Two cowboys are lost in the desert when one sees a tree draped in bacon. He yells β€œit’s a bacon tree” then runs to it and is shot up with bullets

It wasn’t a bacon tree it was a Ham Bush

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Texgymratdad
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. Somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer. Always something more important to me...

Finally, she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.

I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.

I was gone only a minute and when I came out, I handed her a toothbrush.

I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a slight limp...

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
🚨︎ report
What is it called when a fish runs into a wall?

Dam.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/probaseball512
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
🚨︎ report
It’s so magical when you run out of fruit.

The possibilities are lemonless!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/morsodo99
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
🚨︎ report
You would think the Earth is best, but the moon runs rings around it
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Barktf2
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Had a lawn mowing run for a while but had to let it go...

...I just couldn’t cut it 🀨

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2020
🚨︎ report
If you want to set up a company and run it then

that's your business.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DadJoker1988
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when you run a lap, walk a lap, run a lap, walk a lap?

Intermittent fasting

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2020
🚨︎ report
People who run red lights are having a rough go of it.

You can tell they're really going through it.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/scarecrow53
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad asked me to turn on the water heater. To which I replied β€œIt’s on”. Only to see my dad run across the kitchen yelling β€œIt’s on okay bring it no holding back!”
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/twinkieded
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
🚨︎ report
It's time to run the numbers
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DaveMeowintons
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend said it’d really be a nice birthday surprise if I got her something to run around in.

So I bought her a tracksuit.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Why can you never "run" across a campsite, but only "ran" across it?

Cuz it's always past tents... geddit?

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/evamPUNdit
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2019
🚨︎ report
How would the world look if it were run by the Danish?

It would be a Pastryarchal Society.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Availe
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2019
🚨︎ report
It’s never a good idea to run behind a car

You’ll get exhausted.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fozzy420
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Brothel would be a perfect name for a hotel run by brothers, but it's already taken
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/T-Patrick
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when someone of South East Asian heritage needs to run for the bus?

A bangladash

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/treefellow64
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2019
🚨︎ report
I like to claim that the Greek Orthodox secretly run the world through its financial networks…For some reason people are ok with that, try putting a different religion in there and suddenly you’re a conspiracy theorist and hate criminal

Those Catholics are real sensitive sometimes

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Irv-Elephant
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2019
🚨︎ report
My German IT guy won't let me run the Microsoft Disk Operating System on my computer.

DOS ist verboten.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vaxis2113
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2018
🚨︎ report
If you run in front of a bus you'll get tired, if you run behind it you'll get exhausted. reddit.com/r/Showerthough…
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_Redstoner
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2019
🚨︎ report
What animal on the Savannah runs everywhere hastily, i.e. it doesn't walk?

The anti-lope.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
🚨︎ report
You can't run through a camp ground, you can only ran because it's past tents.
πŸ‘︎ 126
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Strat1515
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2016
🚨︎ report
Why is it unsafe to run with bagpipes?

Because it can get you kilt!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blake4Bama
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2019
🚨︎ report
The alarm is sounded at the batcave. Batman runs to the batmobile but it won't turn on. He tells robin to grab a new battery.

Robin says: What's a tery?

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PB_Monk3y
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2018
🚨︎ report
Is it longer to run from first base to second base, or second base to third base?

Second to third. Because there's a shortstop in the middle.

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bepeacock
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2018
🚨︎ report
It seems like the Final Fantasy VII remake will run quite efficiently.

It looks like most calculations will be done in the Cloud.

πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PuzzledKitty
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2016
🚨︎ report
Why is it so expensive to run a submarine?

It's the depth charges.

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/anksil
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2017
🚨︎ report
I want to run an electrician service and name it 'Many Hands'.

After all, many hands make light work.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nuez_jr
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2018
🚨︎ report
As a solider, my first instinct when I see trouble is to run to it, but my Sargent always tells me....

...that before I can run, I need to learn to March first.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2018
🚨︎ report
I painted my computer black so it would run faster...

But now it doesn't work :(

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Paul978
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2015
🚨︎ report
What does a duck say when it gets run over by an avocado truck?

Guac, guac!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beeber_g
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2018
🚨︎ report
My dad's favorite jokes from his opa (it runs in the family, evidently)
  1. All good things must come to an end, except for a hot dog, it has two.

  2. (While watching tv) I always wondered why they never invented smellovision... (although sadly that is now a "thing" because of that stupid Honey Boo Boo scratch'n'sniff...siiiigh)

  3. (When Opa had heart-attack symptoms and was getting a sonogram) So is it a boy or a girl? (apparently the humor was lost on the nurse)

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LuneMoth
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2013
🚨︎ report
WhatsApp keeps crashing on my phone and won’t run properly, so I’ve downloaded something called β€œThe Bugs Bunny” to fix it…

It’s a WhatsApp Doc.

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2017
🚨︎ report
I used to run a Juice Bar, but had to shut it down...

I just didn't have enough passion fruit.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheVeryNearFuture
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2016
🚨︎ report
You know how when you put your ear on a hard surface, everything is super loud? Whenever I do it, i immediately need to run to the toilet.

Seems like i have a really bad case of earontable bowel syndrome

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ganders81
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2017
🚨︎ report
What is it called when the letter E runs a race?

emotion

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GazLord
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2016
🚨︎ report
Dad just dropped this one over the phone... "If an electric company was run by children what would it be called?"

"national kid"

My brother in the background loudly cringes from overdose of Dad

Me: "Did you write that one Dad?"

"yeah"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Idodrunkthings
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2015
🚨︎ report
Nice sweatshirt. 5K Turkey Trot? What'd you run it in?

Well, it was kind of chilly, so some running tights and a light jacket.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PRESTOALOE
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2014
🚨︎ report
What does a fish say when it runs into a wall?

DAM!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/superguy-222
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What does a fish say when it runs into a wall.

Dam

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PAPAjakesOBAMA_10
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you know that you can't run through a campground? You can only ran through it...

Because it's past tents.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FYF69
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2018
🚨︎ report

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