Why was the pirate depressed on his first day of high school?

He couldn't find Davey Jone's locker

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2021
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at that school the other day?

They say he got detention for it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sundayisgloomy_
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2021
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I suggested my son wear a hi-hat for hat day at school but he said no.

Apparently he's not into cymbalism.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/YDAQ
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2021
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My daughter goes to a school that requires a uniform. Occasionally, the administration will reward the children with a free dress day.

For some reason, my daughter never comes home with her free dress...???

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SlickHeadSinger
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2021
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Back in my day, high school sports athletic conferences wouldn’t let you participate if you didn’t keep at least a 2.0 grade point average. It seems times have drastically changed...

I just heard about 20,000 leagues under the C!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/astrosmash77
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2021
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My kids came out of school and told my partner they have made cards for her for Mother's Day. I asked for a card, but they said I had to wait until Father's Day. I told my boy I had made a card for him, and he could have it the day after tomorrow,

on Sonday.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/skilldan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
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At my school, there's a large lizard that wanders the halls all day.

It's a hall monitor.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/huuhhhh
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2021
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β€œMy fifth grade teacher started the first day of school by expressing her doubts and apprehension for the year ahead.”

β€œOh, that’s awful. Who was that?”

β€œMiss Givings.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sellwinerugs
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2021
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The first day of school, I signed up for English, Math, Science, and Geography.

The rest, as they say, is History.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2018
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Kids got me an Old-school Chemistry set for Father's Day...

... Totally in my Element.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
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We had a kidnapping at our school the other day

They got a whole 20 minutes in before the teacher woke him up

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ohsolinkable
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
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To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money.

On the plus side, he makes great Subway sandwiches.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/skylly100
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
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Does anyone know where we find the handmade Mother's Day gifts the school sends out each year?

I checked my kids' backpacks like usual but they weren't there.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Photog77
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2020
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Whenever I lie down on my new bed, all the embarrassing moments of my high school days come flooding back to me.

I shouldn’t have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2019
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Picked up the kid from school the other day

She had been at her mom's for a week and we were switching over to my place.

I told her "You'll be happy to know I didn't think of a single dad joke last week..."

"Good!"

"...I thought of a whole bunch of them!"

/groan "Dad...."

"Yeah, that wasn't a very good one, I know."

Then I thought about it for a minute, and we were walking up to the house and I said "I still kind of like it though...I mean, it's a dad joke about dad jokes. So it's a meta dad joke." Looked at her, lowered my sunglasses..."And I've never met a dad joke I didn't like"

"Daaaaddddd...."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nimzomitch
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2019
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I've never been able to beat my school's high jump record and it keeps me up at night to this day...

I just can't get over it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/greatreference
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2019
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Kids got this shirt last day of school from librarian
πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/joshypsqueexy
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2017
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My 8 year old came home from school and told me she had a test that day.

Me: Oh yeah, what was it on?

Her: Paper.

I was so proud.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cartie65
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2019
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Kid: Mom I don’t have school on Monday, the school calendar says it’s β€œmilk” day.

Mom: Milk day?.... O honey you mean Martin Luther King Day! He was a famous civil rights leader.

Kid: O yea I know him! He said β€œI have a dream”

Dad: yes, β€œI have a dream that one day milk and chocolate milk will live in harmony.”

Actual conversation last night

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Drmario420
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2019
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One day Jimmy gets home from school early.

His mom ask's,"Why are you home so early?"

He answered"Because I was the only one who answered a question correctly."

Well, my son the genius.What was the question?"she continued.

"Whose the little shit that laid the tac down on my chair?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2019
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Daughter made this thank you card for a speaker at her career day at school
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cat_water
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2017
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I was allowed on the grass the other day at school

I was allowed on the grass the other day at school- it field me with joy

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Orangutan_Monkey
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2018
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A high school student struggles to pass his tests but decides, one day, to pull himself together.

After weeks of hard work and dedication, his grades start picking up.

A month passes and the semester is finally over.

He approaches his father and shows him his grades.

