Selv Puns

The vampire, being hundreds of years old, had decided to conduct an experiment to see which career path was the most rewarding. He had every degree and certification you could imagine, but he settled on a surprising choice: cleaning mirrors.

When questioned, he said, "There's something about cleaning a mirror that just speaks to me. Not only can you see your progress as you go, I just know I'm helping someone see their true selves, for better or worse. I'm as surprised as you are, it's not a job I could ever see myself doing."

they become shells of their former selves.

My coworkers were talking amongst them selves attempting to find where a Frozen doll goes, I come around the corner right then and instinctively respond with "have you checked in the freezer section?"... I got a couple of chuckles from them and carried on with my day. Was worth it.

My SO was telling me about this tree in her neighbor's yard that has little birds fall out of it every year and that they're not able to fend for their selves. The conversation then follows

Me: Must be hard for the birds being in a bad school district.

Her: What do you mean?

Me: The neighborhood has a terrible dropout rate.

She: rolls eyes