My husband had a dreadful horse riding accident and was taken to a hospital.

He is in a stable condition.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yestardays_gem
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2021
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What do you call an owl riding a horse with a sword?

A night owl.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LadySparta729
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
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My friend had a small horse that he tried taking trail riding. It died the first trip, unfortunately.

It was a one-trek pony.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
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What must you need to ride a horse at night?

A satellite.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2021
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I wanted to ride horses so I went to a ranch near me.

When I asked if they have riding lessons they said neigh.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xSeVinx
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
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My friend tried to ride his horse from Maine to the Southwestern United States for a type of bean but was hit by an older Ford...

It was a pinto.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
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What type of horse does a 1337 gamer ride?

A pwny!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mondonodo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2015
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I'm sure that we can all agree that a horse's back is a good thing to ride on.

A crocodile's back, on the other hand, really isn't a good thing to ride on.

But an elephant's back? Well... that's a grey area.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/avapoet
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2015
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A man rides a horse into town...

He gets off the horse and loudly exclaims "I am Thor!"

To which one of the towns people reply "That's because you forgot your thaddle thilly."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Prefectionist_
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2016
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People in PETA…

…never consider the high horse they ride in on.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Doctathunder
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2021
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The Lone Ranger

and Tonto had been riding hard for hours when they can to a town. The Lone Ranger and Tonto ties up their horses to the hitching post. He told Tonto β€œthe horses are hot, run around them in a circle until they cool down.” He went into the bar and ordered a drink. A stranger walked up and said β€œYou’re the Lone Ranger, right?” He said yea and the stranger said β€œyou left your injun running”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thenewfoo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2021
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Say what you will about horse girls

But they definitely know how to ride

Edit: First time post here, just felt like horsing around

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Majestic_Horseman
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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An old cowboy and his horse

A cowboy rides his horse up to a saloon and ties it outside. He enters the bar, sits down, and orders a whiskey.

Minutes later he hears someone ride off with his horse. He runs outside, and sure enough, his horse is gone.

He goes back in the saloon, fires his gun three times in the air, and says "At the count of ten my horse better be back here. I don't want to do what I had to do in Laredo."

A few minutes later, he sees through the door his horse being returned.

Just before he leaves the saloon, the bartender whispers to him "so what did you have to do in Laredo?"

The cowboy says "I had to walk home".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/capngloval
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2020
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Pun Request: Horse-related

Our senior quotes are paragraphs this year, and I want to make a paragraph about my horseback riding that's full of horse puns. Can anyone help me out?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/axtumn
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2017
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If I had known that this subreddit existed, I would've shared the tale of Brown Paper Bart with you long ago.

A man is riding his horse through the desert, and, well, he starts to get thirsty. He sees a small town off in the distance, so he sets off in that direction to get some water for his horse and some whiskey for hisself.

Well, as he gets into that little town he starts to notice something peculiar. Not a soul is out. Sun's setting, but still plenty of light. Water in the horse troughs tells him it ain't a ghost town, but folks ain't comin' out for some reason.

Now, as soon as he turns onto the town's main street, he sees a soberin' sight; the sheriff, on a ladder, hammering the last nail into a brand new gallows. He sidles his horse on up to the sheriff and says, "Pardon me sheriff. I don't mean to pry, but pray tell, who're them gallows fer?"

The sheriff looks around, surprised to see someone out. He steps down, takes off his hat and scratches the back of his head thoughtfully, before replying, "Well, I reckon you must be a stranger in these parts. I reckon then that you ain't never heard of Brown Paper Bart. Anyway, we're lynchin' him come sunrise."

"Brown Paper Bart? I reckon not, sheriff. That's a mighty peculiar name, pray tell, whaddaya call him Brown Paper Bart fer?"

"Wayill, I reckon we call him Brown Paper Bart on account 'a the fact that everything he wears is made a' brown paper. His hat's made a' brown paper, his boots is made a' brown paper. His chaps is made a' brown paper, his neckerchief's made a brown paper. Heck dang shoot, even his lunch bag is made a' brown paper!"

