Little boy hiking with his dad picks up a common ugly rock.

He lifts it in the air and asks his dad what kind of rock it is.

His father quickly replies, β€œIts leaveright”

Boy: β€œLeaveright?”

Dad: β€œYup! Leaveright there where you found it!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xPhantom39x
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2022
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Rock-climbing is not for the timid. In fact, merely being a little brave is not enough.

You need to be boulder.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Avatar_ZW
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
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In a little-known piece of rock history..

Courtney Love once asked Jon Bon Jovi to name her new band. Bon Jovi jokingly suggested 'Hole'.

Love though this was great - provocative and rude - so she went with it. Her ex, Corey Hart, of 'Sunglasses At Night' fame, did not approve. He sought to confront Bon Jovi on the night of Hole's first gig and, a little drunk, tried to climb the fence of Bon Jovi's LA estate.

Bon Jovi, thinking Hart an intruder, winged him with a gun belonging to Bono and The Edge's tour manager, who was dining there that night. The ensuing fracas was in all the papers, overshadowing Hole's debut, and angering Kurt Cobain, who was interested in Hole's lead singer.

Cobain sent Jon Bon Jovi a note, demanding he apologise, and Bon Jovi replied ...

"Shot Corey Hart, and U2 blamed. You give Love a band name."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Flanky_
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2017
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Why do moon rocks taste better than earth rocks?

Moon rocks are a little more β€œmeteor”

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Saucey_26
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2021
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Little girl with acoustic guitar

My little 5 yo girl went to show and tell today with her little acoustic guitar. When I picked her up there was a small rock in guitar. I asked her β€œwhy did you put a rock in your guitar, did you want to play rock and roll?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Uncle_Mark_2021
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2021
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What taste better? A rock from earth or a rock from space?

Space rocks are a little meteor. (edit: grammar)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FuckTheLord
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2021
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Sherwood

Me: I don't live in Little Rock, I live in Sherwood

Boyfriend: Sherwood be nice if I could see you right now

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/corcor_181
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
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9 times out of 10 a carnivore will choose a small space rock over human flesh...

Because the rock is a little meteor.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bot4601
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2021
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My Vietnamese driver told me several riddles yesterday, do you know what they were?

First off a six-parter

  1. If there are 500 rocks on a plane and you throw one out, how many are left? A: 499
  2. How do you get an elephant into a fridge? This is a three part process A: open the door, put in the elephant, close the door.
  3. How do you get a giraffe into a fridge? This is a four part process A: open the door, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe, close the door.
  4. All the animals go to heaven for a meeting, but one can't come, why not? A: the giraffe, it's in the fridge.
  5. A weak old lady has to cross a river full of alligators, how does she get across? A: the alligators are at the meeting in heaven.
  6. As soon as the old lady gets across the river she dies, how? A: the rock fell on her head.

No 2 A real cool guy walks into a cafe. He wearing sunglasses, tidy haircut, but just a super cool guy all round. He orders a glass of condensed milk and puts it on his table. Next time the waitress walks past he asks for a glass of black coffee. Now he has a glass of milk and a glass of coffee next to each other, this guy is real cool. Next time the waitress walks past he orders a glass of ice. She's happy to do that for this dude because he is so cool. He mixes the milk and coffee with the ice and stirs with his little spoon. Looks good. The old man that owns the cafe walks up to him and says, 'I see your in the Navy". How did he know?

A: he was wearing a naval uniform.

Anyone know similar nonsense?

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Patyboomba
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
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Help: geology-themed puns needed.

My sister teaches at a high school for children with learning and behavior disorders, and every year she hosts a skills summer camp.

2015 will be geology-themed, and we need help thinking of a fun name for the camp.

Previous years: 2014 Summer Scenarios: Little Egypt (Egyptian themed) 2013 Summer Scenarios (first year had no kitchy name, but it was zombie-themed)

Potential examples: Stone Throne, Rock Steady, Taken for Granite, etc.

