Seriously Funny Puns

New to this subreddit. I know the point of this thing is to share funny jokes, but since I'm a newbie I hope you'll allow me this one opportunity to make a serious but friendly PSA: If you're lucky enough to have a father, don't take him for granted. Even when they scold or punish you, trust their judgement, it's likely for good reason even if you can't see it at the time. When I was a child I narrowly avoided a horrific accident in which 4 of my friends were electrocuted at a playground we used to play on every day after school. I used to hate my old man for being so strict and disciplining me when all of my friends got to run wild, but if it weren't for him I definitely would have been electrocuted too that day. But I wasn't. I was grounded.

Seriously, any tips are welcome.

We have always been such a happy couple and everything was fine for 3 years straight. Of course I always felt comfortable in front of her and felt like I can tell her anything. That's where I was wrong.

A few months ago I noticed that she became annoyed by my dumb jokes that were only funny to me, but that just made it even funnier to me so I continued telling all these dad jokes to her and died laughing every time.

She puts up with it because she loves me. At least I thought so.

We were always 100% honest with each other and I'm still shaken by the things she told me today.

I sent her probably one of my worst dad jokes ever (that I stole from reddit), and she just couldn't take it anymore and told me how stupid my jokes are and that she doesn't know if she'll be able to put up with it much longer.

But that's not the worst part, I actually appreciated her honesty and considered the possibility to stop with all the stupid jokes and become more serious in the relationship.

The worst part is that she lied to me for the first time in all these years. I felt like I just couldn't trust her anymore and everything I thought I knew about her as a person just became questionable. I need your advice on how to react to this huge lie...

She told me she's Sorry, but I know for a FACT that her name is Diane.

Okay, so this is my first post, so be gentle there. It s more a funny thing my dad did to mess with us than a dad joke. Our parents explained it to us , so i don t have the dialogues here. When we were little, my brother and I of course asked my parents how do we make babies, because we wanted a little bro or sis and they did not wanted us to get one. So we asked them how babies are made. They explained to us that you need 3 things ; a mother's belly , dad's seeds and a little bit of love. That was cute, they said that daddy had to put his seeds in mummy 's belly with the love. When we asked how, they told us to guess -this is why we thought babies were made by the bellybutton, they did really had fun with us- and then, finally, we asked them why they would not make us a little brother then. My father, had this brilliant idea to mess with us, which we sometimes did not notice, as we were little. He basically told us with a huge smile accros his face :" You know what ? If you find the good seeds, we'll make you one". My mother laughed but we took it seriously. We have apparently searched for hours even going in the basement, searching in mom's gardening seeds, ripping of the labels and bringing them to the parents to ask if these were the good ones . We eventually got fed up, and never asked my parents to have a sibling again.

It's been a sobering experience.

My Little Sister: No! What happened?!

Dad: Dont worry, he woke up.

My Little Sister: ROLLS EYES

Me: Hahahahahaha! Nice.

My Little Sister: Omg! Is this funny?

Dad: No, THIS IS PATRICK! (We all really love SpongeBob SquarePants)

I GET UP TO GIVE MY DAD A HIGH FIVE AND HIS PHONE RINGS AS SOON AS I GET UP. IT'S MY MOM CALLING HIM FROM THE KITCHEN

Mom: Hi, I was wondering if I had the right number. Is this funny?

Dad: No! THIS IS PATRICK!

My Little Sister: Really?! You too Mom?!

Mom: No, I'm 49 sweetie.

My Little Sister: Nevermind! I'm watching, "Black Mirror," in my room by myself.

Dad: Sweetie, African American, don't just call them Black. That's not nice.

My Little Sister: ............. I hate you all.

• I know this isn't necessarily a,"Dad Joke." It's more of a conversation my Dad and Little Sister had. But it was seriously one of the funniest moments I've ever seen.

• I really love my family. Lol

Imagine if Sirius got married and has a kid and they were arguing and his kid was like 'Are you serious?' and he's be so torn. What dad joke does he make? 'Why yes I am Sirius' or 'No I'm not serius, I am dad'. Which one? Which one would he make?

I found this on the internet today and it was too funny not to share.

I have a scrawny, little, younger sister and we always have a seafood buffet for Christmas dinner.

Sister: "Hey, dad can you pass me the shrimp and I want some mussels too please?"

Dad: "Here's the shrimp, for mussels you're gonna have to go to a gym and do some exercising" [continues eating his food without ever passing the mussels]

Sister: "Hey, dad....."

Pops: "Hay is for horses, this is seafood."