The man looks at the sheriff a moment, perplexed, before replying, "Well, sheriff, I reckon that's a mighty peculiar thing for a man to do, but that don't explain these brand new gallows. Pray tell, what're you lynchin' Brown Paper Bart fer?"

[Insert a dad-length pause here.]

"...Rustlin'."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/malenkylizards
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2013
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So if you were about to kill someone, what kind of pun would you make?

So if you were to tie someone to a horse, then shove the horse off a cliff, what kind of pun would you say as the guy fell to his death?

This is for a story I'm working on, but I can think of is "Get off your high horse," "Have a nice ride," or "Air Horse One!" - and the last one would be anachronistic given the medieval setting. :(

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MimiTheFirst
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2015
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Horse Puns

Funniest horse puns and jokes

A white horse walks into a pub and asks for a whisky. The landlord says: β€œHey, we’ve got a whisky named after you.” The horse replies: β€œWhat, George?”


A horse trudges slowly into a pub and orders a drink. β€œEvenin’” says the barman, β€œwhy the long face?”


A horse walks into a smart cocktail bar. The doorman says: β€œWait you can’t come in here without a tie.”The horse goes out to his car, looks in the boot and gets a set of jump leads, which he ties around his neck.He goes back in and says to the barman: β€œThis alright?” The barman says: β€œHmm, ok… but don’t be starting anything.”


A poorly-looking horse limps into a bar with a bandage round his head. He orders a glass of champagne, a vintage brandy and two pints of Guinness. He downs the lot and says to the barman: β€œI shouldn’t really be drinking this with what I’ve got?” β€œWhy, what have you got?” β€œAbout Β£2 and a carrot.”


Which side of a horse has more hair? The outside What’s a horse’s favourite TV show? Neighbours


A racehorse owner takes his horse to the vet. β€œWill I be able to race this horse again?,” he asks The vet replies: β€œOf course you will, and you’ll probably win!”


Did you hear about the depressed horse? He told a tale of whoa!


A dead horse walks into a bar and orders a whisky.

β€œI’m sorry, sir,” says the barman. β€œWe don’t serve spirits..


A talking horse walks into a bar and approaches the manager. β€œExcuse me, good sir,” the horse says, β€œare you hiring?” The manager looks the horse up and down and says, β€œSorry, pal. Why don’t you try the circus?” The horse nickers. β€œWhy would the circus need a bartender?”


Did you hear about the man who was hospitalized with six plastic horses inside him? The doctor described his condition as stable.


What did the horse say when it fell? β€œI’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!”


Q. What does it mean if you find a horseshoe? A. Some poor horse is walking around in his socks.


A man rode his horse to town on Friday. The next day he rode back on Friday. How is this possible? The horse’s name was Friday.


Why did the pony have to gargle? Because it was a little horse!


What did the horse say when it fell? I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!


What did the teacher say when the horse walked into the class? Why the long face?


What do you call a horse that lives next door? A neigh-bo

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2017
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Punny names of Dark Souls 3 bosses.

For reference: Link to wiki

Some of these are done in a kind of "news headline"-style:

  • Choir leader fired after using too much sexual innuendo; "Lewd Ex Cantor."

  • Video on demand about a street where nothing happens; "Vod of the Boring Alley."

  • Man's brutal cousin turns out to be a great bloke; "Raw-Ted, Great Dude".

  • Panic spreads as toilet facilities take over the world; "Cry! Stall-Age."

  • A man orders a book of basic letters to look after his daughters belongings while he looks after the others; "ABC, Watch Her's!".

  • Sams brother cheats a dude; "Dean Cons the Peep."

  • A ride in the amusement park offers a wide range of emotions; "High! Low! Woo! Nah."

  • A weird and hard to describe new dessert; "Cold Lemon Thing."

  • A new star in stand up rises! Come see "Puntiff Sulyvahn."

  • Pirates start eating fava beans and a new drink is required; "Yo! Ho! The Chianti!."

  • A Long lived man has an unusual apetite for fish; "Old-Rick, Devourer of Cods".

  • In Bacteria-Town, a devastating disease strikes one inhabitant working at a hotel; "Cancer of the Borrelia Valet".

  • Roman god Cubid is ordered to take a woman to cave and kill her; "Drag and Slay Her Amor"

  • Osiris's statue has been in way too many marriages and people have started to call it; "Osiris the Consummated Thing."

