I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
Do your worst!
I love my baby boy Putin to DEATH but I don't think the feeling is mutual. Most of the time he hates being touched and looks pissed off more often than not. Sometimes he will randomly attack me by running after me and biting my ankles (he NEVER scratches, not once). He's like this with everyone in the family, though he's a lot nicer to my mom.
However he's not always a stone cold psychopath; he's lying in my arms purring right now for example even though he will soon bite me and then run off. He's very affectionate once in a while, if you catch him in good spirits. When he's affectionate he's very touchy, rubs his nose on me, drools, and all. Sometimes even when he's pissed off (which is most of the time) he gives me slow blinks and even purrs despite looking like he wants to murder everyone and having his ears back and his tail twitching in agitation. This fucker confuses me.
He's pretty playful, even though his idea of playing consists of biting people. When he bites he usually wraps his little pawsies around my arm and kicks me with his feet while digging his teeth into my flesh and not moving his jaws, just kinda passively chomping down.
We found him under a bridge when he was no more than about 3 weeks old for context. He has always been like this. He's also a healthy kitty and we keep the bastard well fed and hydrated. I'm just worried I'm doing something wrong because most of the time he responds to being pet with biting and randomly attacks us all the time.
Edit to add information: yeah, I know, unfortunate name choice. Trust me, if I had a say in it I would NOT have named him fucking Putin. His full name is actually Catimir Saraswatichandra Zdrromcissimo Jon Bon Jovi Putin. You can ask, but I'm not sure I even have answers.
He has vet appointments regularly. He's healthy, happy, loved, and pampered. We brush him as often as we can because brushing him is like... well, like brushing a cat, you know how they are. We also brush his teeth and I think he likes his liver-flavored toothpaste cause he licks it when we do. Besides providing the obvious necessities we also give him lots of treats and he gets a lot of playtime at all hours of the day. He sleeps in our beds and switches between beds all night. His hobbies (besides psychological warfare and ankle-hunting) are sleeping in the bidet, laying on top of laptop keyboards or books or notebooks and his favorite: insect terrorism.
He's very intelligent and otherwise well behaved, he learned S
... keep reading on reddit β‘I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies π
It really does, I swear!
Buenosdillas
Theyβre on standbi
Pilot on me!!
Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.
This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.
If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.
Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.
When I got home, they were still there.
What did 0 say to 8 ?
" Nice Belt "
So What did 3 say to 8 ?
" Hey, you two stop making out "
I won't be doing that today!
[Removed]
You take away their little brooms
This morning, my 4 year old daughter.
Daughter: I'm hungry
Me: nerves building, smile widening
Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.
She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.
Thank you all for listening.
There hasn't been a post all year!
Why
Itβs pronounced βNoel.β
After all his first name is No-vac
