Two cowboys are lost in the desert when one sees a tree draped in bacon. He yells “it’s a bacon tree” then runs to it and is shot up with bullets
It wasn’t a bacon tree it was a Ham Bush
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. Somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer. Always something more important to me...
Finally, she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.
I was gone only a minute and when I came out, I handed her a toothbrush.
I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a slight limp...
What is it called when a fish runs into a wall?
It’s so magical when you run out of fruit.
The possibilities are lemonless!
You would think the Earth is best, but the moon runs rings around it
Had a lawn mowing run for a while but had to let it go...
...I just couldn’t cut it 🤨
If you want to set up a company and run it then
What do you call it when you run a lap, walk a lap, run a lap, walk a lap?
People who run red lights are having a rough go of it.
You can tell they're really going through it.
My dad asked me to turn on the water heater. To which I replied “It’s on”. Only to see my dad run across the kitchen yelling “It’s on okay bring it no holding back!”
It's time to run the numbers
My girlfriend said it’d really be a nice birthday surprise if I got her something to run around in.
So I bought her a tracksuit.
Why can you never "run" across a campsite, but only "ran" across it?
Cuz it's always past tents... geddit?
How would the world look if it were run by the Danish?
It would be a Pastryarchal Society.
It’s never a good idea to run behind a car
Brothel would be a perfect name for a hotel run by brothers, but it's already taken
What do you call it when someone of South East Asian heritage needs to run for the bus?
I like to claim that the Greek Orthodox secretly run the world through its financial networks…For some reason people are ok with that, try putting a different religion in there and suddenly you’re a conspiracy theorist and hate criminal
Those Catholics are real sensitive sometimes
My German IT guy won't let me run the Microsoft Disk Operating System on my computer.
What animal on the Savannah runs everywhere hastily, i.e. it doesn't walk?
You can't run through a camp ground, you can only ran because it's past tents.
Why is it unsafe to run with bagpipes?
Because it can get you kilt!
The alarm is sounded at the batcave. Batman runs to the batmobile but it won't turn on. He tells robin to grab a new battery.
Robin says: What's a tery?
Is it longer to run from first base to second base, or second base to third base?
Second to third. Because there's a shortstop in the middle.
It seems like the Final Fantasy VII remake will run quite efficiently.
It looks like most calculations will be done in the Cloud.
Why is it so expensive to run a submarine?
I want to run an electrician service and name it 'Many Hands'.
After all, many hands make light work.
As a solider, my first instinct when I see trouble is to run to it, but my Sargent always tells me....
...that before I can run, I need to learn to March first.
I painted my computer black so it would run faster...
But now it doesn't work :(
What does a duck say when it gets run over by an avocado truck?
My dad's favorite jokes from his opa (it runs in the family, evidently)
-
All good things must come to an end, except for a hot dog, it has two.
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(While watching tv) I always wondered why they never invented smellovision... (although sadly that is now a "thing" because of that stupid Honey Boo Boo scratch'n'sniff...siiiigh)
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(When Opa had heart-attack symptoms and was getting a sonogram) So is it a boy or a girl? (apparently the humor was lost on the nurse)
WhatsApp keeps crashing on my phone and won’t run properly, so I’ve downloaded something called “The Bugs Bunny” to fix it…
I used to run a Juice Bar, but had to shut it down...
I just didn't have enough passion fruit.
You know how when you put your ear on a hard surface, everything is super loud? Whenever I do it, i immediately need to run to the toilet.
Seems like i have a really bad case of earontable bowel syndrome
What is it called when the letter E runs a race?
Dad just dropped this one over the phone... "If an electric company was run by children what would it be called?"
"national kid"
My brother in the background loudly cringes from overdose of Dad
Me: "Did you write that one Dad?"
"yeah"
Nice sweatshirt. 5K Turkey Trot? What'd you run it in?
Well, it was kind of chilly, so some running tights and a light jacket.
What does a fish say when it runs into a wall?
What does a fish say when it runs into a wall.
Did you know that you can't run through a campground? You can only ran through it...
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