I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
Do your worst!
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
They were cooked in Greece.
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
Joleen Boutilier loved being a scrapper. There was a certain level of peace and tranquility that came with sitting against a backdrop of inky blackness, punctuated only by the tiny pinpricks of starlight. Those same stars not only dispelled the myth of her working in an abyss, but also gave her an orientation to adhere to while working. The derelicts she loved would spin and tumble, sometimes in unusual ways, and so one could easily lose their bearings if they did not pay attention.
Her favorite pastime, while floating between her small ship and yet another potential payday, was to trace patterns in those stars for guidance. It not only helped her keep her orientation, but it reminded her of Pa teaching her the constellations late at night, long after her mother thought she was in bed. Now Pa was gone, buried on the farm he loved so much, but she got to keep this small memory alive every time she traced a new pattern.
Her current sector, and current goal, was labelled as “GG-12-411A,” but she liked to call it The Graveyard. At one point, some long time past, a great battle had been fought here and one of the sides had lost. Joleen could probably look up who it was, who had won, and the long-term ramifications of that loss, but she did not particularly care. Instead, she only cared that the battle had been fought at all.
It was a morbid outlook to take, reveling and rejoicing in the mass death that stretched almost a light-year in all directions, but it was a necessary one for the work. She explained this to all who ultimately signed up with her, as she would not tolerate the squeamish or the superstitious when it came to this job. Their paychecks were built on tombs; blood spilled either out of malice, accidents, or simply an indifferent universe, it did not matter. All that mattered was that without those tombs, there would be no scrappers. Some took it better than others.
And so here she was, floating between a derelict and her own ship, the Misplaced Trinket, ready to rob another grave for anything that shone, or blinked, in the darkness. She held fast to her tether as she oriented herself against the Running Dog and the Angry Octopus constellations to make sure she could remember her orientation. She then checked her oxygen, internal power, and finally opened a com-link to the ship.
“Big Momma, this here is Little Digger, doing a final coms check, over,” she said while comically putting her hand to the side of her helmet. She liked to thin
... keep reading on reddit ➡Because she wanted to see the task manager.
Heard they've been doing some shady business.
but then I remembered it was ground this morning.
Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale
Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments
They’re on standbi
A play on words.
Pilot on me!!
Nothing, he was gladiator.
Or would that be too forward thinking?
Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.
This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.
If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.
Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.
What did 0 say to 8 ?
" Nice Belt "
So What did 3 say to 8 ?
" Hey, you two stop making out "
When I got home, they were still there.
I won't be doing that today!
[Removed]
Where ever you left it 🤷♀️🤭
This morning, my 4 year old daughter.
Daughter: I'm hungry
Me: nerves building, smile widening
Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.
She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.
Thank you all for listening.
There hasn't been a post all year!
You take away their little brooms
It was about a weak back.
It’s pronounced “Noel.”
After all his first name is No-vac
What, then, is Chinese rap?
Edit:
Notable mentions from the comments:
-
Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits
-
French/Finnish art
-
Country/Canadian rap
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Chinese/Country/Canadian rock
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Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap
There hasn't been a single post this year!
(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)
Nothing, it just waved
