alright, we’re safe on the Albion. It’s a stolen Covenant ship and there are some friendly aliens onboard. You can’t hurt them alright? They won’t hurt you, just stay away from them if you’re scared.”
“Is that an order?” One of the kids whispered, a mix of fear and anger coloring his young voice.
“They’re allies, comrades I expect you to either treat them like it or avoid them. That’s an order.” Sheila did not want to put a child in a cell but she didn’t know what else to do if one of the superhuman preteens attacked someone. ‘Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that. They’re kids but they’re stronger than adults.’
“Affirmative.” The kid grumbled and fell silent again and though he was clearly pouting under his armor, he didn’t remove his hand from Sheila’s shoulder. She gave it a quick pat and nodded at the kid who relaxed slightly, clearly helped by the comforting contact.
“For a
... keep reading on reddit ➡First : Previous : Next : My Other Stories
Burners: Operation Torpedo II
“O Fortuna, Velut luna, Statu variabilis, Semper crescis, Aut decrescis, Vita detestabilis, Nunc obdurat, Et tunc curat, Ludo mentis aciem, Egestatem, Potestatem, Dissolvit ut glaciem.”- Carl Orff O Fortuna
Chapter 9
The thirty seconds it took to get the rest of her team onboard was one of the worst waits of Sheila’s life. Far below her, the Spartans were landing in force, hundreds of them and using her command channel she could listen in on the chaos they were encountering. ‘They’re dropping like flies.’ Sheila realized, watching the IFFs go offline disturbingly quickly. ‘Gods, I’m glad I got to Char before this.’ Sheila thought and waved everyone into an advance once they were all inside.
Sheila took point, moving a bit ahead of her squad. Her footsteps were quiet and everyone could tell she was far more comfortable here then she had been dirt side. Reaching the first major intersection, Sheila held up her hand in the universal sign for stop and everyone slowly began to stack up on either side of the door.
“We’ve got movement in the hallway. We’re still four hundred meters out. Avery how’s their communications systems.” Sheila looked towards her third and the woman gave her a thumbs up.
“Dead as a door nail and the moment combat starts they’ll be getting music blasted in their ears. Should deafen them, make our lives easier.” Avery explained and Sheila gave an appreciative nod before pulling out another gift from Mendez, a very small camera on a self articulating cable. Using the device to look around the corner, Sheila identified the targets and began calling out their locations, making sure everyone knew their targets before they opened fire.
“There is no way this doesn’t alert the entire area we’re here unless we’re very fast. Everyone stick with silenced weapons unless reinforcements start to come. Avery can you close off all doors in the area but this one and the one we need?” Sheila looked at the other woman who nodded and quickly got to work.
“Ready when you are Cap.” Avery announced and S
... keep reading on reddit ➡Do your worst!
First : Previous : Next? : My Other Stories
Burners: The Winter Contingency
Chapter 20
Avery shuddered as a pair of strong hands helped her onto a stretcher. She could feel the Albion moving through slipspace, could see the blue cherenkov radiation dancing around the ship and could feel the anxiety that clung to the vessel. The crew, her crew, were anxious, afraid. Their greatest warriors had all been struck low, including their commander and Avery could feel their fear. Worse still, she could feel a shockwave of terror rippling through slipspace, something unthinkable had happened and it demanded her attention.
“Take me to the bridge, not the med bay.” Avery grumbled, blinking the blood from her eyes and feeling the children, teens, thirteen year olds, carrying her change course. A concerned trill informed her she’d reached the bridge and Avery slid off the stretcher, forcing herself upright and leaning on her armor to avoid falling over.
“Hats, there’s a situation back home. Get me a slip space link.” Avery ordered and noticed a hologram snap to life beside her. It was of a woman wearing ODST armor, her hair in a tight bun and her eyes calm and filled with steel. “Who are you?”
“Serina Black, KIA ODST, formally designated just Serina. That AI, it did something that jogged my memories back into place. My human memories.” The not quite artificial intelligence stated calmly, tilting her head and giving Avery a look that managed to communicate just how done they both were with the situation.
“Right, welcome aboard, is there something you need Serina?” Avery asked and the AI nodded.
“Yes, there are crew, friends of mine aboard the Spirit. I’d like to take a few with us. I can identify mantle-less personnel and will leave anyone who isn’t trustworthy, please.” Serina begged and Avery let out a sigh.
