Introduction

Hello! This is the first chapter in a six part series that will detail the western half of a broader, Grand Unified Theory of the Dawn. I believe it convincingly explains the legends surrounding the Dawn Age, the Age of Heroes, and the Long Night in Westeros. We will be touching on Garth, the Grey King, the Fisher Queens, the Drowned God, the Night’s King, the First King, Durran Godsgrief, and many others.

Our first topic is Garth Greenhand and his deeds. So extraordinary was the life he led that we actually can’t do it justice in one chapter, so we’ll still be talking about him in chapter 2. Substantial parts of this theory were inspired by posts made by u/Genghis_Kazoo, but I’ve gone in a different direction. Just wanted to give him a well-deserved shout out here.

Fertility God

In the Dawn of Days, it is said that Westeros was peopled only by the Elder Races: the Children of the Forest and the Giants (and some legends say, the Others). Mankind had only just begun to spread across the world, and they had not yet invented agriculture or writing.

>It is not written in any book that we know, for in the first age of the world, the Dawn Age, men were not lettered. - The World of Ice and Fire - Ancient History: The Dawn Age

And so, we must rely on legends and songs to piece together what this ancient world looked like. The Dawn Age is so ancient, however, that it’s hard to find even legends from that time period. Remember, this was a time before the likes of Durran Godsgrief, Bran the Builder, the Grey King, and Lann the Clever. Theirs was the Age of Heroes, and it came after the Pact. There’s only a scant few legends this old, and they all seem to center around legendary figures from a bygone age so ancient that their very names have been forgotten.

Except one. He looms large in the history of Westeros, and indeed many places of the world, if the legends are to be believed. He’s also the only named person whose legend places him firmly in the Dawn Age (I theorize there were plenty of others, but we’ll get to that later).

>Garth Greenhand brought the gift of fertility with him. - The World of Ice and Fire - The Reach:

Do your worst!

It really does, I swear!

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

They’re on standbi

Buenosdillas

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

Pilot on me!!

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

The adrenochrome drip has stopped & so has the production budgets. CCP & fake fiat Fed money are cut off too. The only ones cutting checks are the tech streamers (Apple, Amazon, Netflix & a few of the major studios). The rest are working with crumbs. 💀

Executive Order 13818 — Blocking the Property of Persons Involved in Serious Human Rights Abuse or Corruption. Lots of the celebs are compromised. I don’t know if everyone in the list below are compromised, but I do know LOTS of them are. This is a BIG list.

Intel by: @PrayTriots

Full list of Celebrity 🌟 and sports legend’s 🏈 homes for sale. You are witnessing the death of the Pedo Elites and their twisted lifestyles. The false idols of the world are falling. It’s finally happening.

Celebrity homes for sale: Ellen Degeneres, Johnny Depp, Mathew Perry, Eli Manning, Kat Von D, Shia Lebeouf, The Hemsworth brothers, John Legend and Chrissy Teigen, Brittany Snow, Beyoncé, Jay-Z, Cindy Crawford and Rand Gerber, Gene Simmons, Bella Thorne, Tom Cruise, George Strait, Emily Blunt, Alonzo Mourning, Jemima Kirke, Kevin Jonas, Chelsea Handler, John McEnroe, Tommy Lee, Jason Derulo, Alicia Keys, Frankie Muniz, Keith Richards, Lil Wayne, Peter Thiel, Pharrell Williams, Loris Loughlin and Mossimo Giannulli, Rosie O’Donnell, Kellie Clarkson, Cheryl Tieg, Joe Pesci, Suzanne Somers, Adam Lambert, Meghan Markle, Sean Diddy Combs, Billy Joel, Gary Levinsohn, Dr Phil, Barry Manilow, Mel Gibson, Diane Keaton, 50 Cent, Heidi Klum, Ryan Seacrest, Zsa Zsa Gabor, Jennifer Aniston, Katharine Hepburn, Christie Brinkley, Nicholas Cage, Ricky Martin, Angelica Huston, Charlie Sheen, Burt Reynolds, Emilia Clarke, J.Lo & Alex Rodriguez, Simon Cowell, Kris Jenner, Jeffree Star, Gordon Ramsay, Jason Aldean, Pamela Anderson, Jerry Seinfeld, Jimmy Fallon, Dave Ramsey, Jon Bon Jovi, LeBron James, Matt Damon, J.J. Abrams, Sugar Ray Leonard, Ellen Degeneres, Sylvester Stallone, David Bowie, Clay Mathews, Michelle Pfiefer, David E Kelley, Shonda Rhimes, Rihanna, Pete Townshend, Britney Spears, Joe Jonas, Sophie Turner, Robert Redford, Steve McQueen, Shaquille ONeil, Glen Frey, Sammy Hagar, Stockard Channing, Michael Chiklis, Tom Petty, Serena Williams, Bill Russell, Kathryn Bigelow, Don Rickles, Bruce Kovner, Adam Neumann, Leonardo DiCaprio, Barb Ellison, Alicia Keys & Swizz Beatz, Kate Beckinsale, Robert Herjavic, Josh and Heather Altman , Soleil Moon Frye, Jim Harbaugh, Anthony Kiedis, Fredrik Eklund, Meghan Trainor,

When I got home, they were still there.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

I won't be doing that today!

You take away their little brooms

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

Why

It’s pronounced “Noel.”

[Removed]

After all his first name is No-vac

What, then, is Chinese rap?

Edit:

Notable mentions from the comments:

• Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits

• French/Finnish art

• Country/Canadian rap

• Chinese/Country/Canadian rock

• Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap

There hasn't been a post all year!