During the live-in camp (boarding school), they'll learn survival/outdoorsmanship skills (fire starting, gardening, canoeing, etc.), and have geologists as guest speakers.

Any high school learning-friendly geology-themed blockbusters would be welcome suggestions, too--but I'll post that for the people over at /r/movies.

Thanks in advance!

Edit: Thanks to everyone who actually gave appropriate suggestions, and high-fives to those who just made rock puns. My sister selected Game of Stones.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/allthedoll
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2014
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Why did Mars screw up its piano recital?

It was a little rusty.

(Most of the rock on Mars has iron in it, and it's oxidized over the millenia, so it's rusty, which is why it's red.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrackedP0t
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2015
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Is this a pun, per se?

Almost 10 years ago now when my daughter’s mom was pregnant with herβ€”waddling miserably towards the tail-end of her third trimester and about ready to popβ€”she looked forlornly at her figure in the mirror one day and announced, β€œOmigod I’m as big as a house!”

And so I, the Rico Suave motherfucker that I am, popped my head up from the book I was reading on the bed and responded thusly without missing a beat:

β€œWell, baby girl, if you’re a house then you’re my dream home...”

I thought our relationship was my rock on which we would build one hundred stories, but there were termites in the foundation. Unfortunately she ultimately turned out to be a mobile home that couldn’t stay tethered to a single lot for more than a few years at a time as, a short time later, she up-and-skedaddled from our lives and has been a deadbeat mom to our little girl ever since. (My daughter and I built a beautiful, cozy little bungalow-for-two anyways.)

Anyway, does that qualify as a pun, or just an extended metaphor? If not, sorry, I just always thought that was a good line and I wanted to humble-brag a bit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shadow_Boxer1987
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2018
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My wife asked why toddler has been infatuated with rocks.

I told her that it's because he's afraid, but with the rocks he feels a little bolder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/5parky
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2017
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How do you make a tissue dance?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/marcuccione
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2017
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Went rock climbing this weekend...

I asked the kids: Which one is braver, the big rock or the mountain?

The big rock: It's a little boulder.

The kids walked away. Sigh.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nerd_of_gods
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2016
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The hidden puns of LexisNexis

Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.

Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":

  • Bucyrus International caters to those who mine their own business.
  • It would be logical for Mr. Spock to boldly go to Vulcan International for rubber products. He might even live long and prosper -- in comfortable shoes.
  • What do manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel (EMD) and 1970s band Grand Funk Railroad have in common? They both want you to do the locomotion!
  • Peter Piper can pick more than a peck of peppers or pickles from B&G Foods.
  • Toray Plastics America could sing "foam, foam on the range, where the polyester and polypropylene materials are made" all day.
  • Break out the Tums, because things are awfully gassy over at Air Liquide America.
  • If a tree falls in a Weyerhaeuser forest, someone is there to hear it -- and he has a chainsaw.
  • Although not a pushover, you can walk all over Wilsonart International.
  • Here's a HEICO haiku: HEICO companies/ Providing for jet engines/ In flight or on land.
  • American Italian Pasta Company (AIPC) uses its noodle in many different ways.
  • The golf industry doesn't mind when Aldila gives it the shaft.
  • Rat-a-tat-tat and a ringa-ding-ding. What's that? Answer: The sounds emanating from Pearl, one of the world's foremost makers of drums and other percussion and musical instruments.
  • Saint-Gobain Ceramics & Plastics deals powders and crystal, but there's no need to call the cops.
  • Pamida Stores Operating Company offers more small-town values than a bandwagon of Republicans on the campaign trail.
  • Like a tight end, offshore drilling contractor Transocean dreams of going deep but doesn't mind eating a little mud.
  • Rittal me this, Batman!
  • Utility Trailer Manufacturing is spreading its own brand of reefer madness.
  • Who is the Fresh Prince of Sullair?
  • If GrafTech International were a bard, it could wax poetic in an ode to the electrode.
  • When it comes to adhesives and vibration control products, LORD knows.
  • You might say that Deere & Company enjoys its customers going to seed.
  • Pfizer pfabricates pfarmaceuticals pfor quite a pfew inpfirmities.
  • Stripping is OK at Spraylat.
  • Don't think Seton is
... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2016
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[Help]. I get Dad joked every day and I can't do anything about it! What's a good comeback?