“Do not take anyone who has alien genetic tampering, please.” Ave
... keep reading on reddit ➡First : Previous : Next : My Other Stories
Burners: Spirit of Fire
Chapter 16
Avery walked into the briefing room in her armor. It was the bastard child of old Sol war equipment coupled with ONI’s mass produced semi-power armor that had been handed out to the top performing squads among the 343rd. Apparently surviving enough suicide missions was rewarded with better equipment and more suicide missions but at least they were no longer under trained and poorly equipped for the fighting they’d be going into.
The briefing room wasn’t crowded as the ship could technically hold far more then were stationed upon it but with 10,000 soldiers Avery had enough of a headache. The fact that despite holding command over so many soldiers she was under explicit orders to enter battle was more than just a headache. It was a reminder of exactly how long ONI wanted her to live.
“Hey Vice Cap,” Dan smirked and Avery rolled her eyes at her cousin who refused to call her captain intentionally. He followed her orders but it was clear that even after a year, he missed Sheila. The sentiment was something everyone shared, or at least every member of the original 343rd and the first wave of replacements shared. The newbies only knew the woman through the stories that had, over the course of a year, become legends. Legends that included Avery, Dan, Mason, even Riza and Mike. Lars, due to his injuries, had been overlooked but if it bothered the former pilot, he didn’t show it.
“Dan, assorted huragoks.” Avery replied, nodding at the small swarm of huragok, lovingly nicknamed engies by the crew over the last year. “Hats, shouldn’t you be over in your uh space?”
“I was talking with Dan about gravity thrusters.” Ha
... keep reading on reddit ➡Well...
...poop.
The rest of the series can be found here
***
In a shielded conference room, the prime minister, the woman in the green blazer, Doctor Henry Chapman of RARPA, and Mark Guilderan, the Republic Secretary of State sat around a small table.
“You can’t do this!” Doctor Chapman exclaimed. “That plath clearly has access to advanced technology we need. You don’t have any idea how advanced her electron pistol is! That single device—“
“Can you replicate it?” the prime minister asked, “Right now, can you build a working copy?”
“Well, no...”
“Do you think you can replicate the technology within the year?” the prime minister asked calmly, “Do you even think you can understand the operating principles within five?”
“Well… I...”
“Then it is worthless,” the prime minister replied, “We don’t have decades. We have years at best. A piece of exotic equipment that even you cannot understand does nothing for us. Computers changed the world, Doctor, but a single one cast back in time would not have prevented the fall of Rome. We need steel, Doctor, not magic.”
Doctor Chapman squirmed under the prime minister’s gaze.
“Tell me, doctor,” she continued, “exactly much of your time has been expended on that little toy? How many people have you pulled from projects that would actually bear fruit?”
“I...”
“Exactly,” the prime minister replied, “I normally let you do as you please, but I am now telling you to put down that plastic toy and get back to work.”
“But she could teach us so much!”
“Can she?” Mark asked, “From what I have gathered from the Kalent and other sources, it is highly likely she doesn’t even know herself.”
“The interviews from Cerberus also indicate this,” the woman in the green blazer said with a shrug. “She’s a xeno so our profiling AI isn’t as fine tuned, but she is pretty guileless and her physical responses indicated truth when she said she didn’t know how even the shredders, the most simple of her weapons were made. As far as the electron pistol goes, she honestly believes it’s a simple ‘burner’ she learned how to make from a video game. She honestly has no idea how remarkable it is. She just ‘threw it together’.”
“She has to know something,” Doctor Chapman insisted.
“Even if she did,” the woman in the green blazer said, “after the complete mess Hades made of this situation, she has no reason to cooperate. There is little reason to allow a b
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Burners: The Ark
“He hears the silence howling, Catches angels as they fall, And the all-time winner, Has got him by the balls, Oh, he picks up Gideons bible, Open at page one, I think God he stole the handle, And the train it won't stop going, No way to slow down!”- Jethro Tull, Locomotive Breath
Chapter 17
Avery slowly clawed her way back to consciousness, her body shivering violently. Her armor had done a valiant job maintaining her body temperature but despite its efforts, she still felt like she was freezing, her sight blurry from pain and tears. The room around her slowly came into view and she sat up, finding she was still on the Spirit of Fire, sitting inside a phantom’s troop bay.
