The roads were so rough, it damaged my laptop.

It was a hard drive.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Isn’t it weird how cats tongues are so rough

You’d think they’d be meow

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kalebsantos
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
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My 5yo blew us away with this original that he came up with all on his own. What do you call two ice dragons?

Twice dragons.

Update: honestly thank you everyone, you guys are totally making this kids day! Distance learning in kindergarten has been rough and he misses seeing his friends pretty hard, so when I told him about this (I was able to use β€œWreck-It Ralph : Ralph breaks the Internet” and buzz tube with likes/hearts as a reference) he’s been smiling from ear to ear nonstop since! A million thankyouβ€˜s for the kind words and awards.

πŸ‘︎ 295
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jruff84
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2021
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It's been a rough year. I've been to 3 funerals.

And I'm not a mourning person.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/arutkow
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2019
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People who run red lights are having a rough go of it.

You can tell they're really going through it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/scarecrow53
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
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I grew up on a street with a lot of friction

You could call it a rough neighborhood

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2021
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I was too rough with my kitchen counter and it broke.

I took it for granite.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2019
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when I was a child we were so poor that my mother made us clothes out of the scraps my dad would bring home from work at the sandpaper factory

It was rough.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kinkybenny
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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Fishing on an inland lake on an island this weekend with my daughter. This island generates lots of power via wind turbines. Anyway, We are on the lake and it gets rough and REALLY windy. Pretend to get mad and yell at the power station...

"Turn off the damn fans, I'm trying to fish over here and you are creating too much wind"...
groans ensue.....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cmeilleur1337
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
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Electricians have it pretty rough

They have to strip to make ends meet

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CallMe_Dig_Baddy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2019
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Public toilets have it rough...

It really is a tankless job

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yourmama127
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2019
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It’s rough moving from one state to another.

I want to go back to being a solid.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/-Gashadokuro-
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2019
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A guy walks into a bar with a dog and the bartender says "No pets allowed!"

The guy says "This isn't a pet, he's my friend and he can talk."

The bartender is skeptical and demands the guy proves it.

The guy asks the dog "What's the opposite of 'soft'?" The dog replies "Rough!"

The bartender remains skeptical and asks for more proof.

The guy asks the dog "What do people put over the top of their house?" The dog replies "Roof!"

The bartender gets annoyed and gives the guy one more chance.

The guy asks the dog "Who is the greatest baseball player of all time? Babe......" The dog replies "Ruth!"

The bartender is fed up and throws them out. The dog says "Should I have said 'Lou Gehrig?'"

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Why is the skin of tree trunks called bark?

Because it's rough.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wotmate
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
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This story is about a man called Trevor, and his obsession with tractors.

Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.

Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.

Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.

The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.

Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.

Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasn’t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.

One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.

Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.

β€œWell” said Jeff, β€œAs I’m sure you know the convention comes to town later”.

The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.

β€œYes of course” replied Trevor

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShredderSte
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m drawing a picture of a zoo animal, but I’m not finished yet.

It’s just a rough giraffe.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I was able to salvage some sandpaper from my wood shop fire...

But it was in rough shape.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Probably one of the deepest books you will ever read

20,000 Leagues Under the Sea

πŸ‘︎ 626
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TeeribleMureal
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2018
🚨︎ report
With all the shortages, we've been forced to buy the John Wayne toilet paper.

It's rough, tough, and don't take shit off anyone

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/btross
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2020
🚨︎ report
10 Stupid Puns
  1. My friend once told me she watched Regular Show all the time. I said, "I guess you could say you watch it regularly." We are not friends anymore. (True Story)

  2. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!

  3. I wanted to take pictures of the fog this morning… But IΒ mistΒ my chance. I guess I couldΒ dewΒ itΒ tomorrow!

  4. Looks tasty. Gimme a pizza that.

  5. Why do eggs hate jokes? The answers always crack them up!

  6. What did the mayonnaise say when somebody opened the refrigerator? "Hey, close the door! I'm dressing!"

  7. Somebody stole all my lamps…. And I couldn't be more de-lighted!

  8. I once met a pig that did karate… We called him Pork Chop!

  9. Coffee has a rough time in our house. It gets mugged every single morning!

  10. My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is starting to improve!

(Source For All Puns Except The First) https://bestlifeonline.com/bad-funny-puns/

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/punsdaily
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2020
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You know a school paper is a very rough draft when...

...it is rough enough to use as sandpaper.

You're going to need all the luck in the world to get an A on that paper.

Note: I was not sure if this should go in dadjokes or another joke sub-reddit.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
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My girlfriend played golf with her friend. She lost the engagement ring I bought her in the tall grass by the fairway...

It was a diamond in the rough.

Credit (not quite the same): Frank and Ernest by Thaves for May 02, 2020

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2020
🚨︎ report
A navy recruit has his first day on a submarine

He speaks with the officer, who assigns him his post.

"Go stand at the periscope entry-way, and make sure no unauthorized personnel touch the periscope."

The recruit follows orders, and stands by the periscope. After 15 minutes, the officer stops by.