  • The choir leader from before is transformed into a mushroom; "Champignon Cantor"

  • An english man becomes the leader of a Polish airplane company and gets nicknamed; "LOT-Rick"

  • An impatient tree person attacks a random mythical hunter; "Antsy Ent! Why Hern?!"

  • Horse named Elvis keeps making noise and a man shouts;"Neigh Less King!"

  • A child opens a chocolate egg and a white spirit jumps out; "Soul of Kinder"

Sorry about the possible typos.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dralnu22
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2016
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Donkey walks into a bar and sees there’s a horse in the bar as well.

Donkey starts speaking to the horse, β€œSo what do you do?”

β€œOh in the summer I do racing and in the winter I do the showjumping.” says the horse.

Donkeys thinking, holy shit, this is a thoroughbred.

β€œWhat do you do?” Asks the horse.

All embarrassed the donkey says β€œoh... uh... well in the summer I give rides to kids at the beach”

They chat a bit more and arrange to go round the donkey's house for drinks next week. Donkey's thinking to himself he’s got to come up with some way to impress the thoroughbred. So he gets a picture of a Zebra, a nice frame and hangs it up.

Horse comes round and goes β€œOh this is a nice house you’ve got, that’s a nice picture too”

Donkey says β€œOh aye, that’s when I played for Juventus”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Skubbags
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2018
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Street names

I'll never forget when I was riding shotgun while my dad drove, and we were taking my friend Joe home. We had driven these streets hundreds of times, but at this moment, my dad released all these heretofore unheard-of puns.

We took a right on Cambridge Ave.

Dad looks over and stoically says in a gravelly voice with an -- American Indian?? -- accent, "First came iron horse… then came bridge."

Groans.

As we approach Minot Ln., he asks "do I turn here?" and Joe says "yes," to which dad replies "I don't know, Joe, I might, but I minot!"

Groans.

Finally, we make our last turn onto Cheyenne. Dad says with a deliberate, measured cadence, "You know, growing up, all the girls I met were so forward. It was weird. But then I met Shy Anne."

He finished his sentence right as we pulled into Joe's driveway. He put his right hand on the back of my headrest and turned to face us with a wide smile and the glittering, eyes of a puppy that just fetched on command.

Joe said "Thanks, Mr. Smith," and he got out and ran into his house.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/doc_ids
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2014
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Our kids climbed on horses behind us

on the merry-go-round. Before the ride started, they began bickering.

I spun on my horse, pointed my finger at the kids and said in a very loud voice.

"Don't make me turn this carousel around!"

They got quiet. Actually, everyone got quiet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/psgrue
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2015
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A man goes to buy a horse (long)

So he finds the man who owns the horse. The owner takes him to the stable. The buyer asks to take the horse for a test ride.

 

"Okay," says the owner. "But I'm a retired church pastor. The horse will only go forward if you say, 'Praise the lord.' He will only stop moving if you say 'Hallelujah.' "

 

Feeling annoyed, the buyer says "That's fine," and he gets up on the horse. After the seller returns to the house, the buyer, mounted on the horse, whips the reins and says, "Hiyah!!" The horse doesn't move. "Yah," he said, spurring the horse. Still no movement. Feeling a little embarrassed and stupid, he complied to the owner's instruction. "Praise the Lord," he mumbled, and the horse began quickly trotting away from the stable.

 

Wow, the buyer thought, excited. I wonder how fast this horse can go. "Praise the Lord," he said, this time at normal volume. The horse sped up considerably.

 

Amazing! I must have this horse! the buyer thought. "Praise the Lord!" he shouted. "Praise the Lord!" And the horse kept speeding up. The stable behind them was no longer visible.

But the horse and the buyer were speedily approaching a huge canyon. Seeing this ahead, the buyer commanded, "St- stop! Whoaaa, horse!" But the horse kept the charge forward. "Hallelujah!" the buyer shouted. And the horse stopped at the edge of the vast canyon, with only inches of ground to spare.

Looking up to the sky, the buyer sighed in relief. "Praise the Lord."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/littlekuribandit
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2017
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