“Feeling any better?” Mason asked and Avery noticed the command squad save Dan were all present. “Dan’s currently taken command if you’re wondering. He’s not happy about it so it’s good you woke up.”
“How long?” Avery rasped, noticing the quarantine warnings were thoroughly gone.
“Eight hours, we’ve cleaned out the infection, armor has been scrubbed and inspected, down to the molecular level as requested and we’re slowly scrubbing the rest of the ship just in case.” Mason stated as Avery slowly sat upright and tried to ignore the way the world seemed to tumble away from her. “What happened?”
“Hallucination? Bad dream? Boren’s Syndrome? Psychic aliens? Take your pick.” Avery watched Mason still under his helmet, his visor currently clear so she could see his expression go from curious to concerned then thoughtful.
“Well, we do have psychic aliens about so I wouldn’t be surprised.” Mason shrugged and then sent her a data on her condition. “You had a massive spike in blood pressure. It cut off before you had an aneurysm and being that you’re well, genetically modified, you’re already healed up. Any sensations or pain you’re feeling right now should clear up in a minute or two of actually being awake.”
“That’s a relief,” Avery pushed herself to her feet and this time the world didn’t spin. “I’m already feeling better than I was.”
“That’s good because
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Halo: Burners, The Light of Sargasso
Chapter 11
Sheila walked out of the bridge, her feet carrying her through the massive ship while her mind whirred. She didn’t pay attention to where she was walking until she was surrounded by over forty childish faces on bodies far too large for them. The baby spartans wore expressions that were a mix of trauma, distrust and affection. Looking around, Sheila spotted Lucy and quickly gave her a wave to catch her attention.
The young girl looked up for a brief moment before bolting, practically tackling Sheila in a hug. Even though she didn’t fall over, the collision still winded Sheila and she took a deep breath before laughing. Everyone, including Sheila was still in their armor and Sheila noted that while her armor didn’t weigh very much it did get in the way of relaxing which was something the kids desperately needed.
“Let’s get you kids out of your armor alright?” Sheila whispered and the kids nodded, tensing when a few huragok floated in but nobody attacked the aliens. A few even giggled at the trilling and chirping aliens as they worked in teams to remove the armor strapped onto bodies far too young for battle. Sheila didn’t miss the fact the adorable aliens clearly had some form of telekinesis and decided to talk to Dan and Mike about it later.
‘And it only gets worse,’ Sheila thought as the children’s bodies came into view, many of which sported scars. It was clear from Char’s behavior and words that Spartans had been abused with the intent of conditioning them against trauma but seeing the physical evidence on children roiled Sheila’s stomach. ‘Gods, these poor kids. At least I had a choice.’ Sheila thought, withdrawing into herself and allowing her face
... keep reading on reddit ➡For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
The poop hits the whirly thing.
The rest of the series can be found here
***
In the cargo hold the plath gamers, the matron, and the brewer were all having a meeting as they “cowered in fear.”
“If Fun Time is any indication,” Geelshan said, “If I can get on top of one, I can take them, especially if I can get something in my hand.”
“The rest of us could possibly double team or triple team another,” Ulennona added, “That would get us two boarding stunners and two sidearms and it looks like all of them have stun rods and probably have knives if they are humans.”
“In a fast engagement,” Ynellosan, the captain of the spacers mused, “those stunners are as good as a rifle, right?”
"They are better," Ullennona replied, "Any hit from a stunner will put you down, even if it just wings you. We will have either taken the ship or will have been taken out long before anyone hit by those starts to even think about getting back up,” he said.
“If you can take two of them,” the leader of the RTS team said, “then the rest of us could probably—“
“Bad idea,” Geelshan said, cutting him off. “Their long arms are stunners but those pistols are 7.62. They are very, very real. Unless you have VR sim or actual hand to hand experience you’ll die.”
“And there are too many people in here for stray shots,” Ynellosan added.
“I can probably take one,” the brewer said, “at least one.”
“You can?” Ulennona asked.
She nodded and stroked her beads.
“These aren’t just for show,” she said.
“That the whole library?” Matron Shuushan asked.
“That would be impossible,” the brewer smiled, “but without being semantic, yes. I have what we usually have.”
There was a whine and the ship shuddered causing all of the plath to feel strange.
“Was that what I think it was?” Geelshan asked dubiously.
“We just jumped,” Ynellosan replied.
“Is that going to affect things?” the leader of the RTS team asked.