"Son I'm changing your postΒ to the mess hall. Go in there and start washing some dishes."

The recruit obeys, and heads to the mess hall. He's cleaned about 3 dishes when the officer walks up again.

"Listen here recruit, your new post is in the supply room. I need you to make sure everything is strapped down tight, in case of rough waters."

The recruit again follows orders, and heads off to the supply room. There, he sees a crewman, moving some boxes.

"Hey there," says the recruit. "is it normal to keep getting reassigned to new posts all day? I haven't kept one position for more than 15 minutes!"

The crewman says "Oh yeah- this sub is full of reposts."

πŸ‘︎ 91
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
🚨︎ report
All year, I've been telling my friends I just want to meet someone, fall in love be married by my next birthday...

which was my 40th birthday. The BIG Four Oh! As in "Oh, you're 40 and not married? What's wrong with you?"

And my friends, as awesome as they are, kept setting me up on blind dates, but I never seemed to click with any of the women. Pretty women, short women, tall women, rough women, successful women, lazy women - I dated them all and more often than not, they just weren't interested in me.

I think I probably went on twenty or so dates that never resulted in a a single follow up date.

But two months before my birthday, I started dating two women and both fledgling relationships seemed like they were going somewhere as they were getting really, really serious. I couldn't choose one, but I didn't care. I just couldn't believe they were into me. Okay, maybe they weren't the best looking, but I was so desperate for a wife, and I'm definitely no prize myself.

With a few weeks to go before my birthday, I knew I had to act if I had any hope of being married. I bought two rings and proposed to them both (on separate nights, of course) and they both said no. In fact, though they never knew of each other, I went from two good things to both of them not returning my calls. I guess proposing in a mall food court (for Jenny) or down on my knees in front of the bathroom at a minor league baseball game (Susan) were not my best laid plans, doomed to fail. Or maybe I just reeked of desperation.

So the morning of my birthday, I was practically in tears, deep in depression as I knew I missed my deadline. But my friends came though, kind of. They took me out bar hopping and then we all went back to my place where they had a stripper waiting in my favorite chair. She got up, sat me down, and gave me a grinding lap dance. She said nothing, but after a minute, stopped, turned around, looked me in the eye and said "one." Then she started up again, stopped after a minute, turned around and said "two..."

This went on all night until she got to "forty."

It's been a few months now, and I'm not too sad. My friends really tried to get me married, and after two near mrs, I guess it was the thot that counts.

πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OK_Compooper
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Dirty NASA experiment unearthed

NASA decided to send a vegetable to space. After the rough takeoff the spud soiled himself.

Operation Spud-Nik turned violent when the astronauts, due to unforeseen circumstances, ran out of food. It wasn't long before the five guys came up with a plan. They unearthed him and gouged his eyes out. As unappealing as it sounded, spud was sliced up, fried and eaten. Noone seemed to mind a little assault. Sometimes spaceflight is unpredictable and dirty sacrifices must be made.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BeeSpaceApiaries
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s a dogs’ favorite part of a stick?

The bark. Why do they like it? It’s rough.

πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lurksAtDogs
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Time for Golf Puns!

But whatever fore?

A little birdie told me golf puns are a great way to make friends, so I thought I might as well join the club. I had to wedge myself into a car to get there, and boy did I realize the irony of doing so when I met the driver! He handed me a bunch of donuts, and I was so happy, there was a hole in one! When I got to the club, the driver kept telling me he had to put the car into par for it to stop moving! So I got of of the car and walked through the door only to realize that my driver had ditched me. Talk about rough right?

Anyway, thats all the golf puns I have for now, say for this last one.
Tee-hee!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/s0apyjam
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
🚨︎ report
My Jewish friend got his son the best 13th birthday gift.

So his son plays baseball and his mitt was in rough condition. They make these little boxes for baseball mitts that put out heat, humidity, and massage the mitt slightly to keep it in good condition. They're pretty small and can fit on a kitchen counter top. It's best to keep them near the sink to refill the water reservoir when it gets low. It's helpful if it's like right above the sink. My friend had put his on the bar behind the sink.

It was seriously the nicest bar mitt spa I had ever seen!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AJordanCarroll
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I got my girlfriend real good.

Girlfriend came home from a rough day of class and asks me to draw her a bath. So I got a paper and pencil, drew her a bath tub, and handed it to her. The look she gave me has been imprinted into my brain.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/forgetnot
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2014
🚨︎ report
A serious thank you to /r/dadjokes:

The last couple of weeks have been rough with rough patches going on with my relationship with my fiance and other stuff in general. I wasnt able to do much for New Years and had to spend it alone for the first time in several years.

Its sounds corny, but reading through all the "last year" jokes has brought joy to my life and brought genuine laughter when it's been hard for me to find it, especially recently. It's hard to smile, especially during rough patches of life, but you've brightened my evening in a way that I havent felt in a while.

I hope you all have a great 2019, and thank you again.

(You could say that I spent all year writing this :P)

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheMasterRedditor
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2019
🚨︎ report
What's it with Eminem and Dad jokes?