The father looks dramatically into his son's eyes and says:

"long time no C".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/olafur-andri
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
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A boy went to school pretty bruised up one day

His friend saw and laughed. Then he asked him; "Why do You suppose they call it harsh parental love?"

He replied; "I dunno fam beats me"

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DannyGekkouga
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
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My teacher on the first day of school...

"Alright class please stand. Now raise your left leg. Put it back on the ground. Great, everyone may now sit.

Glad we're able to start class on the right foot."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rb612
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2014
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I missed a day of cosmetlogy school because i was sick...

They made me take a makeup class.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lxoblivian
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2019
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The other day, my daughter asked why her school books are so heavy

I said β€˜because they are full of knowledge!’

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πŸ‘€︎ u/slipperagua
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2019
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Where does beer keep it’s belongings during the school day?

In it’s lager!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/magnuspenus
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2019
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The other day, Egypt's old bus broke down. So the school used its budget to get Anubis.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mugsofjoe
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2018
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I met a kid named school a few days ago

It was really weird but after talking hes a great guy, you guys could learn a thing or two from him

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ExsistanceIsPain
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2019
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My band teacher didn’t show up the last 3 days of the school.

I guess you can say it was Three Days Grace.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cfalconssbb
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2019
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At what time during the school day does menarche usually occur?

First period

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Big-Red-Dog
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
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Some schools are getting rid of in-climate weather days

Now there snow days off for winter

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KNABasai
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2018
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I got expelled from school on pajama day.

Its not my fault I sleep naked.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/__Odelay__
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2018
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My dad's encouraging words for my first day back to school
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jittlewiggle
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2013
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What did Shang's friends told him on the first day of school ?

Shanghai

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πŸ‘€︎ u/music_snobbbb
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2018
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Q. What did the dad buffalo say to his son on the first day of school?

Bison

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πŸ‘€︎ u/9xbuddy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2018
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I'm known for my dad jokes and in my first day of junior year in high school, I got my friend good.

Today, my friend Mia and I found out we had PreCalculus together and thus sat across from each other and began talking about our schedules while our teacher prepared the student contracts. (For reference, Mr. Waage is one of the music teachers in my school.)

Mia- "I have Waage three times in my schedule this year and two are back to back." Me- "What periods do you have him?" Mia- "0, 4th, and 5th period." Me- "Looks like you are getting maximum Waage."

Grunts and cringes ensued

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2014
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It's 'family field trip' day at a small Wisconsin school...

Some of the kids attending are:

Sally Buckteeth and her family of farmers,
Larry the Lefty and his fam of circus freaks,
And Johnny no-feet and his family of midgets.
They were all excited for their tour of the dairy farm, and the CEO himself stood up to speak: "OK, everyone, a few ground rules: due to the industrial nature of the farm, mandatory steel-toed boots and a minimum height requirement are in effect."
The assistant pipes up- "Sir, one of the kids can't attend the trip!"
CEO- "Oh no, which one?"

The assistant replied, " Little Johnny, the one that lacks toes and taller aunts."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StretchSmiley
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2017
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A boy arrives home from a long day at school

... and noticed 3 pieces of meat hanging from the celing upon entering his house. The boy asks his father, "What's this about?" The dad replies, "If you can jump up and slap the meat, you don't have to do any chores for the next month. However, if you miss, you have to do your chores and your brother's chores, along with no video games for a month. Still wanna do it?" The boy replies, "No thanks, I'm good." The dad responds, "I figured you would say that, I did raise the steaks pretty high."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/itslqb
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2017
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While I was at school the other day...

My dad pulled this shit on me

Dad: did you hear about the kidnapping at school today?

Me: WHAT just now???

Dad: It's okay...he just woke up!

Followed by me recovering from a little panic attack that ensued and calling him an idiot. He did good though.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zediious
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2015
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When my kids are old enough to start attending school, I play on withdrawing them after day one.

I refuse to let them receive anything less than a first class education.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sykilik101
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2016
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There was a kidnapping at school the other day

Don’t worry, he woke up.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2020
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There was a kidnapping at my school the other day

Its ok he woke up

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PdawgUltimate
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
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