“Nah,” Ynellosan replied, “If anything it makes things simpler. As of now we no longer exist within reality as we know it. Our entire universe is now this ship.”
“Will a fight mess anything up?”
“As long as we don’t damage the hyperdrive,” Ynellosan replied, “We need that to re-enter normal space. Other than that we are ok. The entire jump is already loaded into the drive internal computers. We can even blow up the navcomp and it will still…”
Her eyes glazed over.
“We cannot be taken by the bavnee...” she hisse
... keep reading on reddit ➡Jon finally phones home and has a heart to heart with the Prime Minister.
What's the worst that could happen?
The rest of the series can be found here
***
“Jon!” the Prime Minister exclaimed with a voice filled with cheer, “How nice of you to finally call! How are you?”
“Oh, pretty good, Prime Minister,” Jon replied as nonchalantly as he could manage. In Augustine’s presence he always felt like he was a little mouse looking up at a big snake, “How’s it going with you?”
“Not so good, Jon,” the Prime Minister replied, “Some asshole really stirred things up over here.”
“I like him already.”
“Seriously, Jon,” Augustine said in with a warm grandmotherly tone that Jon knew was a dangerous lie, “why did you not come to me with all of this?”
“I didn’t know how far things went or who I could trust,” Jon replied, “I didn’t have a lot of time so I decided that I would ensure that it got out.”
“You didn’t trust me, Jon?” Augustine said with a hurt tone in her voice.
“Prime Minister,” Jon replied, “I had every faith that if you were involved, it would have happened, just like last time.”
“Excuse me?” Augustine replied with a raised eyebrow.
“Nevermind,” Jon smiled. “What I didn’t trust is that the information would get to you. The head of Republic Intelligence was compromised and he’s not the only one. We both know how far this went. I didn’t even know if my own embassy was safe. I had exactly zero minutes to raise the alarm, so I did.”
“That makes an annoying amount of sense,” Augustine replied.
“While we are asking questions,” Jon asked, “why the fuck did you roast me so bad?”
“I needed to inject some levity into the briefing,” Augustine replied, “the citizens like a good laugh and needed one. Do you realize that people are buying seeds, Jon?”
“Fuck.”
“Well put,” Augustine replied, “I needed to put them at ease and I could make you funny. I could not make a baby eating monster on the edge of achieving immortality WITH a bio weapon that if turned on us could very well wipe us out funny. Even I couldn’t spin that one. Besides, I felt that humanizing you and making you seem less of a threat would be useful after we clean up this whole mess. You are just a regular loyal citizen who found himself in a bad spot and did what he had to do.”
“Well that’s reassuring,” Jon replied.
“That is,” Augustine replied, “if we don’t find any connection between you and the nuclear exchang
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Burners: The 343rd Autonomous Corps
Chapter 14
Avery sat in the chair that belonged to Sheila, to her captain. Her squad had taken their vote the moment the battle had ended, putting her in charge. Dan didn’t want the position and Mason voted for Avery over himself. The rest of the battalion accepted Avery’s leadership without protest, simply recognizing her as Sheila’s second in command and leaving it at that.
‘How am I going to face the kids?’ Avery thought, pulling up an image of the spartan 3s that would be waiting for Sheila’s return with her implants. ‘Will she even return? Will she even be herself?’ Questions flooded Avery’s mind and she took in a deep breath and held it, forcing back the panic before it could sweep her away. Avery became distantly aware her eyes and welded themselves shut and forced them open to see the blinker for an incoming call waiting for her.
With a thought, the woman pulled up the her custom interface and activated the holoprojector. The grim face of Admiral Faye greeted her and Avery wondered if this woman was just as poisonous as every other high ranked bastard they’d encountered so far.
“I have heard about your Captain’s disappearance and your field promotion.” The Admiral started off slowly, her voice tight and controlled. It was delicate yet carried steel to it, acknowledging Avery’s pain while reminding her they had no time to sit idle. “Your battalion will be reorganized and expanded. Your performance, despite the loss of your commander was exemplary. Several more penal battalions are being folded into your unit to bring the Albion up to full strength.”