I mean... just look at those:

- Why has Gwen Stacy been on the web lately?

to spite her man. -River

- Why do you carry a Laptop in your back pocket?

Because rapping like a computer must be in my genes. - Rap God

- Why did Eminem blow?

All he did was throw f-bombs - Rap God

- Why did Eminem buy the rap game a maxi pad?

Because it's having a rough time period. - Rap God

- Why did Eminem look so shocked when he watched a church gathering take place?

He was witnessing a mass occur. - Rap God

- How could Eminem poop Jerusalem?

Because his shit is real. - Caterpillar

- Why is Eminem so ill-behaved?

He's got a couple of mansions, but still no mannors. - Lucky You

And these are just a select few.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DenaPhoenix
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I played golf with my friends the other day. It's just a shame I kept missing the fairway

It was rough.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rhedkiex
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2018
🚨︎ report
I may have found the one...

So this girl I’ve been seeing for a while was at my place. She made a comment about how difficult a dogs life must be... I said β€œyea, it’s a rough life!” And proceeded to make three or four mor dog puns.

She walks to the Christmas tree, grabs a candy cane and throws it at me (all with a straight face).

Thinking she was mad, I asked what that was for.

She looks up, smiles, and says β€œIt was your punish-mint.”

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_JEThompson
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2017
🚨︎ report
I was forced to speak in a gravel voice all day

It was pretty rough

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rimtato
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2018
🚨︎ report
What is your favorite dad joke?

My personal favorite is: "Hey did you hear about the guy who got his whole left side cut off?" "Oh, don't worry. He's all right now."

It lets you add a lot of different flare, especially if you're looking at your phone and you make it sound like a news story or something.

So what's your favorite dad joke?

EDIT: Thank you everyone, I've gotten a good chuckle out of all of these! It's been a rough couple of days, but these all cheered me up. I'm going to be recycling them... My girlfriend eyes are gonna be rolling overtime tonight. I'd feel sorry, but my girlfriend probably doesn't want me feeling anyone but her.

πŸ‘︎ 74
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cawblade
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2015
🚨︎ report
I ran out of fabric softener today.

It's going to be a rough week.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheToteGoat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife’s unintentional dad joke.

Me: Sanding dry wall putty, as I prep a room to paint

Wife: Walks in and says, β€œIt looks like everything is going smoothly”

Me: β€œYeah, but It started off a little rough”

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Beergelden
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2018
🚨︎ report
The Chinese New Year is next week and the year of the dog begins.

I hope it won't be too rough.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/avneis
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2018
🚨︎ report
My dad helping me with an English paper...

Last night my Dad was helping me with an essay for school. After I went to bed, he decided he would be nice and type/print it for me. When he handed it to me this morning, I said "Thanks, Dad. But it's supposed to be a rough draft." He promptly walked out to the garage with my essay and came back 2 minutes later holding it and a piece of sandpaper. "Here Honey, have a good day at school"...

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Money_fingers
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2018
🚨︎ report
Flight attendant was a wise guy

"Sorry about the rough landing, it wasn't the captain's fault, it certainly wasn't my fault, it was the asphalt"

πŸ‘︎ 159
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shukhman
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2015
🚨︎ report
A new Navy recruit has his first day on a submarine.... (apologies to u/buddybd)

He speaks with the officer, who assigns him his post.

"Go stand at the periscope entry-way, and make sure no unauthorized personnel touch the periscope."

The recruit follows orders, and stands by the periscope. After 15 minutes, the officer stops by.

"Son I'm changing your post to the mess hall. Go in there and start washing some dishes."

The recruit obeys, and heads to the mess hall. He's cleaned about 3 dishes when the officer walks up again.

"Listen here recruit, your new post is in the supply room. I need you to make sure everything is strapped down tight, in case of rough waters."

The recruit again follows orders, and heads off to the supply room. There, he sees a crewman, moving some boxes.

"Hey there," says the recruit. "is it normal to keep getting reassigned to new posts all day? I haven't kept one position for more than 15 minutes!"

The crewman says "Oh yeah- this sub is full of reposts."

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IranRPCV
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2020
🚨︎ report
A new Navy recruit has his first day on the submarine…

He speaks with the officer, who assigns him his post.

β€œGo stand at the periscope entry-way, and make sure no unauthorized personnel touch the periscope.”

The recruit follows orders, and stands by the periscope. After 15 minutes, the officer stops by.

β€œSon I’m changing your post to the mess hall. Go in there and start washing some dishes.”

The recruit obeys, and heads to the mess hall. He’s cleaned about 3 dishes when the officer walks up again.

β€œListen here recruit, your new post is in the supply room. I need you to make sure everything is strapped down tight, in case of rough waters.”

The recruit again follows orders, and heads off to the supply room. There, he sees a crewman, moving some boxes.

β€œHey there,” says the recruit. β€œis it normal to keep getting reassigned to new posts all day? I haven’t kept one position for more than 15 minutes!”

The crewman says β€œOh yeah- this sub is full of reposts.”

πŸ‘︎ 185
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2019
🚨︎ report

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