River Dour Puns

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB

Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"

I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual

So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes

r/unclejokes for dirty jokes

r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC

r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes

Punchline !

Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub

Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat

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"When it all happened I, like everyone else in our universe, was completely unaware of the desperate struggle against a being with nearly limitless power. We had not clue, no idea, of the titanic struggle of Immortals and Apostles against a screaming titan. We did not know that the Devil faced off against God.

"Had I known, nothing would have been different.

"I had my part to play, my small part in the grand tapestry woven by the Gods themselves.

"My tanks treads were crushing the forces of the Atrekna, my guns were sweeping away their foul creatures, and my crew was loyal and brave.

"We. the Lanaktallan of the Atomic Hooves, did our part.

"They did theirs." - Former Grand Most High Sma'akamo'o, from I Have Ridden the Hasslehoff

The wind was full of the taste of ash and scorched metal with the faint taste of burnt flesh. The steady mournful sound of Lossglass creaking as it slowly settled ran counterpoint to the sound of the wind. Threading through it was a voice, exhausted, cracked, harried, but still singing even through pain and torment.

The singing, a child's lullaby, was coming from a brown skinned woman. She was two meters off the ground, her arms straight out from her sides. She was leaning forward, her chest being crushed by her own weight. Her skin was bruised and abraded, oozing blood in many places.

Her forearms were wrapped in barbed wire, her hands pinned to the crossbar by the heavy spikes driven through her wrists. Her legs were bound together by cruel barbed wire and her feet were held fast by heavy nails.

She inhaled heavily, as best she could in her exhaustion, and continued to sing. It was a slow song, ancient as the hills around her, and one that she had learned at her mother's knee.

She could hear the crunching of pebbles and shards of Lossglass but lacked the strength to look up. She merely kept singing, blood drooling out from between her swollen and cracked lips.

"Father," she heard. Rather, she heard a word she did not understand uttered in Prakrit.

"Yes?" another voice asked. She recognized that word as English.

She tried to look up, failed, and used what little flagging energy she had to take another breath.

"Can she n

Do your worst!

The doctor says it terminal.

How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?

Mathematical puns makes me number

We told her she can lean on us for support. Although, we are going to have to change her driver's license, her height is going down by a foot. I don't want to go too far out on a limb here but it better not be a hack job.

Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.

But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.

They were cooked in Greece.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

He lost May

Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"

Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

And now I’m cannelloni

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

But that’s comparing apples to oranges

And boy are my arms legs.

Put it on my bill

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

BamBOO!

They’re on standbi

A play on words.

Calcium, nickel, neon

My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.

Pilot on me!!

Christopher Walken

https://preview.redd.it/kffanji46vc81.jpg?width=1690&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9247c3f3e4cc94f583b387e637beef1ff5e617e7

Cover Art| First Chapter | Patreon (~60 chapters available) | Map

The Story: Trapped helping the family business instead of hunting fiends, Trellin can't advance within the Hunter's Guild. But when he sneaks out to claim a kill beyond his rank, his rulebreaking puts him dead in the sights of a senior hunter. She offers him a second chance instead of expulsion - join her in the bloody competition for guildmaster. But the contest is tied up in conspiracies and a decade-old murder, and Trellin soon realizes his new benefactor's true goal: Revenge.

------------------------

A hand brushed my shoulder. I jerked awake with a yelp.

Avira. She leaned over me, her eyes dark but a crooked smile on her lips. “Easy, lad.”

“O-Oh,” I mumbled. “Um. Is it-”

“It’s time.” She drew back out of the tent.

I paused for a moment longer, blinking out at our campsite. The sky was still dark, with our campfire burned down to cinders. “Now?”

Her footsteps drifted farther away. “The ceremony begins at dawn. It’s tradition—sunrise for the declaring, sunset for the pledging. Once the challenge is complete, that is.”

I just nodded, scrambling back out of the tent and dragging my blanket along with me. “Okay. Yeah. Just- I’ll just, uh-”

“We have time yet,” Avira said, her voice still low. “Worry not. We’ll be fine.”

Was she telling me that? I couldn’t quite be sure. I stuffed my blanket back into my pack, hearing her take the tent down behind me, and grabbed for my cuirass.

I couldn’t quite keep from making a face at it, though. Between the tittara and the senida, there were a few nicks and tears in the leather, and unpleasant dark spots marred the even color. “Wonder if there’s someone in there to fix this,” I mumbled.

“Probably,” Avira said. “We’ll look after I make my declarations. We’ve got to get you to the imbuer, anyhow.” She laughed, shaking her head. “And I suppose you’ll be wanting to make use of those upgrade components we’ve found.”

“Perfect,” I said, and heaved my bag onto my shoulders. “You ready?”

“Far b

Nothing, he was gladiator.

The bartender says, "Sorry, no minors”

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

Or would that be too forward thinking?