As part of my job (I'm a cashier) I'm required to ask people how everything was. Almost every Dad says the exact same thing: "terrible". They then stare at me to see my reaction. When I laugh it off, they say "but what if I Had been serious?" In a very condescending way and make me feel bad for laughing. What I usually do is say "You're not being serious are you?" They say no with a little laugh and an awkward silence follows.

My friends suggested I take my acting to the next level and act genuinely concerned, turning the situation around. But I think there's a funnier solution. Any help?

Another thing: Our food rocks. There's no way they're being serious.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fenderguy314
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2013
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What advice do you give to a rock that's dating? cc:my 20-year old girl officemate

You need to be a little boulder.

You gotta admit, that joke's rock solid, right?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jonastheokay
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2016
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Arkansas is cold.

We're on a road trip to visit my grandparents, from Texas to Tennesse (10 hours). We stopped in Little Rock for Chickfila. When we get out of the car, it's pretty cold. Dad says, "They should call it Antarkansas". Oh, Dad. :|

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HalifaxSexKnight
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2014
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My dad on an airplane 10 years ago

My dad told me this, never registered in my brain that it was a dad joke until just now. He worked in Memphis, TN but we lived north of Little Rock, AR, so he would hop a 30 minute flight on weekends on a super small commercial jet to come home.

One time there were literally no other passengers on the flight (12-20 passenger plane IIRC). The flight attendant told him "you're our only passenger, pick whatever seat you'd like"

He looked to his left and said "He's in my seat" and pointed to the pilot.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IONTOP
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2014
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My fiancΓ© just busted out this gem...

We have a ten week old son and his humor has gotten lamer and lamer by the day. We moved our coffee table out of the way to vacuum and I said, 'It would be really cool to just put a giant love sack there instead of a table' (a love sack is one of those giant bean bag chairs).

He looked at me and without missing a beat belts out 'Cuz a loooove sack, is a little old place where....we can sit to-getherrrrrrr.' Laughs at his own joke... All the way up the stairs.

And it begins.

TL;DR Rock lobster

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kaps84
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2013
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Dads take on vegetable based rock bands

This is an older story, I think it was roughly 98 or 99. My little brother was getting into rock and was listening to Limp Biskit and Korn. He saved up some money to get a CD so my dad took him to Sam Goody. My little brother gets the newest hit record by Korn and brings it to the counter and check out. With my dad by his side, he places the record on the counter and the late nineties rocker chick, loaded up with tons of eye liner and hot topic wear working the cash register says "oh yeah! I love Korn, I know everything about them, I have all their records." Without a fucking second thought and the straightest face, my dad says "I guess that makes you a little corny."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LDdesign
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2015
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Dad joke'd on campus, by a girl

Little background: I was standing on a roughly-3' rock wall along a sidewalk/eating area on campus. My friend was sitting at a table next to this.

We were engaging in a lively discussion when a girl walks by and sternly asks; "Are you talking down to her?" - and starts laughing maniacally.

Having a solid appreciation for dad jokes, I laugh heartily too and gently whisper "be my dad?" as she walks away...

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LibertyFive3000
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2014
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Got dad joked while playing The Last of Us.

After the big fight in the library in Philly.

Ellie: "Phew. Lets lighten the mood. Space rocks taste better than Earth rocks because they are a little meteor."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/panken
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2014
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Moon rocks taste better than Earth rocks.

The moon rocks are a little meteor.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wish14
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2017
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Earth vs. Mars

Why do Mars rocks taste better than Earth rocks?

Because they're a little meteor.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hutchj1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2014
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