“How many sol
... keep reading on reddit ➡They’re on standbi
First : Previous : Next : My Other Stories
Burners: A Day in Paradise
“Yeah, some folks inherit star-spangled eyes. They send you down to war, And when you ask 'em, "How much should we give?", They only answer, "More, more, more", It ain't me, it ain't me, I ain't no military son, son. It ain't me, it ain't me, I ain't no fortunate one, one.”- Creedence Clearwater Revival, Fortunate Son
Chapter 7
The official command squad of the 343rd sat in a circle within the bridge alongside a spartan and a Huragok that was cuddled up to Dan’s shoulder.
“So we’ve got our lists?” Sheila asked, looking over everyone present and quickly compiled the resulting torrent of emails. It didn’t take long to make sure there weren’t any duplicates and upon finishing the list, Sheila looked over it and noticed something just a bit odd, a few somethings in fact. “Dan what’s this about not asking for better armor?”
“Ah, well you know how we figured out communicating with the little buggers?” Dan asked, nodding at the huragok floating next to him.
“Yes?” Sheila wondered if the floating aliens were going to give them armor but quickly dismissed the thought when she noticed Dan’s armor looked the same as it always had. It had been modified a bit but nothing particularly unusual.
“Well turns out the armor that command gave us is better against plasma weapons than anything modern. This is ceramics and they are really resistant to high temperatures. Like, way better than titanium A. They’re better against bullets though they’ll fail after taking a few rounds, where titanium A won’t so it’s a bit of a give and take but in my opinion, this armor is way better for our situation.” Dan explained and Sheila nodded before shrugging.
“That makes sense and I can’t fault you for asking for a ton of spartan lasers, we will need the stopping power for whatever ONI has planned for us.” Sheila looked over the list one last time and made sure there were enough shotguns for everyone. “Alright, I’m going to reorganize squad load outs when I get back, every squads going to have multiple heavy weapons if we can get this list
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Pilot on me!!
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Burners: The Human Under the Armor
Chapter 4
Sheila sat in the copilot’s seat beside her sister, both watching the ground slowly fall away from them as they made their way to orbit. Despite the death she’d seen, Sheila couldn’t stop herself from showing a small smile. ‘It’s not going to be easy, we’ve been apart for nearly two decades.’ Sheila closed her eyes and thought over everything she’d done. All of her plans to find her sister, all of the skills she’d gathered to aid her when she finally caught a lead and in the end, life throws one hell of a curve ball.
“You know, I was trying to find you. Never gave up.” Sheila admitted and Charlotte glanced over at her smiling awkwardly. “I’m serious, I learned how to shoot, move silently, my hobby basically became being a civilian with special forces skills. I read everything I could on modern tactics, spying everything. Not the fun fictional stuff either but published war diaries, memoirs, whatever I could get my hands on. I dreamed of infiltrating ONI and finding your files and then rescuing you before running off to the edges of known space. I knew you had to be alive.” Sheila admitted quietly and Charlotte’s lips twitched as the spartan tried and failed to hide a shy smile.
“Seems we had opposite sides of the same dream.” Charlotte whispered and shifted awkwardly, glancing at Sheila before forcing out, “what about my clone?”
“She was our third, we’re triplets now. She passed away, leukemia. I didn’t need to tell her what she was, she figured it out. Begged me to save the original, she was very kind. You’d ha
... keep reading on reddit ➡
This has no relation to the other story titled 'First contact' on this subreddit. I have not read that story but i see the title every now and again and want to avoid confusion.
This might be a bit of a longer read at around 15-20 min.
-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-
First ever first contact is to sum it up, a frightening experience. On one hand words cannot describe how good it is to know you are not alone. To at least know the answer to the question that might have been one of the most pondered in human history; are we alone in the universe? The excitement and the speculation that follows of what this new species might bring bubbles forth and every person on every planet is holding a baited breath for even rumours of information.
Yet, as excitement cools down the darker side of things get asked and pondered. Are they looking for peace? What if they demand something we can’t hope to give? What if they are just as alone as we are? What if we fuck it up? Nothing can really stop people from asking, from worrying, even if they are excited for the change that might come. These questions were why Karl stared up at his metallic ceiling, half way through his sleeping period without having caught a second of the stuff. He knew nothing about the species that were currently aboard this diplomatic ship, his station of redundant ‘engineer’ was far below the classification required to know such sensitive information. The questions burned themselves into his mind, swimming around and demanding answers all the while Karl knew he was trying to sleep in what might be less than a kilometre from the targets of his questions.