This was especially funny due to the fact that he kept a poker face the entire time and never made eye contact with my sister, being completely serious and never cracking a smile. These exchanges happen at least 7X a day.

So for some reason while playing dominos we started talking about doing laundry and my grandmother says she always uses dryer sheets except for her delicates and bras and that she hangs them... trying to be funny my little brother said why would you HAAAANG them? And my grandma starts to reply seriously right as my grandfather cuts in and said "they committed a couple hold ups"

So I was looking for my phone a few days ago (I had plans with a friend) and I asked my Dad to call it, since the ringtone would go off and reveal where it was. Me: "Hey Dad, can you call my phone? I can't find it." Dad: "Sure Minihawking" "Minihawking's phone! Minihawking's phone!" "There, I called it, but it didn't respond!" "I'm serious Dad, I have to leave in a bit" "Hi there 'serious Dad I have to leave in a bit', I'm Dad!" At first I was a bit upset that he wasn't helping (I was in a hurry), but it was rather funny now that I think of it.

I think I "invented" this joke when I was around 15, but I'm sure others have as well since it's not too subtle. The key, though, was that I waited for just the right moment to use it for the first time.

I had an ear infection, so I went to the doctor, who took a look and quickly diagnosed it and wrote a prescription and handed it to me.

> Doctor: It's just an ear infection, so 4 drops of this daily should clear it right up.

> Me: [Reading the prescription, and seeing the name of the antibiotic, but I may be wrong about the name, so if anyone knows the right name, please reply.] [Completely seriously.] Oraline? So, I put the drops in my mouth?

> Doctor: [Quizzically.] No, no, no, you put it in your ear!

> Me: Oh, I read the name, and "Oraline" sounds like something you'd take orally.

> Doctor: Nope, in the ear.

> Me: [Remembering my dad joke.] It's a good thing that you didn't prescribe me analgesics.

The doctor had no reaction, just said their deadpan goodbye and left. I've wondered if they didn't get it, didn't think it was funny, or had heard it hundreds of times before.

Years ago, my father and his wife were stuffing whoppers, sour patch kids and other assorted candies into stockings. He turns to her and says in all seriousness, "Did you just fart?"

She says no, of course.

Dad: "That's funny, because I smell a whopper!"

Additional info if necessary - Whoppers are chocolate covered malt balls.

Last night he took an interest into the show I was watching - the new series of unfortunate events.

In the morning he wanted to know what it was called so took a stab in the dark:

"That show... funny incidental things"

He was dead serious, never change dad.

Mancub comes back downstairs from doing a pee.

Me: "Did you pee?"

MC: "Yes did! Look like pea soup."

Me: "Are you serious?"

MC: "That was funny joke!"

On the evening of the 4th, my family met up with some extended family at my grandparent's house. While having dinner, my grandma noticed my dad didn't have a steak. She asked why and my dad said he wasn't that hungry.

I turned to him and said, "Are you sure dad? They're delicious! I mean not having one would surely be a mi-steak!"

(Not so) oddly enough, only the dads found it to be funny. The wives/my siblings just gave me the "Seriously?" look.

My dad is a all around generally funny guy but for me one of the funniest things he said to me was once while he was cleaning a bunch of fish he had caught. I was watching with wonderment how quickly he was going through the catfish he had caught that day. He was very seriously removing the head and skining them and gutting the fish. He had one particular fish's head on the cutting board seperated from the body and he had the completely gutted body of the fish in one hand and the garden hose in the other. He was running water on the inside cavity of the fish and the tail was twitching back and forth, he noticed my amusement at this and said to me with a sly grin,"they don't like that cold water on their belly." This may be one of those you had to be there moments but I thought it was hilarious at the time.

This would happen way too many times during my childhood and I never learnt... maybe because I couldn't actually find another way to express it.. anyway:

My eye would be sore and hurting really bad

Dad: What's the matter? Me: I've got something in my eye. Dad: Yeah, your eyeball.

-seriously unhelpful while I can't even see properly...thanks Dad-

I have however used it to friends as I got older... they also found it to be rather unhelpful and annoying lol.

True Dad jokes are only funny if you're on the outside of the problem haha.

So tonight around closing time I was helping a middle aged man pick out a pair of jeans. I rung him up and told him the price, he looked at me and said "isn't everything half off today" and gave me this serious look. I let out a small fake laugh and said "No". He then laughed and said "I guess that one went right over your head!". I looked at him and let out another fake laugh. I had to resist telling him that I got the joke, but that it just wasn't funny...like at all.