What did they look like? Little green/grey men with big eyes and an intellect that far outstripped humanities own? Some humanoid looking creature that might hint that the human shape is what evolution might push for? Maybe something he couldn’t ever hope to guess? It was useless thinking but thinking Karl couldn’t stop without being so tired he couldn’t even think. What worried him the most was… what if he somehow fucked it all up? Yes he was far far below any sort of diplomatic role but what if they saw dirty squirreled away maintenance hallways and the redundant engineer who tried his best to maintain them as to what to judge humanity by? What if they judged his whole species on the person they thought was among the least important aboard this ship as if to state ‘You are only showing us your best, let us see your worst’. Karl knew it was nonsense
... keep reading on reddit ➡Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.
This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.
If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.
Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.
I won't be doing that today!
You take away their little brooms
This morning, my 4 year old daughter.
Daughter: I'm hungry
Me: nerves building, smile widening
Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.
She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.
Thank you all for listening.
“We need to talk.”
For a moment, I just stared at Frances, sitting at my kitchen table at 2 in the morning like she belonged there.
“Yeah, we do,” I said, setting my mask on the counter. “How the hell did you get in my house?”
“What happened down there,” Frances continued as though I hadn’t spoken. “It’s not what you think. The HOA is lying to you. They’re using you.”
“I don’t have time for this.” I scrubbed at my eyes and turned to leave. “I have work in the morning.”
“What do you do for a living?”
I stopped. “Excuse me?”
“Your job. What do you do? You never talk about it.”
“I work with spreadsheets.” God, it was so late and my head hurt from crying. “Data entry.”
“And what data do you enter?”
“Numbers!” I snapped. “What the fuck else would I enter?”
“Numbers for what? A budget? Inventory? Conversion rates?” Frances leaned forward, her dark eyes more intense than I’ve ever seen before. “Who do you work for, anyway? What’s the company name?”
“It’s . . .” I fumbled, the name escaping me. I searched my memory, but it was completely blank. It must be because I was so tired—I needed to get to bed, I would feel better tomorrow—
“What do they do?” Frances rose and walked around the table, her eyes never leaving mine. “Do they work in insurance? Retail? Home dinner kits?”
“Stop it.” I rubbed my temples, the headache growing. I couldn’t remember what my company did—what was on my paychecks? What were the contents of my emails? It was all a blank. “It hurts . . .”
“They’re lying to you.” Frances’s hand on my arm was gentle, but strong. She moved my hand away from my face, drawing me closer until there was nowhere else to look but her. One hand cradled my cheek as she spoke, her voice heartbreakingly sad. “I don’t know what you think you did, but it’s a lie. That ritual is a spell to modify memories—whatever you think happened, it didn’
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Burners: Operation Torpedo
“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself you will succumb in every battle.”- Sun Tzu, Sabaton, Art of War
Chapter 8
Despite the total inexperience of the penal battalions, the soldiers adapted quickly to their new accommodations. A more formal command structure had been hashed out before the 343rd left Sargasso. They stuck with the decision to let each squad elect their commanding officers though, which ended up helping the unit’s cohesion since trust was in desperately short supply.
The rumors around Sheila had only intensified, along with the rest of her squad since they’d been the ones to pull off the hijacking of a covenant heavy cruiser and everyone knew it by now. With each retelling the story grew more out of control and Dan gleefully fed the rumors, even going so far as to point out the emblem on Sheila’s shoulder whenever he got the chance.
Nothing about the new situation however was enough to distract Sheila from the nightmare at hand. She was ordered, by name, along with the rest of her command squad to storm a covenant super carrier. The plan was simple, they knew the layout of covenant ships quite well, they’d take four squads, sixty people total plus Charlotte and board a prowler the Huragok had modified to slip through covenant shields. They would disable the ship’s security systems and slip aboard, make their way to the bridge and steal the navigation data.
‘I wish we could just vent the stupid hulk.’ Sheila thought wistfully, knowing the covenant craft was far too big to vent. It would take half an hour at least and the covenant’s huragok would have more than enough time to stop the venting process. The sheer size of the ship was defense enough against depressurization and that meant that Sheila would need some other unconventional attack to get an edge.
Going over the list of supplies, Sheila’s eyes stopped
... keep reading on reddit ➡What did 0 say to 8 ?
" Nice Belt "
So What did 3 say to 8 ?
" Hey, you two stop making out "
There hasn't been a post all year!
